Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
4.0k · Jul 2011
waterfall
Red Starr Jul 2011
i dream of a soft release
a gentle letting go
of responsibility, duty, life, love
the vintage film flicks and flickers through my mind
knotty, spotty, black and white frames
me, hiding behind long strands
hair, shrouding like a confessional booth
a pale, slight hand
a glinting of metal
an intake of breath
a waterfall
a lifetime of pain
pouring
flowing
slowly fading
gently falling
ending
pain, fear, finally ending
i'd finally end
2.8k · Jan 2013
Spiderweb Lashes
Red Starr Jan 2013
Black spiderweb lashes
Drifting down
Red hashed vessels
Hidden from crowds
Pulsing lights
Heartbeat sounds
Arms and soul moving
Rhythm that pounds
Hands are grabbing
Wanting more
The soul says free me
Let me soar
It's about the beat
The ups and the downs
Feel the music
Hear the sound
Not just the sound
The hammering beat
The vibrating floor
The people heat
The sweat
The pain
The tears
The rain
The heat, hot liquid
Dripping through veins
New life given
To soulless names
Nameless faces
Passing through crowds
The beat is all that matters now
The beat, the heat. The bounce, the crowd
They all become one, somehow
You grind, you bend, you sit, you stand
You run the heat
Then you die with the band
2.4k · Feb 2013
Glow
Red Starr Feb 2013
Amethyst dew drop
Eyelash down
Full lip up-turned
Pink, glossy, round
Glitzy green sheen
On my half moon lid
Prism bright stud
Like the Luxor crown
Slightly levitating
Pierced, royal, proud
Skin luminating
Glowing from within
Golden, honey, brown sugar
Streams of gold and brown
I dance like a moonbeam
I dance like the sun
I dance like a star in flight
I dance on the run
I won't let a single man
Take this glow from me
He did it once
He did it twice
Three times
Shame on me
2.3k · Jan 2013
Hummingbird Whispers
Red Starr Jan 2013
Hummingbird whispers
Hang in the air
I sit alone with a daz-ed stare
Alone, but voices all around
They suffocatingly surround
I hear hums of hospitals
And whispers of home
I don't speak hummingbird!
I scream in the air
Just leave me alone
And let me drown
Drown in my black cloud filled with rain
This skin is numb and craves only pain
They stand there glancing with sideways eyes
Speaking their language
Planning my demise
Don't they understand?
I want only one thing
To erase the black cloud by filling it with pain
Pain, I can handle, pain, I understand
This black, numbing cloud makes no sense to me
If I could just be left alone to cut it free!
2.2k · Feb 2014
A Ballerina Dies
Red Starr Feb 2014
You wrap my arms behind me
With bright red thread
In a pattern
Like a ballerina's slipper
Gone horribly bad
You stare me down
With searing black eyes
An aura of hate
Trailing your every
Movement
You know you put them there
He says
You tied those red vines, not I
My mind is spinning
Did I?
No, I didn't think I had
His words cast a spell,
A wicked hex
That divides my thoughts
The red thread
Is constricting
As I try to find
Myself
My reality
It hurts
I'm starting to bleed
I did not do this!
I yell in my head
I suddenly become aware
That his calloused hands
Were tightening
The thread
And my reality,
Whether good or bad,
Was slowly
Killing me
In his hands
1.8k · Feb 2013
Twisted Barbie
Red Starr Feb 2013
Ballerina Barbie
Twisted, bending back
Awkward posing
Woman-doll
You painted her in black
She used to float
A sun-stream ray
Stars lit up her eyes
You took advantage
Of her light
