I’m the kind of person who will stand up to you if you get in my face.
it has taken me years to get to this point
on a platform where I can voice my opinions freely
I’m careful with my words
though so not
if you cross me,
I will let you know
I’m the kind of person who can run a mile with blood on her knees, ignoring the sting
I’ll get to where I’m going
I will fall a million times and get up every single time
blood has got nothing on me
it’s not a race to the finish line, you know
I’m the kind of person who has double edged sword of sass and snark hidden in a sheath you can’t see
I’m pleasant and kind, always smiling
don’t let this aura deceive you
I can fight a battle with my words, always make it sound like I’m winning
I know when to back down
gracefully
when I lose, I’ll say so
take my pride and leave
I’m the kind of person who will fight for you
I’m a kind person for me.

i wanted to write a poem that would make me feel something
alleviate this pressure like a tourniquet,
Words, be bandages to my ****** wounds!
i pounded out poem after poem spilling heartache on the pages
i wanted to write something that would silence the monsters laughing at me inside my head
frida kahlo is known for saying
i don't paint dreams or nightmares
i paint my own reality
i write my dreams and nightmares

into my own reality
i write my monsters to sleep with sweet lullabies
i write my life into my feelings
and my feelings into my life
i wanted to create something that would stand on it's head
to make people awe and wonder
how is that girl surviving
with all those monsters hanging onto her?
i write to give my friends a voice
and find mine in the process
-z.z

What happened a week ago
I’m still recovering
Some have told me I’m in mourning
when you lose something that was a part of you for so long
I feel like I’ve lost a limb or
a big chunk of my heart
what happened a week ago
friendships severed, felt like an amputation without the anesthesia
sawing and gnawing
whittle by whittle
the pain, never less than searing
what happened a week ago
I feel the phantom limb
I think it’s still there
I go to my inbox, check the chats, click one and
BOOM
shouting matches and f-bombs being dropped like the a-bomb on Hiroshima
my words, arrows dipped in poison
I flung everything I had
poured my chopped up heart onto a silver platter and let the blood drip drop for all to see
what happened a week ago
I said some things I shouldn’t have
I let my heart speak instead of my head
letting my anger and red flurries get the best of me
what happened a week ago
is an awful lot like what happened 11 years ago
I’m six years old
piecing together a puzzle of forgiveness
walking back to my room after a yelling match with my sister
I scribble I’m so sorry I got mad at you on the back of my homework
slide it under her door
and wait

When you first found me
I was floundering
about to dive into the deepest waters I’d ever seen
I can’t swim very well
you threw me a life preserver, breathed purpose into my ashen lungs
I stumbled and fell you picked me back up
for a while, I was okay
I learned how to swim and I’ll even go as far to say I liked being in the water
but then the storms came and my arms were still too weak
I’m sinking
when people hurt me
I lash out
you do not get to treat me that way
an eye for an eye is what my brother used to say
I’m proud and loyal
you crossed me
I know life was never ******* fair
which is why I’m leaving
you do not get to hurt me anymore
I’ve been poisoned by your words they still sting
you started painting over your picture
little by little you became
just another unrecognizable face
thank you for the life lessons
I know who I am and who not to become
my head held high
trying not to cry
this is my goodbye

-z.z

i'm slipping in and out of consciousness
every breath gets harder and you are
sitting on the edge of my bed
watching me with tired eyes
in between my fluttering
heartbeats i see you
too i'm so
sorry
-z.z

i wish i knew how to turn this rage into passion
maybe then i'd stop being so destructive
i'm a ticking time bomb and a ******* ant
i'm the toddler crying for no reason i don't know what i want
do you realise how long it's taken me to look like i have my life in order i don't i never have
i'm one drop away from a hurricane destructive enough to shake up Red Cross
i'm dancing on the edge of a cliff
i'm speeding down a mountain road no barriers between me and an abyss of rocks and cacti
basically
the thing is though, i don't know how
i won't know how
i'm not 17
i'm simultaneously the
annoying three year old who can't stop asking why
and the 20something wondering if it was really worth it
one of these days i'll know the answers to the questions
i'm looking forward to that day
i hope it arrives before i have the chance to leave
-z.z

i'm caught in between
like a hamster running on a squeaky wheel
i'm not sure where i'm going
or if i'm even going anywhere
i want to go somewhere
but i don't know why
but i don't know where
but i don't know how to get off of this
****** wheel
i'm swallowing my excuses and they're making me choke
i'm in between layers and shades of colour too dark to be called
colour
i'm in between wanting and needing
speaking and whispering
living and dying
running and standing
breathing and
-
-z.z