Aqua veins
Trees of life
Tears and roots
Roots and tears
Trailing down your porcelain face
I trace the life-paths with my finger tips
Watch them drip and drop
Cup them with my palm
Still they drip, but I catch those I can
I want to be your tree of life
Strong and unbending in the wind

Britney Spears moment
I had
Now I know
What she didn't have
Was a gatekeeper
Someone telling her
No
Don't do it
You'll regret it
Wait
I almost cut off my hair today
Almost cut it off
Almost cut my arm today
That was a secret, tho
Cutting my hair is safer
So, why not?
I wonder
Did Britney
Cut herself too?

and you kept talking
and weeping
and telling me how sad you were
how you destroyed our family
how you can't believe you've done all the things you did
how all you want is your family back
you said this with tears in your eyes
tears falling down your face
and i looked at our son
closed in the back seat of your truck
dimple caving into his sweet smiling cheek
clueless, deaf to the words spilling out of  your mouth
you said you think i tune out at times
tune out when you're talking about these important, meaningful things
things you keep talking about, ranting about
and i looked again at our son, dimp-ly smiling in the back of the truck
so i put a red trader joe's bag over my head
tuned completely out
did a little dance
waved goodbye to darling little Tanner
tuned out until the next time
tuned out and walked away

levitation
orgasmation
the highest elevation
barefoot in the rain
feeling no pain
running for hours
there's no higher power
elation
creation
of a new me
I've not yet seen
Rockstar
Energy
absent the caffeine
higher and higher
hour after hour
then,
slam
she's gone
lying bare on the floor
staring at the popcorn, pop on the ceiling
spider-webby nothingness
filling her brain
filling her soul
alone in her body
alone in her thoughts
lead apron-ness covering every inch of her body
emptiness
loneliness
numbness
love
exactly-like-love

it isn't like you didn't know, ash and coal spilling from your mouth
like a stone pit the day after a campfire; cold, dead, acrid, gray
but still you want to pry it out of me
reach deep down into my throat
you know i protect it there
too painful to release
but you pry and you never know when to stop
and you never know when enough is enough
bright red stop signs
neon red lights
you waltz right through them
charm your way past
nothing deters, and so i curl up again
a tight, miniature rosebud
vulnerable, tiny thorns
your over-sized hands tear right through
you tear through
and your tearing through breaks me
it breaks it all

my legs were a vee
your fingers were searching
like they had eyes of their own
and you drove too fast
the vodkas intoxicating us
lust created an immortal shell
the san francisco bay misting our windows
i tasted its salt on your lips
your legs were a vee
and my fingers had eyes of their own
we transported to a place
you and i know
but very few know
and our fingers still have eyes of their own

i dream of a soft release
a gentle letting go
of responsibility, duty, life, love
the vintage film flicks and flickers through my mind
knotty, spotty, black and white frames
me, hiding behind long strands
hair, shrouding like a confessional booth
a pale, slight hand
a glinting of metal
an intake of breath
a waterfall
a lifetime of pain
pouring
flowing
slowly fading
gently falling
ending
pain, fear, finally ending
i'd finally end