Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
This sharpener blade
Pressed on my skin
Drawing blood as I breathe in.
The scars will not fade
And the scars will not lie
About the story of my life.
The sickening felling I get afterwards
I know that this is no good.
There I  one thing that vegetable
One thing that makes me think
And that is the heartbeat
Which tells me that I'm alive
I cannot escape the feelings
Of never being good enough
I cannot escape the feelings
Of wanting to let go of life.
I'm desperate but still I can't accept
This life is just too hard to handle
So many people think I am strong
But they can't see the tears that fall.
I'm not good enough for life
I'm not good enough to stay alive.
With this cold blade pressed to my skin
I can feel the blood oozing
This lets me know I'm alive
That's the last thing I want to be.
Why you standing over there?
out of reach, not out of sight
I don't want you to walk
out of that door now
I want you here, feeling you
breathing down my neck

I'm missing you, are you missing
me?
does your heart beat to the same
sound that mine, pulsates every
moment I see your face

Let me close that door so that
every thought of you shuts
banged closed
dissipates in space

Holding myself faithful can you
hear me whisper
your name?
in my sleep I am talking
to you
again
can you see me when your
eyes are closed?
the way I see you, day in
day out

Tiny steps vibrate through
my mind
holding your voice in my head
I hear you
in those dreams
they may be crazy
untrue
yet they keep me breathing
oxygen for
these lungs
catching breath

I'm staying up late
drinking again
all because
I probably
miss you.

Writing my heart out
in ways inarticulate
because these feelings
as hard as I fight
won't leave me
locked within
even the written word
with its choice of millions
are not enough
for what I feel
for you
and the love, I have.

© Sia Jane
 Nov 2013 Rebecca L Jacobs
Jay
Shush, my darling,
you do.
Press your lips against mine
and then we don't have to
worry about words at all.
Lucky
Is what you are
So lucky your life
Seems happy and complete

You have three sets of grandparents
Your own mother and father are still married
You have two younger brothers
You've had so many boy friends
You seem so happy and normal
Your life seems so perfect

Reality is, my life is far from it

One pair if grandparents
Lives in the town over
Grandpa molested me
And grandma is still married to the SOB

Another pair in Illinois
Another right with them
Both love me with all their hearts
Both 2000 miles away

My mother had two husbands before my dad
One abused her and she was told kids
Were nothing but a big dream
And then she found my dad

That's when I came into the picture
They fight and argue
I use to wish they would just divorce already
But yes, things are better

I shouldn't be called a big sister
I am terrible
Always screaming and yelling
But my love for them is infinite
I just wish they knew it

One boy friend abused me
Others broke my heart
And secretly
I am dating a girl

I have so many brain issues
You want me to list them
Alphabetically
Or chronologically

My life isn't perfect but I try
You don't know the whole
You shouldn't judge anyone
On what you've heard from foreign ears

Same goes for me I guess
its a beat and harmony
burning my skin from within
as my pulse rises
the mood is set
oh wait
are we there yet?

i get scared of my demons
that battles and scars
within the fire in my skin

it isnt rage in my bones
it isnt hate in my eyes
all about what i do with it
can you see?

i wanna set you free
my flames need to fanned
stop your ****
face me, please!

my pulse races
it shoots in my veins
you're vain, in the horrible way
im afraid--
that the flames for you are exiled.

— The End —