With prying nicks and barbs
Cuts and slaps
Tore at her heart
You slowly wore away
The shining brightness that she was
Bound her like a slave
Until she woke
One foggy night
Shaking like a leaf
Vulnerable, but strong inside
She knew she had to leave
She ran straight through the wispy fog
and turned the golden key
She turned and pushed and turned and pushed
The car would go nowhere
She looked into her rear view mirror
And saw you standing there
The metal cap held in your hands
A smirk upon your face
"You twisted, broken Barbie doll
Will never leave this place."
1.7k · Nov 2011
Tree of Life
Red Starr Nov 2011
Aqua veins
Trees of life
Tears and roots
Roots and tears
Trailing down your porcelain face
I trace the life-paths with my finger tips
Watch them drip and drop
Cup them with my palm
Still they drip, but I catch those I can
I want to be your tree of life
Strong and unbending in the wind
1.6k · Oct 2011
Zoloft: A Love Poem
Red Starr Oct 2011
levitation
orgasmation
the highest elevation
barefoot in the rain
feeling no pain
running for hours
there's no higher power
elation
creation
of a new me
I've not yet seen
Rockstar
Energy
absent the caffeine
higher and higher
hour after hour
then,
slam
she's gone
lying bare on the floor
staring at the popcorn, pop on the ceiling
spider-webby nothingness
filling her brain
filling her soul
alone in her body
alone in her thoughts
lead apron-ness covering every inch of her body
emptiness
loneliness
numbness
love
exactly-like-love
1.4k · Mar 2015
Glow
Red Starr Mar 2015
And her lips were swollen
Pink-red
Eyes like glass
And gleaming
With
A secret
She wouldn't share
Aphrodite
Venus
And a little bit of
Angelina
She knows
And her eyes
Are knowing
Showing so little
Of the glowing secret
She holds
You want to know
To know
What secrets
She holds
1.4k · Jun 2011
Soul-Storm
Red Starr Jun 2011
flaming
lightening and thunder
storming
sickeningly twisting and turning
hailstorm, hurricane in my heart
in my gut
burning
cooling down with the rain, dripping
slowly calming the flames
tears and rain, rain and tears
smoke then steam
sulfur, metal, steam
red, sulfur, flames
fire
in my soul, in my mind
red-hot, heat
purple, black, blue
ache
rain and tears, tears and rain
slowly calming the flames
waves
crashing, then receding
crashing, receding
slowly receding, drifting
away
drifting away
1.3k · Feb 2010
Riptide
Red Starr Feb 2010
You drift and pull me, drift and pull me back, like the tide
I drift, pull back, drift, pull, drift then pull
I try to stay steady, calm and impassive
But you pull, and your pull is stronger than I
And your pull is so strong, and so convincing, and it's so persuading
And you're so persuasive
I'm so convinced
I'm so
1.3k · Mar 2013
Collide
Red Starr Mar 2013
Petal-soft lip
Dancing tips
Handprint on my undulating hip
Twist my hair
Ember in your stare
Circle me like a piece so rare
Arms praise the sky
Worshipping my thigh
trailing up my stardust side
Silken-scarf wrapped 'round my waist
Gliding up my ******* posthaste
Hands are proud, anything but chaste
Confident, urgent, pressing on
Convincing me what's right, what's wrong
Your long black hair, Samson's song
Mind is spinning, tripping, slipping
All I feel is your heart and breathing
Nothing's holding me back from giving
Rhythm, fast, space, beat
Touch, glide, hot, heat
Two heavenly bodies collide and meet
1.2k · Aug 2011
Transportation
Red Starr Aug 2011
my legs were a vee
your fingers were searching
