I can't be with you, I feel like I'm.

Fasting.

Are you.

Hungry.

Because I'm starving.

Myself...

I can't be with you.

And it feels like I'm...

It doesn't rain in Southern California.

I told you.

Bold you, somehow make me.

The taste of your tongue breaks the dam and I know you love the flood, because we're in love and we never use gloves.

Then you deep sea dive, claw into my thighs and I can't not look into your eyes.....uuhhmmn.

When I get closer my back will arch some, and I levitate when the light creeps over the horizon.  

You slip inside of me and we settle our differences, and the difference is this feeling we share. I whine and grip in between stares and it hurts too good so you kiss me when I glare.  

And I'm feeling it starting to rise, you do too.

So you go harder.

And faster.

And harder.

And faster.

Hurts so good. You ******* *******.

So now we're both soaking wet.

I just....

Didn't know it could rain in Southern California.

Too beautiful to be ashes.  

I felt jealous. I placed a flower in your casket and wept.

You had the courage to finish and they say those who do so are weak. But they don't understand how it feels to have a rope around your neck and a chair under your feet.

I admire you, but I wish you wouldn't have done it. But I understand how you needed to end your pain because it multiples the more you covet.

Your smile was a painting but I saw the pain in your eyes. And it's okay, Mona Lisa...I understand the pain you've disguised.

I know you didn't mean for us to hurt you just needed to end yours, but now  I'll always be afraid of what's behind silent doors...Mona Lisa.

No words. "Hang in there."
No words. Hanging there...

...Mona Lisa.

If I'm unlucky enough, I'll be lucky enough to see you in a little while.

Until then...smile, Mona Lisa.

Smile.

Gather 'round, gather around.
The music plays as we stare at the magician. All cloaked in red, in honor of their traditions.

Styled by the mortician, we're all gathered around because of her magic tricks.

She can make herself disappear.

So step right up...step right up. Take a look and take a seat. The crowd whispers and whimpers and we're broken by the sound of her mother's weep.

And at exactly one o'clock she'll make herself ashes...by kicking the chair from underneath her feet.

Voilà
...Houdini.

"You jump, I jump
Remember"

Clinging on for dear life
Too scared to look up
Or look down
I concentrate on your terrified eyes the tears streaming down your face
"Look at me"
"Trust me"
"Give me your hand"
"I'll never let you go"
Whispering soothing words and giving you the hope to leap
"I can't do it, I can't jump"
"Yes you can - you trust me, don't you?"
"Yes"
I grip your hand tight
You scream
And scream
And scream
We're flying now
"I've got you"
"Sshh..it's ok - it's over, we did it"
I cup your face and gaze with pride in my eyes
"You did it"

"You jump, I jump
Remember"*

This is the Leap of Faith.

have you ever had those days
when you miss that feeling
of the blade touching your skin
and barely missing a vein?
the excitement you feel
when blood pours out
and the manic grin that
spreads across your face
as the pain subsides?'

i'll be honest,
it is what i have thought about
all day long.
i want the blood
and the pain and the
momental joy.

but, that is all it is.
the feeling flees the second
i am done, the high is gone
and all i am left with is
a ripped up wrist.

hopefully, love isn't the same way.
but, all great addictions usually are.