Brightly colored corridors
decorated with a child's
imagination
The hopes of animation
upon tiny weeping faces
So many places
they could be
so many things to see
if only they were free 
from this place
But they are here 
A Children's Hospital
for kids that are ill
feeding from pill to pill
Tiny bodies everyday 
fighting wars with tears
killing and creating new fears 
dreams chopped short 
with silent shears 
Orders and disorders
cancers and disease 
brightly colored corridors
hoping to deceive
the raging wars within
So much stronger they are
then me 
This was where I've been 
Humbling and crumbling 
watching them stumbling 
and feeling myself 
falling to the ground
moments so very profound 
realizing how truly blessed I am ...


© Priya Oct 4, 2015

What did you do

With laughter in your eyes
And a softness in your heart
What did you do to me?

Your need so strong
Your touch so sensual
Your yearning intense
Your eyes so gentle
What did you do to me?

You entrapped me with your smile
Made me a slave to your touch
Tell me, what did you do to me?

Another day has come and gone;
a Tuesday forlorn
The sunlight hid behind clouds of grey
Raindrops sprinkled throughout the day
Another gloomy day for sure
Until I felt a whisper soft
against my shoulders wide
I snuggled within my mothers cardigan
and could feel her by my side
Her arms warm across my waist
A whispers kiss against my face
I could feel her by my side
Raindrops sprinkled still
throughout the day
and the sunlight hid
behind clouds of grey
but I felt her whisper soft
and I truly felt her by my side
I love you mom

You were my moment of weakness
unsuspecting, unknowingly
relentless with your charm
triggering my hearts alarm
Years of building walls
hours spent reminding myself
that the doors to love have closed
then you come along
and suddenly I'm exposed
Opening doors
knocking down walls
falling in love beneath waterfalls
just as we were drowning
in hurt and pain
love comes knocking again
You were my moment of weakness
and now my life is just moments
beneath waterfalls
falling in love all over again

Good morning, I breath out
to the early morning air
a brewing wind
weaving through my hair
kissing the lids
to eyes of hope
A new day is here

An emptiness blankets me
Like a cloak of darkness
Descending upon light
The silence is deafening
I hear echoes of your voice
Your laughter, ringing in my ears
When I am without you
With you I am lost in the clouds
You, my angel smiling down on me
I want to be lost with you
Come find me again so that we can get
Lost in the clouds together.

I am walking again
on two feet weak,
even words are hard to speak
and so I write
I am wobbly at best
The strength of me
is being put to test
and I can feel myself
f a l l I n g

Carry me

Hold me up against
these winds of hell
Help me out of this
crumbling shell
I'm ready to stand
two feet strong;
ready to right the wrong

Carry me

Like a rustling brook,
let me be the soft
of a moving current
that carries me to peace

Carry me ...

I watch in a silent reverie
the face staring back at me
the eyes sunken in pain
and then I cry again
This can't be me
I trace the place
with my fingertips
where once there was a smile
and now only misery
This can't be me

This can't be the pain I see
I trusted you
But you hurt me
Left me in pain while I sat in the rain
Caused so much to change
You went away
You did your own thing
Left me in this place
Broken and abused
Searching for the light
This can't be me

Why..
after all this time
does it still hurt

Why...
does your name
still linger on my lips

Why...
does your scent
still follow me around

Why...
do i hate you
yet question myself

Why?

I cried tonight
Soft pillows for which tears to fall
I felt the pent up strains
the aches and pains
drip softly down my cheeks
Does this make me weak?
Then let it be
Let it be me
that's screams aloud
through the tears
of pent up fears
that falls softly upon my cheeks

Time has seized to exist
My heart frozen like
Icicles on a once flowing stream
I am to mourn you
But it is me I mourn
I am to bury you
But it is me
Who wishes to be buried
Empty faces staring, pointing
Shaking their heads at my loss
We had just laughed, just touched
And now you have just left...
It is time now, I cannot move
As a testament to our love
A steady stream of
silent tears I shed. Goodbye.

Bleeding heart

Her hands are soft and leather worn
and her heart is beating strong,
but she is torn
Bones are scattered,
ribs shattered
and then the other matters
She is fighting for her life, my mom
Through all the pain
and incredible fears,
I have yet to see her tears
but I can feel them through her eyes
I can hear her silent cries
When she squeezes my hand
and squint her eyes -
my heart sighs
Her tears I can feel
her pain I can only imagine
I just want her to know I am here
My heart is bleeding in fear
I just want my mom back at home

I am so scared
sweat beading on my forehead
goosebumps rising on my arms

One hour - 60 minutes
is he nervous or glad
happy or mad

He drove me to this moment
I did not ask for this day
I did not ask for this pain

Love, honor, obey; till death do us part
it's almost time; lawyers, witnesses, judge
tears, anger, frustration - Divorced!!