like they had eyes of their own
and you drove too fast
the vodkas intoxicating us
lust created an immortal shell
the san francisco bay misting our windows
i tasted its salt on your lips
your legs were a vee
and my fingers had eyes of their own
we transported to a place
you and i know
but very few know
and our fingers still have eyes of their own
1.2k · Feb 2012
Worry
Red Starr Feb 2012
I sold worry over a fence post
And my neighbor ran away with it
Created it into a new worry, and spoke of it to another
Like a game of telephone
They look at me strangely now
Talk to me differently
Think I'm something I'm not
I hide from them in my house
Look out my window as they play at their drinking games
Talk about me at bunko
Gossip about me at girl's night
Walk past me like I'm a ghost
Avoid me like a pariah, a ***** covered in sores
I sold worry over the fence post
And now I sit alone
1.2k · Jun 2011
Curse
Red Starr Jun 2011
you sit there
small, but so large
quiet, but with a novel of words written all over your face
folded in, but crying out
a man, but still a little boy
my little boy
rebelling against this curse on your mind
alone in your misery
i'm here, i'm trying so hard to understand
i feel your pain
your pain is my own sickness
your misery is my misery
there is light at the end
there is lightness to the weight you're feeling right now
let me lift the weight for a while
let me carry it until we find the answer
i'm searching so hard for the answer
until then, please let me carry some of it
i'll make it my weight and my burden
my own curse
until it's solved
1.2k · Apr 2013
Jaded Angel
Red Starr Apr 2013
Broken girl
Folded over the curb
Neon pink wig
Halo on her head
Vomiting in the street
"Lose a contact?"
A smart *** says
Lost
She has lost more than that
Vodkas, beers, lemon drops
Spin her head
Completely around
Sea salt spray
Mists on her lips
Clears her mind
For a brief moment
Memories try to sneak back in
But the liquor swirls them away
******* on unsteady feet
Jostles her way
Back into the Riptide
Crowded with Halloween revelers
Sits, then slips off the
Retro bar stool
Asks for more punishment in a glass
Anything to make the pain push away
Even if just for a few hours
She's now had her fill
Halo a bit askew
Pink wig in place
Friends gather 'round
She's incapable of walking
Arms around each other
They make the long journey home
She gratefully passes out
On the cool, crisp sheets
Oblivious to the pain for several more hours
Avoided until she wakes up
To the cold, hard truth
There's no escaping it now
1.2k · Feb 2011
Oppress
Red Starr Feb 2011
Militant, cursing, ruling, ordering
telling me what to do
how to do
when and where to do
I do
What I want
You tell me what to want
but, I do what I want
and will
not
listen
to
you
1.1k · Apr 2013
Disorderly Conduct
Red Starr Apr 2013
BPNOS
EDNOS
PTSD
MDD
OCD
I am each
And
All of these
Cursed
But
Blessed
They
Make
Me,
Me
Scared to put this out there, but hoping it helps others somehow.
1.1k · Oct 2011
Britney Moment
Red Starr Oct 2011
Britney Spears moment
I had
Now I know
What she didn't have
Was a gatekeeper
Someone telling her
No
Don't do it
You'll regret it
Wait
I almost cut off my hair today
Almost cut it off
Almost cut my arm today
That was a secret, tho
Cutting my hair is safer
So, why not?
I wonder
Did Britney
Cut herself too?
1.0k · Jan 2013
Unchained
Red Starr Jan 2013
Candy apple lips
Black, then green eyes
Hair, a tidal wave rolling down her back

