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she call me last night
she said she miss me
wanted to see me for the last time
i asked her
"are you leaving me"
she was silent

that night we talked for hours
we lost track of time
school was hell as usual for her
she'd never been a popular girl
an introvert who preferred to date books rather than to date guys
i was her only exception
  she said her brother had always been a nuisance
she loved him nevertheless though
her mom brought her a new dress
and her dad was planning to buy her a car
it was a pretty banal conversation
one that i could never in my wildest dream thought it was our last one
i was staring at her face
through the dark dimmed display
i can see her eyes
flickering brilliantly
she was happy
but i couldn't  decipher what
Was the cause of her sudden
euphoria

"i'm gonna leave you soon"
"are you breaking up with me"
"no"
"then why"

she backed off from the screen
and came back with a gun
1 2 3 she pulled the trigger
it went straight to her head
i could see blood
splattered
creating an abstract visual
on her white-washed wall
she slumped in front of her computer
the skype session ended

-disconnect-
 Aug 2013 Rachel Duggan
fragile
Her
 Aug 2013 Rachel Duggan
fragile
Her
everywhere I look
She's
there- in your notebooks that lay on the floor,
and
the wall that used to have my paper full of rambles,
also used to have things with
Her
on it.

everywhere I go,
She's
there- in my dreams (they always consist
of you leaving me for
Her
and you not even caring about my feelings).
on the internet all I see are poems
and in those poems
i wonder if they make you think of me
like they make me think of you
or if they make you think of
Her
like I know they did once before.

While i'm trying to run away from
Her
I wonder how you do it.
Then I realize, you probably don't.

She's
probably still haunting your dreams
just like mine.
and
She's
probably in all those poems
and on all those pages.

I just hope that
maybe i'm there too.
She's alive
But hardly living
Because her painful thoughts slow her down
As everything seems to carry on around her
Passing her by, speeding her up
Beyond her comfort zone
Because the words don't come
The feelings don't form
The thought races won't stop
And the monsters never die.

But **** is she
Alive.
Her inner life glows
A light so pure and rare
It's easy to recognize
But hard to find.
There's a symphony no one is attuned to hear
A work of art she's longing for someone to appreciate
And it's lonely
It's ******* lonely feeling like everyone's light is recognized
Everyone's is shining so bright
That hers is overshadowed and insulted.
She's alive
But it's killing her.

— The End —