It’s been a difficult week.
Every time I think it’s over, I realize it hasn’t even reached its peak.
But today as I walked to my car
I proudly showed my battle scars
and limped because of the bruise on my foot
because I decided despite what I’ve gone through,
I refuse to watch the world spin while I stay put.
I guess this week has really changed my point of view.

But today I walked to my car
It was raining and cold
and my shoes, they were soggy soled,
my cheeks flushed red
and a pounding pain in my head.
This week I woke up every morning and had to put on war paint
But for the pain I’ve felt, I have no complaint.

This week I’ve had blood on my hands
and I’ve fought tooth and nail
I really don’t think any one understands
what’s its like to keep hope alive while everyone around you ails
This week I was hit in the face
And thrown down to the ground
But I have no problem keeping pace
And I’ll soon be on the rebound.

But today I felt the chill in the air
and I felt worn for wear
and I felt really down
and I felt like I was going to drown
and I felt sorrow deep in my chest
and I felt so incredibly stressed
and I felt pain
But for that pain I felt, I have no complaint.

Because as long as I feel pain in every breath, I will live to fight another day.
Because as long as I live to fight another day, I know that color will eventually replace the grey
Because as long as I feel pain, I will have hope that one day I won’t.
Because as long as I feel pain, I will get to crawl out of this dark cave.
Because the second I don’t feel any pain, the pain will have moved on, onto the person putting flowers on my grave.

Our love was held together by just twine
How could you be the reason I cry?
At the very least I thought you were mine.

And so I believed everything was fine
You were once the muse of my love struck sigh.
Horrid love held together by just twine

You, twisted love, sent shivers down my spine
What was it that caused you to always lie?
Oh how I cluelessly thought you were mine

You strangled me with your sadistic vine.
At times, I wanted to lay down and die.
Dangerous love tied together with twine.  

You blinded me and robbed me of my shine
After all this time, I must ask you: Why?
Was I right to think you were ever mine?

I credited our love as the Gods’ sign
It is my heart that will not say goodbye  
Our love was held together by just twine
At the very least I thought you were mine.

You drive me absolutely crazy.
Not in the good way either.
I don’t understand why you’re so incredibly lazy.

How many times have you caused me to fall?
How many times will I crawl
and get up to my knees
and I feel filled with overwhelming unease,
but I climb back up and hold on tight
because at the end of the day we’ll win this fight.

You’re sharp as pin
You’re so silly I can’t help but grin,
And god you drive me crazy, you make my head spin,
But all you need is a little direction
Though in my eyes you’ll always be close to perfection.

Don’t listen to those fence-sitters that called you mediocre.
I love you, my crazy Smoker.

I locked myself in a wood.
You’d think it wouldn’t hold me, but it could.
I traveled up and down the rows of oak
but I could never get out, I covered my eyes with my own cloak.

I secured myself with heavy chains
and all this time I looked to the outside with blame.
I had the key right there in my hand
I was the one who gave myself the loser brand.

I punched myself in the gut and left myself to bleed
“Everyone stop hurting me!”I did often plead.
A black eye and my hand bruised,
and I couldn’t understand the other’s abuse

I saw everyone as someone who would hurt me
but the truth is, I just didn’t want to see
That the only person who ever did me harm,
A person who never set off alarms,
To them, I could not be nearer
And I stared right into her eyes, whenever I looked in the mirror.

There are some days,
I feel like I’m stumbling through a suffocating haze,
But then I look into your brown eyes
And I feel free from the world’s lies.

There are some times
I feel like I’m paying for someone else’s crimes,
But then I feel the weight of your head on my chest
And I feel like I am at my best.

There are those dreadful hours
When I feel like I have lost all my power,
When I feel like I’m falling from some dreadful height,
But there you are, my glorious shining  knight.

Every time I feel like I’m being pulled under
You are there to save me, my amazing wonder.
I can’t even imagine how you became so fabulous,
But I know that I love you, my amazing Atticus.

I wonder if you have ever looked around
and noticed that it’s all burning to the ground.
I wonder if you noticed yourself light the match
I wonder if you purposely locked the latch
so that we would all burn inside.
I wonder if you even cried.
I wonder if the gasoline stained your clothes

I wonder if maybe you’re in one of your lows.
I wonder if you see that the hug you’re giving
is really your hands around my neck.
I wonder how much longer I’ll be living.

I wonder if you see how much of my life is a wreck
I wonder if you know that you’re to blame,
And I wonder, if you look at your own life and feel the same.