She is comic-book pretty
The boys come to look
They sit and stare at her form

She just looks at the moon
And cries

She is a snail
Dark and slimy
Crawling along the ground

They say she shines like the sun
But sees only the moon
She knows nothing of the beauty outside

A black net caught it
Trapped it one day
With words taking swings like fists

She felt them
Absorbed them
Now those words are chains
hanging around her neck

"******* *****"
"Stupid ******* *****"
"******* ugly as hell"

The words were followed
With hammers and nails
Locked doors
Glass shards
Her neck pressed hard to the floor

She escaped that death
Is finding a new life
One without bitter swords

But right now, she cannot believe
This beauty they see
After years of being torn apart
974 · Jan 2013
A Dark Place
Red Starr Jan 2013
Box cutter to skin
Stop!
But the lights are screaming
The corners become razors
The stars even hurt my eyes
And the voices are vices to my head
My skin becomes a prison
My vessels and veins are clawing to get out
Misfiring neurotransmitters, the doctors say
Swallow this cocktail of pretty pills and you'll feel fine
Pastels of pink and yellow and green
Swallow them daily, I do
But still the world screams and cuts at me
I want dark and cool and peace
This world does not understand
It hurls at me
Throwing knives and swords as I sprint away
Box cutter to skin
Peace as the stress drips down my arm
Dark as it drips faster
Cool, peace and dark
922 · Feb 2012
lose it
Red Starr Feb 2012
caved in
my gut
gurgling
to the sounds
of my worry
wound tight
***** of yarn
roll
around
and roll
sharp triangles
shape my back
but round my shoulders
all at once
rounded but sharp
all at once
steel cords
pull at my spine
spring from my neck
down to my waist
worry
beyond words
learn to breathe
i must
before
i
lose
my
mind
918 · Mar 2011
day lily
Red Starr Mar 2011
day-lily at night
just before the crack of dawn
neo-soft petals
curled up
hesitantly
unraveling
undulating
as i unfold
in the muted sunstream
gently awakening
to the world
with soft sighs
and quiet hopes for the day
917 · Feb 2011
minimalist
Red Starr Feb 2011
warm, floaty, light-yet-heavy
you make me feel
normal
high
above-it-all
chemistry
to the
nth
degree
short
reprise from
life's reality
me joined with
you
894 · Mar 2013
Siren's Song
Red Starr Mar 2013
I turn to
Stone
When I glance at you
I Jump into the sea
To escape your stare
Chill of
Salty waves
Nearly toss me
Like a sand dollar
Floating near the break
I become
Coral in a
Musky
Tide pool
Yet still I turn to you
For guidance
But you're too
Weak in your
Own rite
And you're not
Aware when I need
You the most
So I turn away
And I turn
Inward
Look in
And search for the
Answer but
It's simply not there
Pray to
The universe
Stained glass Jesus
Rotund Buddha
Dark Mother Mary
Demure and strong
And I hear...
Nothing
And the nothing is so
****** quiet
The nothing
Hurts my ears
So I clutch
My head
My hands press it hard
And tight
The headache drums
Demons play games
With my cerebral vortex
My vision narrows to
A pinpoint
Haloes consume the
Small space of
Sight that remains
The boulders I carry
Are too heavy
Lighten my load!
I plead
Before I'm
Dragged down
By the sea siren
She whispers lies
To me
Tells me she will
Carry the boulders
They'll be lighter
At the bottom
Of the sea,
She says
She tempts me
With her promises
Of peace, dark, cool, light
But I know better
If I go with her
It will mean death
And I've died
So many times already
I'm so tired of dying
892 · Mar 2010
Wings
Red Starr Mar 2010
You sew a nest of thorned branches
Wrap me tight within
You think I'll stay tied down
Tied to you
You think if you wrap tightly enough
I'll stay
You pick and pull at my fragile down
The tender under-side
You know exactly where to pick
You know if you pry and ***** there
I'll break
You're wrong, though
I look frail, I look weak, I look broken
I'm not
And you're wrong
Underneath those thorned branches
Underneath the prison-nest you wove
My wings are strong
And my wings are ready for flight
And when I'm ready
I'll fly
Far
Away
881 · Mar 2013
Crash
Red Starr Mar 2013
Disembodied, hovering, floating to her chair
I guess that's the only way I could have made it there
I don't recall walking down the hall
And opening her door
