Real4God: Favorites

You were my husband for seven years

You're terrible moods drove me to tears

I made my escape one year ago

I got away from your alter ego

I don't want to brag I don't want to ramble

But it does my heart good to see you unravel

I know that is selfish for me to feel

You dished such anger it was so hard to deal

You moved her out twice and back again

Who knows where this one is going end

She doesn't know the troubles I've seen

She'll have to survive her own bad dream

Nov 2013 Real4God

I Can Only Try

Nov 2013 Real4God

Katrina Wendt

I Can Only Try

I can lay
right next to you
and never touch you

I can see you smile
from across the room
without kissing you

I can watch you
leave the room
and resist hugging you goodbye

But sometimes
when I'm next to you
you have to ask me to move away

Because for a few minutes
I let fantasy get confused with reality
and I lean against you during a movie

And it's so warm
your arm and mine, touching
for that minute I'm at peace

But when you ask
of course I make room
Because I don't want you to feel uncomfortable

And if you weren't my friend
I would probably try it
just once, to know what it would be like to kiss you

But ideally,
I'll get over this
and when I am, we'll still be friends

So in the meantime
I try not to think about kissing you
and I only hug you when I have reason to

What I'm saying is
I will do what I can
to keep myself sane and our friendship intact

But just know
that with every look I give
I wish I could give so much more.

2013

Nov 2013 Real4God

Requiem.

Nov 2013 Real4God

James Palmer

Requiem.

It must be a great feeling
To be that guy and get to say
"I'm in a good place right now"
Where is this place? Why wasn't I invited?
What short straw did I pull that left me here
in this bad place
With nothing to help me fend off my responsibilities except a pen and pad.
And the pen doesn't feel all too mighty right now.
I long for love and acceptance
I do not like what I have become
Maybe people expect too much from me
Maybe it’s the defeated attitude I run around with
But I will never believe myself to be anything close to great.
Sometimes I do a good job at what I do
And sometimes, the right thing comes naturally
But if before I were a kite, now I’m a safe with walls four feet thick.
And I keep locked inside of me those memories of days when I would sore
I still dream of hot days
But secretly hope for storms
Because sometimes, silver linings get mistaken for rough weather.
Right now, I’m sitting here, with my tea going cold.
My door is open, yet I feel like it’s locked.
The weather is bright yet I am cold
And I cannot bring myself to get up
Because I do not know what I am getting up from
And I do not know why each day I come home and get straight into bed
Still hoping for something good to happen
When what I am doing is putting myself into a cage
And treating it like I am taking myself for a walk.
And so every morning I get up and I wonder what happened in my sleep to make me look so rough
And I tread on wooden floorboards that are splintered
And I make myself tea, that always has a bitter taste
And I can’t help but wonder, is this a delusion?
Am I looking at things through eyes which do not want to see the possibilities
Or am I merely living in a world in which nothing can bring me happiness?
Or at least I don’t let it.
Because what I could do
I could wake up
I could buy a better bed in which I sleep sounder
I could sand my floor so that I can walk on smooth ground
And I could get up and have juice which tastes like juice rather than tea which tastes like ****.
But still
I sit here.
And I wait for motivation.
But I fear I only get such motivation when something dies and I feel inspired
Because life lost leads you to believe that you are wasting your life
It puts a spark into a dark place
And I do not want to sit around and wait for something to die before I feel the motivation to change my life.
That isn't how it should be.

Nov 2013 Real4God

black friday

Nov 2013 Real4God

Lyra Brown

black friday

today i learned that your favourite
colour is red.
(i also happened to be wearing it.)
today i learned that everything i’ve ever wanted to happen
will eventually happen,
but not in the ways i imagined they would.
today i learned that i can love you from a distance,
that i can say it with my eyes and maybe you will
hear me.
(or maybe you won’t but
either way i’m going to keep looking at you.)
today i learned that you care about me because
you told me to put on my scarf so that i wouldn't get cold.
today i learned that love is a language all on its own,
full
of laughter and long embraces and jokes and
spur of the moment decisions and unrequited heartache
and other things
i cannot find words for.
today i learned that instead of being a fool for
not being able to control my heart i might in fact
just be human.
today i learned that every solid foundation was once
a battleground.
today i learned that i could one day maybe trust again but
i am still not ready yet.
today i learned that black friday
is now a thing in Canada.
today i don’t feel so afraid.
today my mother let me read her journal from 1988
(when she was the age that i am right now)
and i learned that i am more like her than i ever
thought i was,
i learned that that might be more of a blessing
than a curse.
today i learned how to use my mind as a camera, that it might
be okay to let so many precious moments remain
undeveloped.
today i learned that i cannot force you to be enamoured with me.
today i learned that i might just have to settle on the fact that my inability to express myself with words has no bearing on how nervous i get when i am around you.
today i learned that there is so much love everywhere.
today i learned that everyone is stunning.
today i learned that there is no such thing as having too big
of a heart.

Nov 2013 Real4God

Jungle of Thought - Depression

Nov 2013 Real4God

MonkeyZazu

Jungle of Thought - Depression

I'm lost in the jungle. It's so dense and vast.
Makes me wonder if I'll ever get out.
I keep moving forward, trying to escape.
It's no use though. The darkenss misleads me.
Continuously in circles I wander.

It's so hard to move. The vines engulf me.
Tangled in them I struggle.
If only I had a blade, a machete of some sort.
Something to free me, detach me,
let me flow through this jungle as the river does.

Constricted, alone with my discomfort,
I deal with the vines myself. Embrace them, natural and bare.
It's hard. Feels almost impossible.
But on my own, by myself, of my own will, I sever them.
A subtle gratitude is felt. A sense of accomplishment expereinced.

Glimmers of light sparkle through the canopy. A path emerges.
It was obscured in the shadows of the vines.
On this path the jungle feels so different.
Observing the trees and creatures,
There's a calmness, a peaceful harmony.

The path leads to a peak. At that summit I gaze the treetops.
Shining radience touches everything. Many paths lead to this peak.
Seeing the jungle as it really is, I ponder. A realization is had.
No matter where in the jungle I am, the sun is always shining.
Whether I can see it or not, a pathway out is always there.

Within the jungle I was lost.
Above the jungle I am found.

This poem goes out to anyone experiencing depression. Hopefully you can break free from the mental obstacles(vines) of that mindset and find the way out.