I was peeing in the woods like I always do when a grizzly bear*
*appeared in front of me. I punched him in the leg and killed him.

I sell potatoes and shoe polish door-to-door
and I really love it because people are
welcoming and don't try to **** me
very often or anything.

Dead Rose One  Nov 2017
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/1194245/why-lesbians-turn-me-on/

The Suzy Berlinsky Happy Show  Nov 2017
I met a "married" twosome of ****-divers last week, 1 is a school
teacher (all legs & lipstick) & the other sells water filtration gadgets.

I need a ***** for a token because this corporation's racially broken
I need a ***** quickly, if I expect the N.A.A.C.P. to really pick me
I carefully aimed 6 of my 12 machine guns with the realization that
wealthy white men desire young, skinny women & not old, fat ones

THE SADDEST ROMANCE EVER IN HISTORY - Bobby loved Mary since they were in an orphanage together run by their parents. Even when Mary was dying from a snake-bite Bobby was there eating pizza and smiling through his tears. One day, when it was raining hard, Mary got pregnant all of a sudden. Everyone at Pizza Hut (where she worked) was confused because someone had secretly put "confusion powder" in the pizza dough. Later, after the baby was born, Bobby went to Canada for 3 months to relax and do some swimming alone with his new girlfriend Claudette. Mary was devastated because of an incurable disease that robbed her of her mobility. All motor function was lost, and she couldn't even go to Pizza Hut without a fancy wheel-chair. By then she had gained considerable weight in her *** and was awarded ten million dollars by the *** Club because they loved her so much that they gave her a fortune (tax-free). Bobby found out and returned "to get in on the action" but it was too late because Mary had moved to Yugoslavia even though it was called something else by then. THE END!

Let me touch you appropriately for an hour while I can move under
total ambulatory power. Let me kiss you where it's dark, behind tall
bushes in the park where I will nibble on your milkless whale shark
baited ***** nibs like shark bait is nibbled by a race-baited sea shark.

Put a quarter under your pillow and the good fairy will give you a tooth. Lay white ****** across the train tracks and the oat meal man will **** your sister.

Dry-chapped babes in hoops display it squarely with self-awareness
& crooked actualization, slight agitation & pathetical determination
hampered by bouts of disruptive pancreatico-digestive regurgitation
on bags of rocks, rags born of sox on hags sans pox-clot infiltration

The flat curving of nothing has round Pawnee pawing black ground
in Texas hills, where pale girls are creamy & mud shacks are sound

She boosted my wave-nuts, like she learned from ghetto-black *****
who were pimped by pimps, like sisters of ghetto-pimped-out mutts

I was ******* several stewardesses in the privacy of the airport when a call was placed for me. It was the president. What now?

I'm down then beveled. I'm subservient yet sassy. I'm intermittently invisible to sonar (not radar nor magnetic imaging). Oriental society entreats me to success. When I'm out (out of my cave which requires no roof maintenance), I'm of the chance-taking, heart-attack faking, mausoleum-shaking caliber that killed Dad deader than Dirk Bogarde & Yoko Tani.

Some people see the glass as half empty. I see the glass as half black like Obama.

When I got another job bathing 9 rhinos I thought that I would shed
my dreaded fear of being cornered by a ***** ******, but alas, after
bathing my third ****** my fear of ******* rhinos got even bigger

I could promise many things: steel cotter keys for your mechanical joints, tightly-meshed wound gauze, an I.U.D. pamphlet written by Walter Sickert's great grand niece. But what of it? You'll still continue under indirection. Up's not down. Geese ain't lions. Grow a mustache like your Italian aunt. Stop playing 'possum.

Greetings from Unalaska where it's colder than a well-digger's *** whose best tattoo is that of a 2-headed pink cobra slithering out of the right eye socket of a blood-dripping-horned skull of Adolf ****** as it chomps down on a bald-headed, legless ***** ****** who's got a gammadion cross tattooed betwixt his eyes like Charles Manson.