But soon I sat, zombie-like
Staring at the floor
Her brown eyes scanning, studying
Prying for some more
More to the story than what she saw
walking through that door
Soon the tears rained down my face
My mouth refused to move
The words, cotton, in my throat
Stuck to tell the tale
Only solution left to do
Was lift the cotton veil
The silence, thick, lay in the room
As slowly I unfold
And bared my story
Red and slashed,
with words Still left untold
I lifted my gaze and met her eyes
Scared of what I'd see
Detached alarm
Reaching for my arm
Questions raining down
When and how and why and what?
Do you want to do it again?
I slowly nodded up and down
We have two solutions then
Go to the hospital right away
I recommend you do
Or call a sister or a friend
To watch you
24 and 7
What the hell brought me to this place
You maybe ask yourself
Imbalances, and life and the loss of love
Neurotransmitters and pain
Wrong medicines and hate and grief
The fear of burdening my friends
My days go by
Both good and bad
I'm up and then I'm down
I dream of a girl in red and blood
Then a girl with gold and pearls
I dream of crashing head and on to end the pain and strife
Then think about the beauty ahead that's sure to come to life
Balance is a word I long to reach
It's far and foggy now
I hope one day it will sit and stay
And I'll be just like you, my friend
Exactly like you, my friend
876 · Dec 2010
merry christmas
Red Starr Dec 2010
running, raging, store to store
buying, selling, getting more
more and more to give and get
deeper, deeper into debt
false smile here, fake laugh there
****-santa in a chair
"merry christmas, tom and sue!"
what i really mean is, "*******!"
frenzied music fills the air
blinking lights, garrish stars
liquor, beer to soothe the scars
soon it will be over
this mad rush
happy holidays, from this jaded lush!
875 · Feb 2013
Light
Red Starr Feb 2013
Stained-glass Jesus
Third-eye light
Glinting silver metal
Blinding my sight
Fourth-of-July light show
Lighting up my mind
Pinball bounces
Side to side
Gripping the nightstand
Walking across the floor
Lightening bolts zagging
Green colors and more
All this light and color
Is just too much sometimes
Even when I close my eyes
It's always me they find
871 · Apr 2013
Tossin' it Up
Red Starr Apr 2013
No, I don't think I will
No, tonight I think I won't
My stomach is protruding, though
I feel full
And I don't like that one bit
No, I don't think I will tonight
No, I think I won't
But I can't stop thinking
How my stomach passes over
My hallowed out hips and bones
No, I won't do it
But, yes, maybe I will
I don't think I can stand one minute more
This feeling of overly full
No, I don't think I'll do it now
But, yes, maybe just one time more
It won't hurt anyone
It's just for fun
It keeps the scale right in place
So, yes, maybe this one time more
My doctor told me , "No!"
She said take this extra yellow pill
And you'll feel like everything's in its place
But, no, I didn't take that pill
That pill will make me fat
So I'll toss up all I ate tonight
And then fall perfectly flat
Upon my bed
Curled up instead of
Feeling all obese
I'm done with rolls
And heaves and hoes
And ready for floats and leaps
I don't care for the stares
Of the strangers and theirs
I'm gonna do as I please
849 · May 2013
Girl in a Box
Red Starr May 2013
She sits
And stares
Blank
Turns to the left
Turns to the right
Cold
Alone
No one
There
She sits
And stares
She wants
A warm
She wants
A beat
A heart beat
Warm
Held
Right there
But no
She sits
Alone
And stares
People
Here
People
There
But alone
She sits
And stares
Cross leg-ged
Cold head-ed
All alone
They flit
To the left
They flit
To the right
But no one
Sees her there
She wants
A beat
A heart
Beat
Warm and
Pulsing
There
But alone
She sits
And
Stares
How can
One
With
So many
Others
Be so
All
Alone?
She sits
In a box
A self-made
Box
And revels
In the
Dark
Yearns for
Love
And warmth
And peace
But chooses
Night
Instead
829 · Jun 2011
Shell
Red Starr Jun 2011
fragile as a snail shell
i am
paper-thin layer
my body-shell
your words
break me
raw inside
fragile outside
step
with
care
825 · Apr 2013
Aura of Gold
Red Starr Apr 2013
Why does my soul feel hollow?
Why is it difficult to breathe?
Why is it bile that I swallow?
When it's only you I see

