Sometimes, when the air gets too cold between my lips,
I bury them into the palms of my hands.
And sometimes when I forget I am not alone,
I begin to let go and let go and let go.
My body begins to echo across the rocky walls of my world.
Bashing and clashing back and forth. A blodied body begging for more, no safe word in this unkept, ruthless condition I have brought upon myself. I lay here on stone, on rocks shaped like shark fins breaking through skin.
I begin to end.

Rest your head, depression.
Wake up with the intention
to live.

If only the neighbor would
step out of isolation
and say hello to the world,
We all might grow a smile.

My feet dance with a movement
that glides on the edges of pearly ocean waves
and once ashore, they begin to tunnel straight into
the cold sands of time.

There is someone who appears uninvited.
I ask this stranger to leave, but my leaves turn to pleads of please  
don't leave me now, dear.  
Fall down, follow me.
We are pebbles being split apart by a child's amusement of
hearing the echos and seeing the ripples at the bottom of a well.
Well, here we are drowning together...oh, she has not let go of you yet.
I drown alone. And you enjoy a life worth living.
This is fair.

What's to become of this
loneliness.
This excess and motionless
feeling of
What's to become of us two
Our thoughts stay static.

I find the best way to hurt
is to inhale this precious air and dunk my head in a bathtub
still filling up.
and I can hear the waterfall
I wish to be under
as my ears go under as well,
as my tears dissipate.

read this slowly
in the intent to feel as though
your big toe stands on top of the highest peak
and attempt to spin
sweeping the air
and you are allowed to smile as wide as the sky above
and you may grasp the blades that make your shoulders
feeling safe,
you might feel alone.

And I walk everyday,
everyday I walk.
Everyday I go, I go to come back home.
One day may I hope to walk further till I reach
contentment.
My hands clasp with myself.
Everyday I sob at the door of this home.
I walk not knowing what I'll find, who
I'll find within
and everyday I leave still keeping
you with me.
I want to walk away from all I think.
I think I must be too weak
to stop.

I have wanted to run away ever since I learned how to jump off a soaring swing and land on my two front feet.
I have
wanted to run away ever since I learned how to seize the night under giant trees.
I have
wanted to run away ever since I learned how to heal heartbreak.
Impossible.
oh please,
I pack my bags underestimating how far my lungs can breathe.

Diseased
soon to be deceased
toxic me
how I failed to belong to you.
Once, I followed the back of your ankles and watched your body walk away from me
though you turned around to hug and kiss the face of
the meek smile that appeared for you.
Lonely travels now
following the empty space that replaces you.

When it's after dark
I see you standing under the streetlamp
something evil we imagined lurked under there.

I see you standing under the streetlamp
but really it's me.
something evil staring into my window,
into my soul.

I see you standing before me
under the light we used to create for each other
something evil is now between us.

he wastes
no time,
finds
no light
in the sun,
quiet tempered,
feels the temperature rise within.
that blazing star holds
no importance,
no longer.

Oh, the love of my life, I have thrown away…

Out of heartbreak and shame,
do I write about the guilt and my single regret?
Do I write about my sorrows and attempt to explain?
Do I cry out our memories, will my heart ever return to your chest?

Oh, the love of my life, has left me…

The cold on my tile floor
Fulfills me
It’s you I implore

For now...

I must love a life without you.

Witness to eyes that don't fall on me -- bury me into Egyptian sand and
let the mirage spin me into oblivion.

I would not wake up to a thousand blue jays chirping into
my window
With their wings flapping and beaks
tapping,
pecking at my last nerve.
I would not wake to the sun screaming
at me,
burning the skin that
portrays me.
If I looked out past the glass, I’d
see the green of the moss tucked between the pavement
It sleeps the way I wish to.
And the garbage trucks,
who shake the floor army ants
march on
Would not wake me to see the new day
And if I opened an eye and didn’t see what there was to live for,
then my window would shatter and
the birds would lift me by their claws and
show me what it’s like to fly
And I would soar over mountain tops, but
only wonder
what it would be like to fall into the forming avalanche below.
As I fall
my head smashes into my pillow
and I would lay there until
pots and pans are struck together,
yet I haven’t heard anyone telling me to wake up.

