the room all of a sudden feels smaller and colder and completely empty without his aura filling up every last square inch of it. i wish he could forever be in my arms, in my bed under my covers, in my room, in my house. but sadly he cannot be; he has his own bed and his own covers, in his own room in his own house.
although when we are together we are electric. when he touches me i feel it buzz on my skin, and when he stares into my eyes i feel it bouncing around my insides. and when we laugh harmoniously, its as if you could almost hear the electric currents rushing around in our atmosphere.
the smell of his skin has found its way into my sheets; i take in deep breath after deep breath, reminiscing the moments he spent laying here with me, radiating his warmth that comforted me more than any blanket ever could. the taste of his kiss still lingers on my lips, fading away as each minute comes and goes. the room seems so quiet, even though the only absent sounds are his rhythmic breaths and heartbeat.
i can almost still feel his touch on my back, stomach, thighs; as if he had left invisible prints everywhere his hands came in contact with my body. these hand prints are like a souvenir from my day with him; along with all the vampire kisses he has created on me, in places where only he and i can ever lay eyes on them.  
when i am around him, i feel completely, utterly, unapologetically, myself. i don’t have to hide anything from him; i can giggle, i can cry, i can be angry, passionate, selfish, annoying, euphoric, childish, regretful, devious, you name it; he will still love me, in all of my forms.
but after he has gone,  i feel almost lifeless again. my bedroom just seems like the old familiar place i have known since childhood; contrasting with how this room transforms when he is inside of it. so i sit for a moment, observing the negative space he once took up; wishing his bones and heart and eyes and everything that make up his flawless existence could infinity lie in the empty space all around me.

the stars are incredible tonight and i’m lying here in pain for god knows what reason and i wish you were here because you are the only one who can calm me down and excite me at the same time and i hurt inside but i don’t know why but maybe its because the voices in my head are telling my insides to hurt like that but what do i know i’m just a teenage girl who probably won’t amount to anything because i am lazy and selfish and untalented and not so bright when it comes to school and stuff you know? i am really smart sometimes when it comes to people and their problems but what about my problems? do i have any or are they an illusion created by all the “whats wrong” ‘s and the “are you okay” ‘s and i want to say yes don’t worry but i cant with a straight face a lot of the time so i yell and i cry and i sing, all alone where no one can see or hear me, so i can maintain my angelic facade. i’m the one who helps, not the one who needs help but i do sometimes because i crack and tear and implode sometimes but no one sees it, because i say i’m just fine.

beneath the stars
above the lights
wondering where
you are tonight.
wondering what song
your heart is singing
perhaps i know the tune.
wondering if
curiosity is dancing
around your head
as it is in mine.