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Reality has a funny way
Of wrapping itself into a tiny ball
And plummeting effortlessly into
Our wide, gaping mouths
As we raise our luminous faces
To the vast and forgiving skies.
Or spinning itself outward
Into the weightless shadows
Of the wind which beats down
Upon our pale, vibrating chests,
Creating a rhythm that swoons
And capsizes with the wavering
Translucent strokes of the ocean
Upon the pure, unfiltered sand.
Life is too much with us,
As we push our weary feet
Against the all encompassing ground,
Dragging ourselves across
Stormy sidewalks covered in
Old wrapping paper and chewing gum,
Bristling park lawns
Littered with budding clover and popsicle sticks,
Smooth, linoleum floors
Full of traces of the past
Kept real by shuffling feet and 104 degree fevers.
As we continue on,
Through city streets, childhood playgrounds
And hospital waiting rooms,
We carry a little bit of the world with us,
Hidden away beneath forgotten promises
And diluted memories full of
Passionate illusions.
Time is too real to face head on,
So instead we package it up
And ship it away to the future
In the form of 99 cent greeting cards,
Faded blue jeans full of pocket lint and sentiment,
And nine to five jobs that circle endlessly until we can no longer bear it.
It's only in the dark of the night
In between warm, downy comforters
And the slow steady glow of
A dull, canary street light
That it comes to us,
Sometimes only for a moment,
Before it evaporates again
Into the mundane complacent
Lilac and honey fairy tale
Which is life.
We write*

Not for your pleasure,
Your entertainment
Or anyone's attention
We're here writing
Trying to reach something
Left unsaid
Inside of us
Something we find
For a moment
When we feel satisfied
With something
Some
Words that we have
Thrown together
In random order
Some abstraction
We disguise it
Decorate it  
But it's all there
Right in-between the lines

Why do we write?*
Hell, I don't think we know either
Ego
you say i trust to equal those in the past
whom have brought only pain and hatred
upon those in their wake?
well it's time to take a look in the mirror
my friend, no, wait, don't do that,
i wouldn't want to inflate your ego
it would come as no surprise to me if in that
mirror you would only see the eighth wonder
of the world, ever wondered if you could see
the world? i take that back, there is no sense
in snapping and losing my temper,
but all i'm doing is back tracking and
finding my self exempt of the respect that i
deserve, only you can serve to notice
the pain that you have harboured
upon the empty hearts of which now yearn
for that ever self-loving and i can only leave
you with this advice

turn around and back off
that ain't love it's idolatry.
Drive off the edge of a shallow cliff
Congrats, you've made it off the curb

Doing drastic things has never been my specialty
Let's live vicariously through someone else
I won't feel anything
But that cuts both ways

Melodramaticism spills forth onto a page that exists
Only because we want it to.
Philosophy in this place
Semantics in schools

School of thought
School of rot
School of wrought

Insides sink like they're covered in ink
Resting in my pelvis

Anatomy is for the birds
But people have it too

I'm still waiting,
Haven't you heard?
I'm still a ******.
Wrong wait,
As in: wait here just a little
I've got more to say

Feeding experiments to those most hungry
Let's secretly give syphilis.

Disgusting peoples live throughout our days
The devil and God are raging inside of me
Let's be brand new

Just nonsense,
drivel
Welcome to my poetry
There's meaning here, seriously
Just, please, don't let go of me.
He sees a way out for himself
| But he won't take it  |
|   He never takes it    |
|             Never             |
|                No                |
|             Never             |
|   He never takes it    |
| But he won't take it  |
He sees a way out for himself
I wanted to play with visuals (even though I feel it's really gimmicky).
Call it prolific
Monoliths
Monolithic
Amnesia
And pill popping

I like words
I like how they taste as they flow
From my mouth,
From my fingers,
Into your ears
Your eyes
I'm inside you.

I've never really understood that
****** conquest
(I changed pages on you)
Like, we should be proud, as men
That we've been inside someone

"I put my **** in that"
Congratulations, Charlie!
You came!
Honorary meetings
Magna *** Laude
(Did I change pages again?)

Vulgarity
Shame on you Catholic boy!
Shouldn't you be whining about *** scandal?
Talking about pro-life?
Hating the gays?

Misconceptions
Misnomers
Misconstrue my meanings
Misplace the common denominator
Math is always interesting.
This is something... I'm not even sure how I feel right now. I think I just insulted myself...
 Jan 2013 Refined in Flames
B
you don't have to do nothin
but the things you do
to make yourself beautiful
i appreciate that too

i like when your eyes are brown
i like when your eyes are hazel
i like when your hair is short
i like when your hair is braided
i like your smile, it's radiant

i like when you talk about the memory
of meeting me
and what it means
and everything that gleams
and glistens in your eyes
in the twilight of the night

i like seeing your name on my phone
i never knew that a name could make me feel a certain way
a string of text
a collection of letters
that cut deep to my heart
and open up my stomach
like peeling an apple
or an orange
a delicious fruit
you're so sweet

the things you say
really get me
like
they really shake me
and cut me to my knees
you're the best disease
the best emotional illness
the best sickness
a weak stomach

you're the tear coming down my face
and it was all worth it
and i want you to know
you're so worth it

the pain i feel
and the heartache
will never replace
how i really feel for you
and the things you do
you're just you

i don't want you to be anyone else
or change who you are
come take a ride in my car
let's talk til after dark
and wake up in the morning
man, that's the best part

to open my eyes
and instead of you being a dream
you're laying right next to me
in bed with me

a kiss on the cheek
and a soft good morning
let me cater to you
i want you to feel comfortable in my home
because you have my heart

now we are here
and the end is not near
nowhere in sight
and i hope i never see it
you're going to last forever
i hope i see you in my dreams
and awake with you from my sleep
www.deeperinsideofme.com
Dear Mercy Girl,

I know the nights when the tears come in silent screams
But the screaming music should block out everything

I am the pins and needles in your fingertips, held captive underneath your thighs
As they itch to grasp the cold metal
That cuts hot
Opening your skin like a present on a random day
That isn’t your birthday
But that doesn’t faze you
Because you’ll collect smiles where you can find them


I know the fireworks in your chest
The tearing of muscle and tissue but I promise your heart is okay

I am the knot that forms in your throat
You swallow me but I’ll just grow in the pit of your stomach…

Let yourself write tearless words of someday, one day inspiration,
Vindication that you feel

I know the emptiness,
The emotionless façade
Broken by the deafening muteness of your cries for help
You’re helpless,
Hopeless, but hoping
For anything
Except the numbness that envelops you.

And I know the numbness
That keeps you cold as you open yourself
Hot
Blue burns red,
But didn’t you know feeling isn’t your friend?

I am the stairs screaming in protest under the sudden weight of your mother coming to check on you
Because you are loved.
Hide your knife, the only weapon you need tonight is that smile
Promising you love her too.

I know the nights when the sound of your own breathing is too much noise
So I become your heartbeat
Feel me remind you that you’re still alive.

Because I feel everything.
And I feel you.
So when you need to talk about nothingness, let me be there.
You don’t need to wrap yourself in long sleeves and your scarred arms,
Share with me your troubles.
You’re too young and alive to be dying alone.
-A friend.
I wrote this the night a girl from Mercy High School committed suicide.  I couldn't fall asleep because I couldn't get her out of my mind.  I wished I could have let her know she wasn't as alone as she thought.  At the time, I didn't even know her name but I needed Mercy Girl to know I was there.
Rest in peace Angie <3
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