I know thats my face
Those are my hands
They move when I move
Her eyes blink when I feel mine shut
I know that is my body, bird like and thin
That is my nose that hooks at the end
Those are my clothes I remember putting on before bed
My eyes are darkening and the walls are starting to cave in
Breathing is harder, worse than smoking a cigarette
My body is numb
I cant tell if this is reality
I hear my voice saying
Come back
Im escaping, leaving, running away from all the fears I am forced to face
I feel my knees grow weak
And my body sinks
To the floor and my cheeks grow wet
With makeup covered tears
I don't remember wanting to cry
Reality is no more
A dream is all I can see
With dandelions
And trees
With bare feet
And a cool breeze
The floor becomes softer and all I do is sink
Like a dead weight in the sea
An anchor tied around my ankles
Letting ocean water drown my sorrows
But this cant be true
Im standing in the bathroom
With wet cheeks
Trembling hands
And clothes I put on before bed

Maybe its the way your lips curl into a smile that reach your eyes when I say your name. It could be the way your laugh comes deep from your stomach, or the way your hair twists into my fingers. The way your hands fits perfectly in mine, completely intertwined. Maybe its the way you kiss me, where the kiss is so hard and emotional you can't seem to get enough. It could be the way your hand caresses my face, or the way you cradle my body where we are almost one. Maybe its the way you giggle when I touch you there, that pure smile of excitement.

I don't know how you did it, but I can't get your face out of my head.

I'm afraid of not being enough
Of laughing to loudly at corny jokes
Of reeking to much of the cigarettes I smoke

I'm afraid of not smiling as much
Of crying and black tears staining your sheets
Of giving you everything

I'm afraid of a broken heart
Of never being able to put back the pieces
Of lying helpless on your chest unable to speak cause my lungs have finally collapsed

I'm afraid of that spark I feel when your lips are on mine
Of that sudden electricity running through my spine
Of all the butterflies in my stomach turning to spiders

I'm afraid of loving you
But I'm tired of being afraid

You held me as i cried
Telling me dont worry baby,
Its gonna be alright

As the tears strolled down my face
And my legs continued to shake
You laid your palm on my heart

Feeling its rapid beating
You kissed my lips
A soft taste of magic

With eyes full of hurt
You looked at me and said
Baby, I'm not going anywhere

And then I knew, you weren't the
Demon in my head
You were the soft lullaby my
Mother sang to me as a kid

You were the butterflies
In the wind
You are the flowers that never die

You are the sun that continues to shine

Soulful skies
Painful cries
All that surrounds me is your deep brown eyes

Skin to skin
Paper and pen
All i can do is kiss you again

Black hearts
Painted red
All the beautiful things scream in my head

Dandelions and roses
Pulled through your brown hair
All i can do is stare

Dont let go
Im deathly afraid to swim alone
All i want is to hold you close

Heavy breathing
Against my hearts rapid beating
All i need is your love to shelter me

Caring eyes
With promising lies
All i can see is clear blue skies

Sunsets and sunrise
We watch the sun as it dies
All i need is you and your soulful deep brown eyes

I never gave you an answer on why you should stay,
I just gave you questions that made you walk away
Its hard find a new road to travel down,
When all these roads lead to the same place
The home of where i last saw your pretty face
You could say i miss you, but that might be a lie
This medication makes memories fuzzy
And sometimes i cant even remember you name
People say you had me at hello
But im starting to think i only loved you when you said goodbye
When you weren't mine the world crumbled ontop of me,
Left me suffocating
Sometimes i think i hate you and every memory you put in my head turned to dust the day you left
But people change and when i think of you, your face isn't your face, and your somebody new
You gave me a candle for my birthday,
That i used to burn everyday
It was wrapped in glass that made the candle last.
After we said our goodbyes
I drove for hours with the candle in my passenger seat, staring at it between the headlights shining through my window.
After crossing a bridge with mountians reaching the clouds I threw it.
With all my might, and in the faint distance i heard a shatter
But maybe that was just my heart.
You have me a package with your handwriting on it, you told me not to laugh at your chicken scratch.
I tore it to shreads and left it to the flames.
Watching it burn.

I can see the clouds start to fade
And the roaring wind is dying down
The demons in my head have crawled back into thier holes
The darkness that cover my room now shines with a dull light
My lungs dont feel like thier drowning anymore
The cigarettes still burn, but its not the burning ache i felt before. Its just a relief
The weight on my chest that was a boulder now only seems to be a pebble
I can hear the birds singing now instead of crying
The world is changing