I want to fill my soul
With petals of pink and green
And have an aura of gold
Surrounding me, heaven-serene

But your eyes melt like wax
My warm and giving heart
My white flag stands at half-mast
You pull and tear me apart

I'm standing at a crossroads
If I stay, I'll wilt like a rose
Or, I can choose to run far away, down paths and unknown roads
And hope and pray that it all will end in lyrical, elegant prose
819 · Jun 2011
mercury tears
Red Starr Jun 2011
cotton batting fills my frontal lobes
i'm too dry to weep
you charge at me
your head a mallet
your fists restrained hammers at your sides
"you getting ready to go out?"
you say
my eyes are soul-less, flat and gray
as I turn to you
my jaw opens, then closes
opens and closes
words weave in and out of the cotton batting
and stick there
"you getting ready to go somewhere?"
you say
flames fill my chest and the words are pushed and spill out
in monotone, with mercury dripping down my face
i say
"i'm going to visit my son in the mental hospital."
pause
my face, a classic flat-effect,
"you know this and why are you making me say this out loud?"
the sharp angles of the letters slice my throat
and more mercury drips
and acid fills the back of my throat
my eyes are soul-less, flat and gray
and you glare sharp blades at me
wrapped in a silicone shell of your narcissim
"you look like you're getting ready to go out somewhere."
you say
chrome glazing over  your eyes, over your heart
with that, the cotton batting fills more space
my soul-self doubles over in pain
and with that
the side of me that lived for you
died
813 · Feb 2010
I gave at the office
Red Starr Feb 2010
You poke and **** and spear and rant
You stab and smear and spike and blaze
You glare and burn and ***** and peel
And I 'm done with your acrid, scouring gaze
I'm done with your lies and cheating way
I'm done with your lifting, lofty speech
And your hubris, cheap and tinny speak
I give and gave and bled and wept
I toiled and tapped and printed and prepped
And now there is nothing
There's nothing left
805 · Jun 2011
messed up
Red Starr Jun 2011
psychosis
psychotic
words i once was frightened by
now i'm touched by
physically felt by
wondering when i'll be brushed by them again
a child with a mind turned completely backwards
it must be your fault, he says
you must be one pretty messed up mother to have a child like me, he says
maybe
just, maybe
he
is
right
769 · Apr 2013
A Fix for Alice
Red Starr Apr 2013
"Drink me!” “Eat me!”
You messed up little girl
Stop fidgeting, You talk too much
You're crying all the time
You're spiraling down that rabbit hole
We can't save you every time
"Drink me!” "Eat me!”
You can't continue this way
You sleep too much
You don't sleep enough
You talk of suicide
"Drink me!” “Eat me!”
They'll surely help
Anything is better than you right now
Oops, the green one makes you way too high
So take this blue one too
This yellow one keeps the blade away
Better take two of those
The little white dots keep the pounds away
Don't mind your tingling toes
The big white oval keeps your muscles loose
From that miracle yellow dose
Lastly, these aqua discs will melt your fears away
You'll sleep like a baby every night
And keep our pain away
"Drink me!” “Eat me!”
Become normal again!
It's simple chemistry
Just wash these down when the time is right
And we'll never have to worry again
I'll never be a worry again
739 · Dec 2014
Pulse
Red Starr Dec 2014
A pale, pulsing membrane
Surrounds my inner core
You don't know me
You think you do
But,
i'm alone
And don't want you
To find me
I want to be
Vulnerable and alone
I am
A shining light,
Pale,
And alone.
735 · Mar 2013
Egomania
Red Starr Mar 2013
A deep, red reminder of a night so black
Caught between two psychopaths
All I wanted was a little peace
But the two simply would not agree
Take it out on them, you might
My remedy? Get out the knife
Anger, pain and desperation
All turned inward, self aggression
Exhausted by the constant fight
Two deep cuts in my arm that night
Solution, ideation, imagination?
Two grown men and their ego fascinations?
Exhausted by the constant fight
I should probably turn in this ******* knife
732 · Feb 2011
Lie
Red Starr Feb 2011
Lie
lie to me
like you do
so beautifully
I'll believe
because I want to believe
draw the lacy-love-shades
over my knowing eyes
for a little while longer
it's easier to go on believing
than to face the piercing
awful
truth
729 · Jun 2013
Lost and not yet Found
Red Starr Jun 2013
Do you ever feel
Like the words are stuck,
So much you want to say?
But you allowed someone
To break the connection
Between your soul and fingers?
Do you ever feel
So pushed and pulled
By other's emotions
You forget which ones
Are truly your own?
Are you so compelled
To give and give to others
You whither in the drought
That's left behind?
Boundaries, boundaries are
So hard for me to find.
They're invisible laser beams
Protecting a fine jewel.
I can't see them.
I clumsily make my way through.
I allow others to determine my path.
Where is the strength
I felt two years ago?
Will it ever return?
Until then, I swing from here to there,
Tripping, slipping along the way.
Searching for the strength I knew
Before my world was turned upside-down.
701 · Feb 2010
Fine
Red Starr Feb 2010
It's fine
It's all just ******* fine
I'm fine
I'm really ******* fine