The earth lays on a turtles back—
flat
and the stars are hung up by invisible string
blending into the background
and the humans act everyday
until
the red of the sun ends the show
and the gods applaud
behind the curtains of blood!

I thought the rumble of elephants
chasing me down a path of unknown
would scare me
I thought the skeletons
creeping out of my closet
would scare me
I thought late night walks home with no
shadow to protect me
would send shivers through me
I thought looking into the future
to find what was next
would scare me
I thought nightmares that surpass
the dream catchers grip
would scare me
Who would have known
love
ran right past and swooped in
giving me nothing
but the constant dread
of losing it

You don't have to explain yourself
Justify yourself
Refine yourself
Talk to the moon if you must
Share your secrets with the stars
You're allowed to say
whatever you may please
And write every word that pops out of your mouth
when you lay on the
comfort of your bed
Who cares!
Not your pen
Not the birds who are heading home
Not the creatures who creep way down deep on the ocean floor
Not the sea shell you hold up to you ear
They're all just listening,
not judging, but accepting
and applauding
Through your journey and theirs

I hung up my body on the
ceilings made of cracks
Grease stains
from the leaking tears
upstairs
Kick back the chair I used to sleep on
Curled up like the cat down the road
I put one hand in my pocket,
one hand on the noose
and choke like pigs who hang
throats slit with the strawberry jelly
dripping
down my mouth
wiping the corners with the tip of a
White napkin, with
White hands
crumpling it like Milk containers
Styrofoam to be thrown in the waste
land of the free
Land of the *****

They boiled my bones in a crock ***
They hung me up by my two back legs
and left me to dry over bloodied graves.

They put me in the fridge for days then slapped me
on a table made for six and they prayed around me,
thanking me for my sacrifice
I never sacrificed anything.

They caught me and watched me
suffocate between rusty lines of rope, slicing my fragile fins
They put me in a fish tank, while huge eyes tapped at my face
and called me cute, though I could barely take a breath.

They stuffed me in a cage full of other sufferers
taking us out one by one,
skinning our coats for their own.

Just profit.
Just a quick bite.

When the sky has molded over in pollution and our shoes get
stuck in the swamps
the Earth will still bless us with forgiveness
fully knowing we did this
We let the tides consume our dissatisfaction
but they still let us swim naked in them
Our rain forests losing family one by one
they have eyes you know
they see you, you know
we're killing our air supply
we use them disgracefully yet they still lay low
covering your head when the rain decides to give the soil a drop of purity
An unrequited love this world is
and the evil it implodes us with, is the anger
it has been waiting to emerge
Can you blame her...
giving us a piece of what years of us not caring tastes like
She, the woman in blue, emerald hair as long as the rivers may flow
tried to show the world magnificent sunsets and
mountain tops peeking out of the clouds and
the ocean as vast as the desert land
and the animals
we must let them be
the intelligence they withhold, the beauty they bellow
yet we do not give gratitude
we do not clean up our messes
we live in our pristine houses
drawing the curtains
She, this Earth, this Woman has brought us life and we have kicked it aside
We have forgotten to love
and it's bigger than you think.

Does the crimson rose grow through my heart now...
Will it crumble on top of my gravestone
Will it lose its pedals after I have breathed upon it
I can't sustain it.
I've chatted with the trees, they've held me. My grandpa did the same. though I will never remember.
I rest my head on the damp moss, as i laid my cheek on his. against my ear.
I only hear the worms moving on by
living the simplest of lives
I must say, I've never been so curious of the other side
Ironically, that's what keeps me going
I'm saving the last piece of chocolate on the shelf for when my heart is to finally bleed

When our glasses clinked by the fire and we smoked ***** cigarettes
like the 1950's
we were real classy
Tapping the ashes
we burnt our problems
Slapping laughter into each other
we forgot about how the mornings would feel
how are hearts felt
I knew we were headed nowhere
stuck in the bottle
so we threw our fine wine into the fire
and walked away.

