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 Dec 2013 Queen Bee
SE Reimer
Days turn to weeks,
and months into years;
Our calendar filled,
With days that bring tears.

No longer with cheer,
There’s a birthday we keep;
A life sown in hardship,
Is now reaping grief.

His anniversary of leaving,
A dark smear on that day;
Its nothing to celebrate,
But it won't wash away.

Those days that we’re honored,
As his mother and father;
Special cards that he made us,
We receive them no longer.

A day for memorials,
Then picnics and parades,
The summer he loved,
A special hike on Labor Day.

The season to give thanks,
Forces us to remember,
All the years that we did have,
All those happy Novembers.

Finally Christmas comes round,
Full of time spent together;
All our family traditions,
Where he's missed more than ever.

Each day a reminder,
Every memory so dear,
Yet silence speaks loudly,
When laughter disappears.

Then it's time to repeat,
Time to turn a new page,
Time for new resolutions,
Time to hope for some change.

Maybe this is the year,
That the calendar’s our friend,
When peace is returned,
And we look forward again.
Post script.

this was written in late December 2012, just a year ago as part of my struggle to come to terms with life’s curves.  i post this tonight, not so much for me, though my struggle is hardly over...  this is more for a dear soul; an HP friend who like me, is still struggling with loss.  some days are just harder than others; then there are whole seasons that will never again be the same.  tonight, i raise a glass of Merlot for her, not in toast, but in wishing her comfort, peace and rest!
 Dec 2013 Queen Bee
SE Reimer
"We can't stay here"
he says...
as tears trickle slowly
down her face.
Unable to hold them back,
she can only nod,
all the while thinking...
"I can't leave;
leaving feels
too much like
forgetting."
Post script.

last evening's conversation with my wife...
she asks no pity,
but almost five years later she grieves...
deeply... daily...
a dearest son who never said goodbye...
the melancholy of the season
gripping her in its anguished, icy hold.
 Dec 2013 Queen Bee
JDG
Three days ago,
we were together.
It was the most beautiful day of my life.
We got high.
We laughed in the shower.
We made love, twice.
We watched movies.
I held you, and you held me.
But, a strange feeling in my heart
coupled with a sickness in my stomach
told me you were only there
to share one last day with me
because you'd be leaving soon.
Now, today, you're gone.
 Dec 2013 Queen Bee
JDG
Resolution
 Dec 2013 Queen Bee
JDG
There's nothing left for me
in this town.
Nothing to left to do
but drown
in hopelessness
and thoughts of you.

I know what I have to do.
Lost in the haze of fog and regret
High up on cloud nine, I recline
Smoke drifts slowly up from my hands as I
Desperately seek an escape from this world, where
Emotions are liars who can not be trusted
and convictions are flimsy
Cast away in a single heartbeat
writer's block is evil
Maybe if we smile
We can forget for a while
Then our pain will seem no more
And together we can walk to the shore
Because, you see, you were drowning
On the verge of death, willing
To let it all consume you
Yet, love was all you had to do
Do you love me?
Or are you just confused?
For it seems you have forgotten
That I will not be used
We weren't meant to be like this
So alone and broken
If you had let me save you
I wouldn't have spoken
I said hurtful words
You know I didn't mean it
I didn't want you to hurt
But can't you see?
This is killing me
No, I can't breathe
And I won't fall asleep
Because the blame's on me
Maybe if we smile
We can forget for a while
Then our pain will seem no more
And together we can walk to the shore
Because, you see, we were swimming
Trying our best to stay alive
Though I could tell you were willing
To let yourself die...
 Dec 2013 Queen Bee
Damaged
Have you even gotten to your room at night and just start crying?
Not necessarily because you're sad,
But more because you're worn out and tired.

Tired of the drama.
The lies.
The day to day *******.
One tear turns to two then three then four.
Before you know it you find yourself clenching a pillow to your chest begging
PLEASE


no more


But the voices in your head they don't listen.
They keep spilling out words and attacking
And kicking
And screaming.

forcing themselves to be heard


And my heart,
Oh my weary heart.
It begins to pound deep in my chest.

PLEASE GOD MAKE THEM GO AWAY. I NEED SOME REST

But the do not seize, they just keep attacking as they please.  
So I find myself rocking on the floor.
Head clamped between my hands.
maybe if I cover my ears they'll leave
But who am I kidding.
I can't hide.
I can't sleep.
I can't get away from the monster inside of me.
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