My heart is a trampled, stomped on mess
I sprint and weave to get away from the rest
I pray and curse and wish and sigh
I dream and come and sleep and cry
I sip and gulp to steep the highs
And image a simpler, healthier life
697 · Apr 2010
Hold
Red Starr Apr 2010
Always on the surface
just on the edge
ready to spill
over
emotions always boiling
bubbling
churning
strong ocean waves
spinning
coiling
curling
waiting
must hold them in
deep in
hide
protect
so noone sees
always hiding them
so noone sees
my secret
663 · Mar 2015
Vacancy
Red Starr Mar 2015
This can't hide
All that
Rests inside
Love, loathing, pain and holding
Trying to hold back
All that's hiding
Deep, deep
Cutting, hating, lusting, waiting
Wanting to explode
You don't know!
What it's like
To hold
I hold back so much
All the time
You don't even know
What I want
Who I am
Who I hope to be
You sit and stare
Vacancy in your eyes
Saying words
As they come to mind
I watch,
I watch your mouth moving
And your words
Enter
Then leave
Like smoke
Released
From a woman's
Pursed lips
Who the hell are you?
Why the hell
Am I with you?
I sit
Cross-legged
And alone
Waiting, wanting, wishing
And alone
Head in my hands,
Alone
657 · Jan 2013
Two Steps
Red Starr Jan 2013
One step in, One step out
Her palm pressed to mine urges me on
It's the perfect place
She says
You can rest and think and find peace here
A friend of mine says it's the best
Fog rolls in and out of my mind
Two steps in, I'm forever insane
I remain at the threshold of the door
I laugh quietly in my own head
I sob quietly on the outside
How did I find these shoes?
I look down at them
Are they even mine?
I was that girl everyone said was strong
I was that girl who faced everything awful
Without even a wince
These shoes are now filled by a girl
Who lays crucified to her bed by leaden bricks
While the world makes its demands
As the bricks press her firmly down
Tears form steady streams in paths down her face
She dreams, no, fantasizes of her own death
She knows exactly how she'll do it
Her heart races all night
Listening for slamming doors and
Heavy objects being thrown against the wall
Her brain has become a muddled mess
Of panic and pain, of blacks and blues
And sometimes extreme reds and yellows
The simplest questions can no longer be answered
And yet, she's supposed to make this choice?
Two steps in, insane forever
Or remain at the threshold of the door
One step in, one step out
I break the connection of our palms
Walk haltingly away
I'm not prepared to mark myself forever
The fog lifts just a little bit
A shadow of that strong girl brushes by
"I can do this on my own," I say.
648 · Oct 2013
Gone in a Wink
Red Starr Oct 2013
I
Just
Took
That
Extra
Pill
You
Told
Me
To
Take
Will
I
Die
Or
Will
I
Wake
I
Drank
What
I
Was
Not­
Supposed
To
Drink
Now
Pills
And
Alcohol
Mix
To
Sink
Within
My
So­ul
A
Drop
To
Think
I'm
Dead
I
Think
Good
Night
A
Wink
Or
Twelve
O­r
100
Or
Forever
Winks
I
Love
You
HP
You
Saved
Me
Many, many
Winks
You'll know
If I
Survived
If you
Hear
From me
Again
Xo
I love you
More
Than
You
Will
Know
647 · Mar 2012
Heat
Red Starr Mar 2012
Stiff and tense I sit
Hunched over words, words about money, loss
With and without
Honed
Razored
Bent and
Focused
Then you brush me
Ever so gently
Touch me
The words, once so important, become unfocused
I struggle to reign them
Tame me
Put them in their place
But you sniff and prowl
Lift and pull
The razor softens
My body
Controlled by a magnet
Deep in the center
Raises and weeps
Bucks and leaps
At the brilliant touch
Of a man in heat
624 · Mar 2010
Alone
Red Starr Mar 2010
Metal wire wrapped 'round; barbs and ******
Compressed, depressed breathing
And, and panic
And I tell myself, it will be all right, and I tell myself to just breathe
Breathe deep
I console and cajole
I convince and soothe
I am an iron rod
On my own
By myself
Me
612 · Feb 2011
Enough
Red Starr Feb 2011
poetry isn't love
true poetry isn't false love-words
poetry is the ugly, folded in with the beauty, entwined with the sordid, enveloped by the twisted, laced with light and dewy pontifications on what life and love want to be, sometimes are and more often, will never be.
enough with your over-the-top, Shakespearean dronings-on...tell me how you really feel.
610 · Feb 2011
Inevitable
Red Starr Feb 2011
they're in here
all inside
butterflies
crows
sparrows
flutter against my ribcage
like it's a prison wall or something
but it's just my humanity
not a jail cell
but they flutter, flit, spiral, fly
like they're trapped
it's not a true prison
they could escape
float and spread outside
somewhere beyond me
but I trap them
keep them trapped
deep in my center
afraid to let them out
fully free them
afraid of what others will think
they'll judge
I know they will
so, fearfully I keep them
"protect" them
I say
protection is another word for
oppression
but, protection sounds better
so, they're protected
deep inside the core and center
of me
amy thinks she knows me
jill thinks I'm a straight and narrow chick
kathy's sure I'm that certain type
but
the wild, flying beasts
deep, deep inside
are olive, scarlet, black, pear
earthy, volatile, scattered, rare
ever so rare
and hidden
hide, I feel I must
until
one
breaks
through
the wall I've worked so hard to build
inevitable
inevitably
one will
escape
free
Next page