Where were you, when the tears fled my body?
Does an "I love you" really patch up all you haven't done. Haven't said.
Have said?
When I fall asleep, will you be gone to go walk in shallow waters?
The deep end too complex for you
The fear of drowning, does it scare you?
How will you know how I feel if you —
don't jump in.

dancing in my head
we are masters at living beautifully
creating unity

Fill my lungs up with your love
Cheesy as it is, I love the way your smile pulls and replaces the stars
out of the sky and stabs me in my blue eyes
Yeah love is a ****** mess

You’re the wolf, I the Raven
We play, we chase, and we steal each other’s hearts—
Like shuffling cards, like go fishing for my heart
In a sea of too many geeks, too many freaks, fakes
Baking up cupcakes to lure you in
Fishing you in with the bait

Darling, I may sew my mouth up shut
But I see what should never be hidden
Hear more than I’d like
And I smell the magic tucked under your tongue

I imagine
You and I
Dangling our feet over the cliff of a roaring waterfall
Our thoughts carried off

You won’t always get me, I won’t always get you
But as humans do, we tie ourselves up in silly string
Pulling strings
Pulling our bodies closer

Loving you isn’t hard
But untying what we have is
You're right, I'm left—to be
twisted up like headphones knotting in a pocket
I’ll be wrapped in your arms until the greedy pull us apart

How simple are we
how simple is she
glorifying glowing wrists, soon letting his lips kiss
this is ridiculously tragic
to say the love of one falls with another
she or me
whom will you pick, dear
pick quick
because I'm going fast
this face
this body
this little voice
this mystery has left
this treasure chest has closed on up
but there never really was any gold, no answers were to erupt.
A fraud
you have skipped upon
over me like the placid lake I am

old souls
drenched in white noise

Are we not exciting enough for you?
our brains stuffed with everything science. thoughts
deeper than black holes.

Have we not made life fun enough for you?
because we'd rather travel into an alternate reality
than drink until our minds get blundered over just wanting to have a good time

Take a look. We're old and grey.
Holes create our faces like Swiss cheese.
Nibble at us.
You rats will chew anything up for a good story
And our bones crack and ache.
but you wipe us over with pretty filters
throwing fire at the truth, disguising what should be valued
But hey...we're scared too. We just deal with it differently.

What does it mean to be fake?
To cake on the make-
up
and
down
our eyes nod
judging simply
but step back
Us girls tearing off the hair that should just stay there
lathering up our bodies in vanilla bean lotion
to smell...well, fake.
Deception, Man-ipulation
It's not psychotic, just how we survive
When men stand like brick walls
Hiding insecurities
Fake
so when you picture fake
see beyond the
fake nails
fake hair
fake eyelashes
fake feelings
it's the way we cough out lies pretending to be sick
the food we consume
the cars we value more than her, him, who? Anybody
just somebody say what you are thinking already!
The phones we use to walk through photos of moments
it's all fake
and then you must take the time to ask yourself,
What is real?
The flap of a monarch butterflies wings
the breeze in winter nights
making noses red
and toes numb
the cracks in your fingers
and the creases forming on your face
picture this.

Dusk approaches, leaving only the wings of
loving angels to warm a cold room. To warm
the backs of grieving bodies.
Time—falls into our laps. We created it.
It is in our control.
But fingertips slide past us, too soon.
Too fast.
And the clock in the cold room
ticks with our nervous feet
Tapping faster than a heart, beating—
our minds run in streams of tears,
carving scars into our soft cheeks.
Though we still have not yet learned why it happens,
we learn to accept it
never grasping it
Just awaiting white Christmas days and passionate souls
to whisk us into an abyss of fantasy and
facades
Because in times like these, distractions
are all we need.

