It’s that time of the year
When commercials appear
to implore us to buy this or that.

For the shopkeepers fear
that without Christmas cheer
They will never get into the black!

Some Fraud in a red suit,
Quite obese and hirsute,
will be called on to hawk toys to tots.

Johnny Mathis and Bing,
Ad nauseum, will sing
old chestnuts of holidays past.

So we wish you Merry Christmas
Now that Halloween has past.
Here’s hoping, too, perhaps that you
might spend as you did in the past.

Let the registers ring
It’s a wonderful thing
To see all the rich spend their cash.

you left.
and apparently that left me with more problems than I'd like to admit.
you left.
and my walls are so high that sometimes I don't even know what is happening in my own mind.
you left.
and now I'm terrified. I'm scared. but mostly, I'm sccared.
you left.
and I can't let anyone in. I can't believe anyone would even waste their time having a conversation with me.
you left.
and now everything anyone tells me is a lie.
you left.
and I don't think I will ever be able to fully trust another male again.
you left.
and I wish you didn't take my trust with you. because there are some people that deserve my trust so much more than you do.
you left.
and now I believe everyone else will, too.

you never let me win
with you it's always
a fight
and apparently i'm never
right
you can't just let things go
and i suppose i'm just as bad
i push you trying to win
trying to have my way
for a moment
we're both acting like kids
but you never just say
drop it
you have to be right
even when you're wrong
and don't get me wrong
i love you to death
but arguing with you
is leaving me out of breath
can you just not for once?
can you just let it be
because i wouldn't argue
if you didn't ALWAYS disagree
and sometimes i don't tell you things
because you're like this
and how could i tell you it'll end up in fists
and i know i'm bad at it
and i haven't confronted you
but i don't want to make you mad
but it's gotten really bad
to the point where i like time away from you
better than time with you
are you mad because i'm leaving
i won't be too far
i just need room for breathing
need room for change
and staying here would be the definition of insane
doing the same thing
everyday
expecting things to somehow change
and i don't think you understand my need
maybe you have it too
but my soul is starving
i'm not trying to leave you behind
i'm just running on a new path trying to find
who i am supposed to be
and there's still time
to catch up to me
things won't be as bad as they seem
i just wish that you could see

Once I spoke the language of the flowers,
Once I understood each word the caterpillar said,
Once I smiled in secret at the gossip of the starlings,
And shared a conversation with the housefly
in my bed.
Once I heard and answered all the questions
of the crickets,
And joined the crying of each falling dying
flake of snow,
Once I spoke the language of the flowers. . . .
How did it go?
How did it go?

I have failed
Yet again
Although this probably isn't a surprise
Another thin red line up my thigh
Each one having less of an importance to me

A scream or cry to be happy
Why me? I ask
To anyone who listens
But I don't want an answer
I don't want your sympathy

I can't let you care
You have problems of your own
Taking up my problems too,
Well that would just be too heavy of a load

For someone who is struggling with them self,
How can they love anybody else?
My hate within is only for me
I'm the only one who deserves to be unhappy.

Anxiety is like a spouse you'll always be stuck with, for better or worse, who drives you crazy but you cannot live without. It lives with you throughout the day and night, holds your hand, nudges you to act, urges you to get up, to do more, to fix something or even make something. It pushes you to the edge, then holds you back right before you fall. It wants you to win, outshine the others, to impress and astonish everyone around you. And just like any marriage, you go with the flow, agree, and nod with a smile. Then one day, it has you by the throat and you find yourself losing it and losing yourself along. And just like friend you can rely on, Xanax is there, offering you an intermission, the gift of quietude, a break. Because the truth is, and I’ll speak for myself here. I want tranquillity once in a while, but I don’t want a tranquil life.