A relapse is not a pretty thing.

As I finally pick up pen and paper
or at least set my fingers fluttering over the keys again,
I have no victory to report.

Medicine has saturated my mind and whisked so much away
acid dissolving the Munich, the Skin Man, the Stalker, and Others...
But as is often the case
when I cast off one
I fall to another

My nights
I sleep well
because I've spent the day pacing, sobbing, wringing my hands
back to where I was before the fear set in
back to where I've always been.

A relapse is
that one drop of cold water
that hits between your shoulder blades
while you take a hot shower
a constant reminder
of the the guilty thing you were

A tiny, tiny vine
snakes across my shoulder
where all of my t shirts and tank tops cover
but even I can see

You were told this was perfection.
But isn't it ironic
How that man did not create the universe in seven days,
And you were not born without original sin?
And after that night in the basement
You are definitely no ******.
An attempt at a shotgun wedding
Ends up with a shotgun in your daddy's hand,
A lot of tears,
A few screaming last words,
And the secession from the union.
If I'm being over dramatic you may tell me to stop.
You got an old apartment
Where the thermostat doesn't control anything.
You're crying over the stretch marks,
And he's telling you it's just a permanent reminder
That she was once inside you,
And you guys were one person.
He is giving you a false sense of hope.
He leaves three weeks after Amelia is born,
He runs away with the waitress down at the diner.
She's pregnant too.
It's a boy.
You raise her to the best of your ability,
She is mentally *******.
You do not have the money to take care of her
The way she needs to be taken care of.
You start doing heroine,
You did ******* before you were pregnant.
You end up hitting Amelia every day,
She is only seven.
Your landlord hears you
Screaming at her
When he comes to collect the rent on a saturday morning.
Amelia is taken away.
You are now in the corner.
You're not even crying,
You have drank yourself into a coma.
Congratulations.
You are not waking up.
It's ironic because your ******* name is Mary.
******* it.