furies: Favorites

May 2014 furies

Lover of the light

It's there just beyond my fingertips
Something so much better than this pain
Seeping through my pores
to pool on cold tile that sings of sterilization
A bottle that lies nearly empty
telling a story of a soul that is nearly done
with shinning
how can a heart that's broken beat
how can we really tell if something is alive
or just pretending to be
if a smile is sincere
or just a lovely way to say I'm sorry
for what I am
I've heard apologizes too many times to start handing them out
instead I'll just quietly scream my resignation
and sink beneath the surface of myself

can anyone really save another person I believe we are all stuck
in our own personal hells
waiting for someone to tell us
that it's ok to cry
to be weak for a second
in a world that destroys anything
as beautiful as a warped soul
so I'll bleed out my beliefs
until I run dry
waiting for my someone
who's not coming

I hope you find your someone who makes you want to save yourself

May 2014 furies

Sweet Suicide

May 2014 furies

Jo de Guzman

Sweet Suicide

try not to fall in love too easily.
              love is just a sweet suicide.
          it will always end up with death.
     it might be because either of you died.
or it’s just one of you have their feelings dead.

#love #suicide

May 2014 furies

Reconciliation

May 2014 furies

AJ

Reconciliation

Confession time,
Where's my priest?
When I was little I had it all planned out.
"In the name of the father and of the son and of the holy spirit, Amen.
It has been six months since my last confession and these are my sins."
I fought with my family.
I swore.
And I lied.
That is what I said for seven years.
I loved to throw a wrench in the machine.
When I was fourteen I added in a little tid bit to my routine.
"I am gay".
It was the longest pause I had ever heard.
And then it went completely ignored.
How rude of me to try and provoke you, father.

May 2014 furies

Lying Techniques

May 2014 furies

AJ

Lying Techniques

Get away from me,
My evil twin is just around the corner.
You see,
She's very protective.
You need to leave,
She is not going to be merciful.
You see,
She wasn't born this defective.
A boy she thought was man
Told her she had a pretty face,
And she lost her footing on this cliff,
Trying to kiss the space bellow his eye and above his cheek.

"Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face
The kind you'd find on someone I could save"

May 2014 furies

Lody

May 2014 furies

AJ

Lody

Children pinch there skin
And think that they are looking
At the dinner they finished six minutes ago.
And they hate themselves.
They hate there bodies for needing food.
They hate their parent's for feeding them.
They hate themselves
For their cute pink pinch able cheeks, and full bellies.
They hate everyone who's ever said
"Someone must have been hungry."

And they never grow out of it.

They skip more than just dessert,
They cut more than construction paper,
They ingest more pills than food.
They hate it. They hate it. They hate everything.
THEY HATE IT.
THEY HATE IT.
THEY HATE EVERYTHING.
They hate themselves.

You can't just come back from something like that.
They'll leave home one day,
And with no one telling them to eat,
They won't.
With no one to watch them,
They'll bleed dry.

You can't just come back from something like that.

May 2014 furies

I did it, I did it.

May 2014 furies

AJ

I did it, I did it.

I'm writing this only because I know you won't see it.
Because I let him touch me this time.
And this time I wasn't drunk.
And this time he didn't drug me.
This time he hit me instead.
Luckily I tripped on my way out the door
Just a few days later.
And I was able to chuck the bruises and blood
Up to that incident.

This time I got pregnant.
And this time I couldn't tell anyone.
And I couldn't tell you,
Because of us losing the last baby.
And now this one didn't even belong to you.
It didn't feel like it belonged to me either.
It just felt like his.
Like he robbed a bank
And used my insides as his hiding place.

I got rid of it.
Sam drove me.
It wasn't legal,
But I wasn't hurt.
It wasn't a smart decision,
I was very drunk.
I don't regret it.

I scrub my skin for an hour in the shower,
Every day.
But I couldn't scrub the insides.

I took eleven tests to be sure.
Never have I ever seen so many double lines.

It's been a few months.
This time I've just moved on.
The best way to forget is to never tell a soul.

May 2014 furies

Garden

May 2014 furies

AJ

Garden

When I first met you,
You has this smile on your face.
And I swear to god
I couldn't make this up if I tried,
But if you looked at the ground
The way you looked at me,
I promise you
At least four dozen flowers
Would have sprouted right up from the ground.
You were that magical.

But three months in,
And a bottle and a half of *****,
You hit me so hard,
That you left bite marks in my mind,
And scars on my heart composed of your fingerprints.

All the flowers have died.