I once lived in a house of endless laughter
Where giggles would tumble like blocks
Dresses would twirl and ponytails fly
Smiles on their faces would give me a high

But that is all water now under a bridge
For I am alone now where only silence lives
Bouncing from wall to wall, nothingness exists
I look at the empty room and ball up my fists

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday rolls by
A blur of endless work hours to make the time fly
Then finally, it is Thursday, and the time is near
The silence from the walls I can no longer hear

It is my day to shine, when the girls will come
Work to school then finally home
Time ceases to exist as the giggling tumbles again
They will leave me soon, but I’m content until then

Thursday to Sunday every other week
All other moments, nothing but bleak
I live for the days when they brighten my walls
Killing the silence, breaking my falls

I can see in their faces
When they think I’m not looking
The tears in their eyes
For the dad they are missing

It's so serene, comforting

to know that someone, somewhere

either here, or there needs me...

What is it, this feeling

of wanting, caring, giving

just because

It feels so warm

like a velvet blanket

on a chilly winter day

Just the knowing

that someone, somewhere

either here, or there needs me...

Sometimes I see her
as an apparition before me,
finger wagging
smiling that smile;
walking across the broken tile
in the kitchen we no longer use

Sometimes I can sense her
in the leaves outside
rustling with pride
at the funny ways
my kids make dad laugh;
and I miss her

Sometimes I hear her;
a whisper in my ear
reminding me to be softer,
to have patience, smile more
asking me to read her my poems
and to breathe a little space

And sometimes I can feel her
holding my hand
soft like wet sand,
warm and inviting
and I wish I could just
close my eyes and hold her

Sometimes ...

© Priya Patel 9/18/2015

Such is life

Only life,
in all its vibrant colors
and peculiar shapes,
can grab you
by the whisp of your hair
Only life can hurl
you into a tragic doom
when there was once
happiness in the air
and then sudden gloom

Take for example,
the quaking grounds
of a now old Nepal
or the silent road
that suddenly
engulfed my mother
and took her
from everything sweet;
took away the pillars of me
that lie in her feet

Or perhaps the children maimed
in Afghanistan
to prove a religiously
political point
And the children that should be playing
are now training to do the slaying
In another country,
same moment as one's death,
a child is born.  Rebirth
Life is funny that way,
amazingly sweet
and bitter too;
so easy to misconstrue

Today's breath
can be so easily distorted
and lapse silently
into tomorrow's emptiness

Such is life

Our silence echoes
like the annoying drip
of a leaking faucet
Yesterday mine,
perhaps, today yours
Both of us entangled
in this vortex of life
Our lives intertwined
like the familiar curling
of branches in a tree
We are, in one moment,
the subtle waves that crash
in a peaceful hum at the shore
but then drifts off in an endless sea
We are together yet oceans apart
Both so busy with our
everyday stresses
Every moment spent
on life's unexpected messes
And so we listen
as the soft ticking
of time passes us by
I miss you
I miss who you were
when she was still here
I miss just sitting with you
and watching hours of TV,
even the silly moments
when all we do is laugh
I miss all the moments we loose
while we are oceans apart
I wish she was here
but shes not
and I really need you back

Today met yesterday
a little too early this morning
Sleep still floating in my eyes
like clouds in the skies
hesitant to clamor open;
not at all eager to embrace the day
Eager more to slumber the quiet away
Weekends are hard, harder I think
This time then, before she left
we would be planning an adventurous trip
Midland, Abilene, Dallas perhaps
A getaway to simply relax
and treasure every moment spent together
Today baseball game, and then another
a city kids event and movie later
Another day with the kids
but without you
Miss you mom,
today, everyday

It hasn't even registered yet
has not sunk in my mind
that years of loving and hurting
laughing and crying
all led to regrets
no sorry's, just regrets
He regrets getting caught
I regret not seeing sooner
Now it is all done and over
and I am back to being one
Freedom, he accuses.  That's why I did it
but I dont feel free
just a deep sense of loss...

How do I love thee
Let me count the ways ...