We run with flames in our hearts
in our hands
in our voices
in the lands,
We stand on the rocks letting people know that
we are here
that we don't stand for us
that we stand for them
we've—been here
we've—slept here
we've—loved the soil
every inch of its worth—here.
And to think that we'd step off our Rock, now?
For every one of us that They knock down
They exude monsters out of the cracks in Their teeth
laughter roars
money pours
They've created unspeakable wars
Let us be.

Sweet sugar sprinkled on me
i taste the past and chew on the last straw
you and i have sour mouths when we twist our words together
strangle me with the ability you have left
a silenced goodbye
a ghost
placing chocolate chips on dirt trails one by one
follow me—without seeing me.
one by one slide them down your throat
popping pills is easy
but our heads never stopped to breathe
taste the good and the bad times.
there is only time

Let the arms of fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers
circle into swirls of laughter
like whipped cream sitting on top of a child's smile
Grab hold of the grass swaying with the arms of the old woman in a white skirt that sways with her tousled hair
touch your toes and feel summer sun reach with you
dance with dark shadows
watch the moon fall into deep sleep
while stars blink their eyes shut
and the morning dew await to arise

Two hands under my legs, pressed against the seat cushion.
They’re red
like angry faces seeing lies all around them.
I hide what makes me tick inside clenched fists.
Black and blue on your
lips-tick, smeared on the wall from
whispering secrets through drill holes
quivering from rage
at the sight of grinding teeth
ready to bite the truth.

i have watched you grow
under my skin you have left warmth
comforting me for the days when you'd be gone
i have sobbed and let my tears try to bring you back
but things have changed now
i hate this kind of change
you are gone
and the last to go
i cover my mouth
i cant breathe and neither can you
silencing cries
under pillows and under water
my cat searches for you
wondering where you've gone
my dog lays on the last place i saw you awake
and we all sit here
waiting--
my room feels empty
i don't want to be here
the house you slept under
where you ate the leaves of the earth
causes me to crumble
onto my knees down to my feet
i see your paws on the cage bars
and your nose reaching for mine
a friend like you makes me pray for a god
praying for you to come home

She drew her arms out to the crowd
the creatures pulled her in
Simply beauty, make no sound
the forest is seen within

Trees stood high
the yellow birds flew
She stared at the life
and the wild woods grew

he sits
down at the counter
elbows rested on the table and his nails dig into his cheek bones
a woman dressed in black, places herself on the stool next to him
they stare into the coffee mugs put under their noses
he sips the last bit
while she has just started
as he sets the check down and stands up to leave
she grabs him by the arm
and begins to cry
"don't leave"
she pleads
and he takes back his seat
puts his lengthy arms around her
says "it will get better"
without even knowing what's wrong
he's not who she wanted
but she takes the repeating words to heart
stares back down into her cup
and sees every memory
of the one she missed

you've lost your grip on the cliffs dangling over the earth
you've counted all the stars so now there's nothing left
you've let your love for adventure grab you by the ankles
and pull you under the waters you loved to swim in even when it was pouring down rain and your fingers froze off
come back to the world of small talk and repeating days
you'll be safe while you are young and fly away when you have grown
until then your shoes must stay on

you'd think she'd know by now
maybe him too
the differences scratching at the end of they're tongues
we're bound to jump out when the silence creeps in


boys and girls
fit together perfectly
until the puzzle pieces go missing
through the vents of another ones heart
I tried
we didn't
he knew a bouquet of flowers
could never, would never
sow up a love that soon might tear apart

one after one
the pedals
she'd pluck
like she pulled out her hair
...fell

does he love me?
does he love me not?
she pulled the flowers off
"forget me nots"
but he forgot her

Poor little girl
drenched in the rain
watching him
now a stranger
a warm body to another

