i do know the definition of gradual
and i do know that is the opposite of what we are,
what we were
we fell, thinking
it was all by choice.
love hit like you slamming down your
bedroom door in the midst of your temperamental
breakdown, and heartbreak hit even worse.
there was no choice in this cataclysmic equation,
we couldn't live without each other and that was something
we just had to accept

you strung my heart out
you brought me out to sea, to crush me again
i want out
i think i’m stuck- in a riptide?
yes, a riptide,
i want out
i don’t need a boat for saving
and i don’t need you to help
i want to turn around
i want to see my land
and i want out
i want to swim straight out
of your ******* ocean
before i ever let you tell me again to
‘stay’

trees sing, rejoice
in unoppressive love - A balance,
yet not plain,
i want to dance to your voice
light of morning, ocean of love,
grace of rarity i'd like not to lose
light straight to soul,
mind in moon's flow,
mediocrity in most inevitably leads
my trace of thought to you,
by hand, garden of fragrant & wholesome peace
illuminates the cacophony around me,
the loveless lack of you,
by pale warm sun body bathed
upon intertwining with your mind, radiant mind
    still felt in clouded daytime

this coffee-stained desk knows everything
count back my sins
is new york as afraid to let me go as i am to leave her?
i don't see solace in suburbia,
no i crave her maddening grid
noise never will stop,
dont think it ever did
the symphony that bursts the mind but heals, the speed that tweaks the soul to reveal
on scribbled yellow paper
i want to dance within this frozen may
i'll miss her most in the shards of glass that sing back the worst of yesterday
in everyday
the light, the dark;
the lovers, children in park
we're all the same as we dance on
just different way into One
lilac expansions of this holy bronx sky
stealing breath,
kissing death;
to love is to try

find me the right words right melody,
hidden amongst the lovers who don't know the ending,
don't crave it like i do
morning blue
barely awake, alive to feel the day
the songs of everlasting notes beating to their laid out script in the heart
let symphony play
let it reign
until destruction beckons for the stage,
to feel it's name,
it will crash like your lover's come down
your heart or *******
let it reign

does real love require plan,
when to fall and feel and all
or can we just dance
under this moon that begs me,
this mist that moves me,
descends from mountain sways from skyline
filling every space
as liquid
as ink emboldening some drown up distinction
of love and lust
a shake from my regular cold, just trying to adjust
as if i didn't have to love too late
say the word - and i shall leave,
today,
but today
something about your hands that leaves me tangled in light
kissing same mist of the unspoken
across the stars of this distant night
i want to love you brilliantly,
watch you shine, sing in your arms
risk the feel risk the fall
if love is easy is love worth it at all

i know that when you asked to drive to my house,
i told you to have a good day
and when you said you missed me,
i told you i didn't know what to say
but if only you could see the knots in my stomach
or the explosions in my head
i thought i just didn't love you, but
i forgot i miss you instead

simple touch
sprinkle of dawn across this infinite afternoon
wasting breath and loving it
possession always too soon, not you
i want easy breath on this east coast
kiss the moon, dance to her tune
sing back the strings btwn other lovers in their losses and join in some silly sweet unison
stare into gently smiling eyes the gaze the face i look for, every corner
worn to be reborn
grounding not felt before
bring me back from the clouds in satan's sweet symphony,
don't want to can't lose her now, to this epiphany

she skips thru meadows with halo on head
i smoke cigarettes under skyscrapers
miles and miles
from you,
from your wide smile that fills the day, some light i look for all the while
she, making love convenient
as if supposed to be;
held my tongue, tried not to run
to be vulnerable not all easy
but her presence here and there,
next door vs new york, i don't compare
only wanted to see you dance, see you free,
live your life of anything everything, breathed in ecstasy
as i'd love you all the same
thought this feeling could transcend titles,
myself only to blame
but baby, who was i to claim?
in trying not to push away
we forget to hold on, at all
listening everywhere for your voice, your call
i set up to watch it fall
i'll try to write without burning holes in this saddened black book
cry as paul reminds, love made is love took
as April now falls into May
i'll behold all things left forgotten to say
left sitting as idle as your abandoned admiration for me
only worth what's easy, right baby?
forget about your eyes, the ache
what's some love if not to break?

you thought
he took your place
reality says
he was my distraction
from the toxic things in my life
my bad habits
you are my bad habit
you’re the poison in my veins
that I still cannot drain

i thought you told me i deserved more than my last?
i thought you told me i was too kind to be this broken?
isn't it true, you said you'd mend me?
i never asked to be saved,

(but did you really believe shredding my pieces would repair me?)