It is all the unspoken words
You whisper to my heart
And in the distance between us
That is keeping us apart

It's the way your smile melts
Any fears that I may have
And in the joy you express
Each and every time I laugh

It's in the inexplicable way
You look at me, sometimes unaware
That I myself am locked
In the passion of your stare

It's in the way your fingers
Slide softly down my face
Memorizing my features
Touching each and every place

Its in those very first moments
When we knew something was there
In that very first kiss
That reached me everywhere

There are no words enough
And not enough days
But moments in time
To express the many ways

I am in love with loving again
of foolishly running in the pouring rain
of a wanting, aching need
to watch the seed of our love grow
Oh how I need you to know
that with only you
can my every dream come true
can the stars in your skies
twinkle bright in my eyes
and the smiles from your lips
become my every sunrise
Only with you
can I fall in love with loving again
in your hands only
I can run in the pouring rain
With you, I can nurture this need
to make the seeds of our love
grow once again

you like awake in bed,
sultry words wrapped
in your head
like the bondages
you've created for me

can you feel

I try to push
your thoughts away
but the words you say
and the insistent way
your fingers play
with my mind

the way you, me find

The bonds too tight
touching me just right
just enough to keep me
bound to you...

Wrinkles in the corner
of eyes aged with life
and crinkles for all the
laughter and tears shared
Almost seventy years young
he has carried me strong
a lifetime of burdens
he has bared
His shoulders wide
as mountain tops high
with welcoming arms
the span of the sky;
He carries his burdens
and stresses all on his own;
only laughter and smiles
does he show;
he is truly the most remarkable
man I know
So with heavy heart
and crystal tears,
I dedicate this to my papa
who has carried me
for so many years
I just want to say
I love you...

And so the days
are truly passing by
like the slowest floating
clouds in the sky
77 days to be exact
So many days
since I heard her voice
or see her smile
It's been a long while
It's all different now
each moment of every day
never sure what to say
or how I'm supposed to feel,
how I'm supposed to heal
The joys are not so joyful
the grief so much more
never sure
what the day has in store
for my heart
I see dad crumbling
with each day passing by
His tears I can now taste
in the corners of my eye
and he doesn't even know
And so the days
are truly passing by
like the slowest floating
clouds in the sky
and I still can't help but ask why
why her
why

A violet sky
     across horizons new
Shimmering fish
     swim across oceans blue
Birds chirp
     in unison, as if on cue
And I can only
     think of you

You don't have to remember,
I'll remind you
I'll love you when it's dark
and I'll shower you with light  
I'll understand
when things do not seem right
I'll try not to be angered
because you were never with me
I will walk with you
forever, endlessly
Wherever there is dark,
there must be light
I will help you with this fight
I am here

~ Priya 🕉, 2/5/22

Clouds bunched together
in a somber embrace,
sheilding themselves with
raining showers
just like the ones that
that fell to my face,
just like that morning
after her funeral
Streaks of lightening,
and a thundering storm
fearless showers
out of the norm
hiding the tears now streaming
down my cheeks
Tonight the winds howl;
the rains pound against my heart
as another was taken from this earth;
another family torn apart
Minutes into hours
I lie awake, grief stricken;
for me, for them
for the tears
that stream down my cheeks
and the pillows soft they fall on;
the pillows that have now
become my shoulders

In the place of my return
A hummingbird
shall linger in your air
She will flutter
in the locks off your hair
and will kiss the lines on your forehead
caressing you soft as I once did
She will be the laughter you seek
and the smile you live for
as mine once was
In the place of my return
She will become me

Once again, I have been robbed,
and that which I needed the most
is now in the hands of fate
My eyes have begun to self dilate,
unable to open and unable stay closed
I am hidden yet very much exposed
Sleep has somehow
become a dream of the past
I have been robbed of my senses
unable to feel or taste
anything other than
an empty space;
anything other than exhaustion
Perhaps I shall fall;
maybe then I will be able to sleep

harsh rains soak through me
suddenly refertilized
once again I bloom

my roots awakened
the child in me comes alive
dancing in the rain

The silence has settled in
In a plea for noise,
I scream from my heart
but only my ears can hear

Life is slow moving now;
slow to begin and crawling to end
My mask is fading
and I can no longer pretend
that everything is okay

It's not okay, I'm hurting
but I no longer feel alone
and although this is not easy;
and very hard to understand,
so many have reached out to me
to help me and to hold my hand
So many that wants to help me accept

Everything is not okay
but I no longer feel alone

What I wouldn't do
to be a fly on my own walls,
The very same walls
of built up frustration,
hurt and pain;
these walls of mine
are back again
I want to see what others see
and feel what they feel
when they see me
I want to know how I am
so I can find myself again

What became of the bubbling brook
that was once the laughter of my lips
and the tickling humor I always had
and the sassy way I would swing my hips
Where did I go
I cannot be lost in my nitingale dreams
for it has been ages since I've slept it seems
I'm no longer singing in the rains
or flying in planes
to meet my knight in shining armour;
although he waits for me patiently
for even he can see
that I've simply lost myself in grief
It would be so much easier to reprieve
but he's steadfast by my side
waiting for this phase to subside
But I'm lost
and nobody is able to find me