What you call home, I call temporary. Packing away the gifts I was given from a lying child. Box after box a memory is put in. I open the doors to the place I will now call mine, for now. I climb the stairs to the place I will sleep in safely. I put my things on the carpet floors and wait till the sun goes down. Just the moon shines outside my new window. My new glass eyes. I see the world different, for now. I strip away the tape and the cardboard separates. Every memory and time spent from the past, is free. You follow me. To a new house that is temporary. No matter how far I get, you will be under the sheets. Your figure stuck to the side of my brain, for now. Forever.

they seem to find ways to claw through my skin
when i'm tired enough already giving advice to myself...
how can I give my words to you too?
when my mind drowns in chaos
i fill the water in bottles and my feelings fall in with it
the thought of someone holding your hand every step of the day
sitting on park benches just to be with you
slipping off your shoes when you're too drunk to function
kissing your forehead when it's time to fall asleep
and pouring your heart out into their ears
finding people who are truly there for you
are hard to find when you only have time to be there for yourself

are the lines on your wrists still glowing into the faces of the children who will never understand?
curious
they wonder
and know
you are weak

when the lights turn off in your bedroom
and the covers wrap themselves over your shoulders
around your back
you are safe, but lonely
so you drift to sleep
the lights turn on
and the groans that come from your mouth are sickening
you look sick
you sleep soundly
but the bags under your eyes get larger
packed full of regrets and things you wish you had said
truthfully, every walking animal that roams this rotten earth
is timing their clocks till their remaining days
a death that sneaks up on you without killing you
but it will squeeze your lungs
and slide it's claws through your heart
soon enough your eyes are open
your mind is awake
and people still make you angry
so much that a knife at the sides of your stomach will not fix it
and when you try to pull your finger nails off just to stop biting them
it isn't enough
no pain can reach the immensity of hate
the ghost of vengeance leads me out the gates of hell
and my hidden horns slice the necks of the ones who never took the time to stop their clocks and listen
nobody listens
to the ocean waves coming from the shells in my hair
or the cries coming from the breaking skin we call our own
or the way the cars go by without stopping to take a look outside
at the strangers walking through white snow, catching the bus just to get to a place they call home
listen to the shards and angry scissors that clamp to the fingers of little boys and girls
and the way we eat
hear the chewing of meat from the pigs that screamed
and the minds of the ones who stay quiet
f
  a
     l  
       l  
         i  
           n
              g

into a deep despair
I hide under blanket after blanket
concealing the light
now I wait
for the day
to shut off

The world is ending
You said “close your eyes“
I shut them
I saw the reflection of the burning sun in your pupils
It was the end
The fire crashed over us and we melted into each other’s hearts
...I woke up a little girl again
And my small hands touched the grass that we laid on in our Indian summer days
You said I had the most prettiest eyes
Frankly that just wasn't enough for you
I plucked the grass from the dirt
and you helped me make flower bracelets for the both of us
That was then
blown to bits by the multiplying thoughts of breaking us apart
but little one there are many steps you'll have to take
before you step on the shoes of another traveler
so I keep walking against the fire
and you walk back into the field of flames

Oh yes, i have left
a stain on my shirt
it's the blood from my heart
i must say
i didn't plan it this way
i tried to wash it away
but the red still drips through my clothes
and my fingers catch the drops
slipping them into my mouth
one
by
one
i mend my heart
with each fall my palms collects

If you stay on the bus long enough, you almost give yourself enough time to think
With each passing car and each passenger who scurries on by your seat
with all the distractions it's hard to think, but easy to write
look at the way he carry's himself brave and selfless
she doesn't speak a word as he offers her a seat
Thank you to the man with dark skin who dares to be kind.
And the lady with the loud jacket and a hat from 1950
she stares at her phone just like everyone else
we all sit here with earbuds in and headphones on
phones in our laps sitting next to the snoring homeless man
and I will be the only one writing
the only one listening
people are strange
some of us are sticks stuffed into marshmallows
or we are just twigs
one hour later as I arrive to my destination
we get off and the others crowd on
and I walk away with a new mind each time my body steps off the bus