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Cc Feb 2021
He stole my emotions and capacity to trust;
I stole his favourite band and ability to listen to his favourite song.
Even Stevens.
Cc Feb 2021
And when he’s here
He’s messy and human
and clumsy with my heart.
He’s quick to anger
And even quicker to push me away.
When he’s in my arms
His love is irritating
Nauseating
All encompassing.
He gets under my skin
Pushes his way in
And once he’s there he makes it clear he won’t leave

But when he’s gone
Oh when he’s gone
The sky falls apart and I forget who I am
Cc Jan 2021
You’ll tell them how ****** I am. How I hurt you on purpose. You’ll tell them how cruel I became and, hell, they’ll believe it. They’ll believe because the truth is, a part of them always suspected. The truth of the matter is, you cannot believe rumours unless a part of you believes it could be true. And I fit the brief. There always needs to be a bad guy: someone to blame. I never wanted to be your hero but this? This is more than I can take. You will be my bad guy. That’s just how it’ll play out. I’ll sit down to coffee with someone new and your story will spill out. Perhaps in an alternate universe, you became my love. Perhaps you didn’t cause the scarring permanently on my wrists. Perhaps you didn’t manipulate me, and I didn’t manipulate you. Perhaps, just maybe, I kissed you not out of spite- but out of love. Perhaps you hate me now, and perhaps that’s okay. Perhaps no matter what we did we’d always end this way. Perhaps you’re reading this now, throat clenching up. Do you miss me, kid? Have you had enough? Would you ever believe me if I said I cared? Does it matter to you that I’ve cried actual tears. I never wanted to be your villain. And you never wanted to be mine. But perhaps we always knew where this would lead.

The truth is, I’ll continue hurting people. That’s just the way I am. My intentions don’t match up with my actions and that’s what people don’t understand. Like Miss Atomic Bomb and Mr Brightside, a game of cat and mouse I’ll play. With every bitter little heart who will call me the one who got away.
Cc Jan 2021
I am hurting so deeply
But it will never matter
Because according to you
I’m
The
Bad
Guy
Cc Dec 2020
I feel so irreparably damaged
As if it isn’t what I’ve lost that matters
But what I’ve got left
Cc Nov 2020
It’s terrifying to be in a relationship
Where you are always there to support them
Yet know that they will never truly support you
Cc Nov 2020
I had one good thing in my life.

I had one, solid stable thing

I had smooth skin on my wrist

I had one decision to make

I have one beautiful, intangible regret

I have slept one out of seven nights

I have memories where I wish there was nothing

I have pain where before there was silence

I have no good things in my life.
TW cuts
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