I seemed to have lost a part of myself
in my search for a better me
Perhaps I have been hunting blindly
It is hunt you know, almost a chase
through intricate emotions
Scurrying past my lost innocence;
bypassing everything I thought to be me
Seeing only what I wanted to see
Now I am a lost in a forest of fears,
drowning myself in a fountain of tears
Perhaps my search has come to an end;
I can no longer pretend
The better me is already here
Take me as I am

Finally, a gentle reprieve
warm, comforting arms
engulfing me
helping me to grieve
helping me believe
that everything will be ok
This new road has just started
and the journey is long
Right now I'm in limbo
I don't seem to belong
to anything but a deep emptiness
But he is here now
arms wide and warm smile
Perhaps now, everything will be ok

It was her, in ribbons of gold
masking the swirls of darkness
playing in fields of fear and loneliness
hiding behind those beautiful blue eyes
The smiles were all lies;
a makeup to cover the encrusted pain,
and now she plays again

I'm learning the sky
like leaves understands the breeze
so that I find you

You could be the clouds
here one minute, gone the next
floating past my dreams

You are all my nights
I search for you in the stars
foolishly it seems

My pleading whispers
like an owl on a branch
silently alone

I'll search endlessly
like falling leaves search for ground
so that you come home

~ Priya 🕉,  2/23/22

For hours I sat
between the rustling leaves
and the humming wind;
the tender kiss of breeze
upon my eyes
I could hear the singing
of birds and the laughter
from the ripples in the lake
and the soft, cozy blanket
of peace around my arms
I was just a ******* a bench
between the rustling leaves
and the humming wind
with the tender kiss of breeze
upon my eyes ...

~ Priya

My words today
are soft like silk
and warm like the honey
that kisses your lips
Perhaps from there
my words will sip
They become the  
devine intertwine
of consonants and vowels
like fingers twirling through
the strands of my hair
Today I will smile into the air
and from the corner of my eyes
poetry will drip
filling your pages with me

© Priya ॐ 6/29

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds.

~ Percy Bysshe Shelley

If not me, then with whom
whom to pretend with
to act tough with
to be angry with
when the answers you seek
are not answers at all
If not me, then with whom
to be your faithful eyes
when you just can't see
and to hear the things
you ignore determinedly
all the while, fervently
pushing me away
I don't know what to say
or how to be
but I'm here, waiting patiently
for you to finally see me
for me, for you
I'm here, fumbling, stumbling
through something so humbling
hating that your hurting
hating that we are crumbling
when all I want to do
is hold you, help you
be the rock you know me to be
just as you have been for me

~ Priya 🕉,  Feb 26, 22

it's quiet,
but not as silent
as I would have imagined
after all my bricks fell down
I think, looking back over the years
even through the roughest waters
there were never any tears
just wave after wave of emotions
a swimmer fighting not to drown
but eventually,
all my bricks fell down
it's quiet
no laughter in sight
no will to fight
no longer toiling in a useless plight
just the tumbling of bricks
that fell down

© Priya Patel 10/12/18

I thought I had lost
I thought the ground beneath me
was slipping away
that I had fallen
and was slowly drifting astray
drowning in the pain
of losing my son, once again
I thought I had lost
everything ...

Then he texted me
he's coming home
from dark, the light
had suddenly shone
If only a day,
or an hour or two
I'll take every moment
I can with you
To hear you laugh
To see you smile
If only for a little while

If only a day,
or an hour or two
I'll take every moment
I can with you
My son is coming home ...

~

I tried to dip my feet in the murky water
of the lake I conciously kept passing by
I had not been there in so long;
scared of unfamiliar territories
and bringing back memories
I had tucked neatly away to be forgotten
I thought I would never get the chance
to dip my feet in again
but life can take us on so many paths;
time moving so very fast,
almost passing us by
The water was so cold,
like unfamiliar territory
that somehow I thought
I could visit again
I swirled the sand with my feet
beneath the ice cold water
and cut my toe on a shell
Just as well, I thought
Perhaps I'll try again tomorrow

~ ©️ Priya 4/21/23 🕉

So well I remember
the clinking of our glasses and
the "cheers" that followed
with laughter and happiness
We were like kids that day
sipping from cocktails of love,
never realizing how truly
we were blessed
We were the dream team;
a mother and two daughters
sipping from cocktails of love

© Priya ॐ 7/2/17

Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen to one again.

~ Willa Cather