They told me I was gonna be
A big Star
They said that with a face like mine
I could get what I wanted
I wanted to go far
I wanted everyone to know my name

I started out as a model
But when people learned I could read
They put me in front of a different camera
It was all the same to me
Pose here
Say a line or two there
It came easily to me

Women wanted me
Men wanted to be me
Everyone idolized me
Perfect Teeth
Perfect Eyes
Perfect Hair
Perfect Tan
Perfect Body
I was the total package

But when you're the total package
They don't tell you how lonely it is
In the spotlight
At first it didn't bother me
I thought
Who needs friends when I could have
Fans

It was all fun and games
Until my fifteen minutes were up
You can't be the young new face forever
I've realized the hard way that
All fame does is
Chew you up
Bleed you dry
And Spit you out
You don't get any say in the matter

I still get recognized here and there
By people like you of course
Would you like a picture?
An autograph?
No?
Ok, thats fine
How about I start you all off with some drinks?

It rained today
The sky was blue
The sun was out
And it was sickly humid
I mean ****,
It was raining sideways
Soap opera tears coming from seemingly nowhere
It just makes you think
Maybe god didn't want me to go outside and get anything done today
If I am made in god's image
Maybe he's as lazy as me

If my life is like a tightrope
and I'm toeing down the the line
then the world is my audience
they're all waiting for different things
to see me fall
fail
take the big nose dive of suspense
others are just curious
as to the nature of the whole spectacle
and an odd couple hundred of people
want to see me make to the other side
smiling and laughing
ecstatic in the ecstasy of my success
and the way I see it
that makes my Dad
a safety net made out of green backs
and my Mum
the harness I use to get back up
when i inevitably fall off

You know, I would like to call this a poem
But really all it feels like is bleeding.
Like the flood that pumped through me is,
Wasted.
And trust me,
That hurts.
When I think of all,
I can't help but cringe.
Because somewhere in the between I lost the pieces of my puzzle,
That I was really looking for.
And that the love that I etched so carefully
Into the lines of your face
Ticked backwards, like a forgotten clock,
At his mention.
For you, I connected constellations in your freckles,
As though there was some kind of system of finding my
Way in this labyrinth that I know so well.
I found oceans of depth in those eyes,
That promised me salvation in happiness
That promised love in loss.
Although I have learned,
That when you explore too deep
It is easy to become lost.
The bleeding isn't a pattern,
There is no rhyme to this reason,
Only treason and tragedy.
So excuse the torrent,
Because I've already drowned in the flood.
Remember when flowers grew in the garden?

An architects influence, extends only as far
As his lifetime
Although sculpted buildings may last well beyond
A single life
They are but toys for the times
Repurposed and retooled until
It carries nothing but shadows of it's origin
What should have been a schoolhouse
Could soon become a prison
What should have been a church
Would soon become a business
And in a backwards and cruel way
There is an odd sort of beauty in this
Because life is just a series of
Would have been, should have been, and could have been
That didn't.