I've been suddenly promoted to head of jury!
Falling off a building caused my head injury!

Deep where daytime plunges I view images obverse rendered slight
wrung from a perspective when noon of day becomes noon of night
among **** whose hot water's cold & whose saggy ******* are tight
to show straight Venezuelan queers that head-wise they're not right,
as if to correct **** San Pedro dragsters who fist-ways can not fight
Charles Carroll of Homewood never trapped mice not worth killing
Charles Carroll of Carrollton signed free declarations Allāh willing
Charles Carroll of Annapolis wrote that Turkical gals were thrilling
in tropic moonshine French vanilla ice cream's quite filling because
for no Scandinavian ******* there's no Scandinavian-****** dealing
and so without Croatian moolies there's no Croatian-****** grilling
when stolen-hubcap rates rise with the rise of 'hood-hubcap stealing
con-ghetto markets are swamped with hubcaps spooks were trailing
while black markets are burstin' with cool hubcaps they like selling
before choco shops are flooded by hot hubcaps negroes be smelling
after flea markets go awash with hub hot caps ***** are concealing
their motivations that would be revelationary to crimes protocolical
that are as penetrative as contacts rated allopathically transdermical
so as to counter stimuli sprouting superficial growth sclerodermical
within mutagenical outcroppings phasically presumed hydrostatical
It was Ric Flair who had a stare what could scare a bear because no
one fixes fair hair in a chair devil-may-care with their *** in the air!
It was Sonny plus Cher who did dare to spare rare bikini underwear
'cause no Bono heir can compare to share the glare of 1 blaring pair
Mountaineers need rear gear to snare sheer facets & clear a bare ear
when fear is a mere sad tear in the career of chairman Norman Lear  
We need guns to **** fascists because in America it's live free or die
& we need guns to **** pizza thugs demandin': "Give me your pie!"
& we need bombs to blow up folks who claim Bruce Jenner's a guy
whose vehicular homicides are faultless on a California codger tour
that skids by a nursin' home that's home to washed-up Roger Moore
with his lady-killing libido that marked him as a bed-hoppin' *****
on the Sunset Strip & in East L.A. & along 9 miles of Pacific shore
where, in Speedo bikini trunks, upon a polite society, he waged war

{The Tree: a poem for tree lovers}
I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so ugly as a tree
Its roots are gnarled, its limbs are busted
It looks like a ****** car that’s completely rusted
Once I climbed one, some neighbor’s tree
I fell when it broke & so did my knee
Nobody cared if I should live
A helping-hand to the tree they’d give
Now, when better & I have to ***
I do it, of course, against a tree
My leg was fractured in 6 places
I could see the concern on the medics' faces
They rushed passed so they could see
If there was anything they could do to help that tree
If it were possible with a tree to have a baby
Women would be rubbing themselves all over them

I wrung your neck like a gay biker on acid could if he were on T.V.
or like a Gypsy might, cold from linearity in a Czechoslovakian sea

I wrung your neck like a gay biker on acid could if he were on T.V.
or like a Gypsy might, cold from linearity in a Czechoslovakian sea

I wrung your neck like a gay biker on acid could if he were on T.V.
or like a Gypsy might, cold from linearity in a Czechoslovakian sea

Sister, after you get your legs cut off, you'll be my little sister again. You'll be half as tall as me. You'll be my half-sister. Before you do that, let's compare our legs for circumference and strength. I remember when you were 15 and your legs were shapely, and all the boys wanted to squeeze them and take them on long hikes behind Pizza Hut. Yes, but that was a long time ago before you became elderly in your appearance. Now no one wants to look at you except people from the Social Security Administration.

WEB: Alot vs. A lot
While it may be common to see the word “alot” throughout Internet commenting or text messaging, the word is never seen in print, and the reason is simple: it isn’t an actual word.

That’s right. If you go to any dictionary, you will not find the word “alot” as an entry, which makes it all the more interesting why the confusion between the two exists.

My passions are: 10 daily epileptic seizures, pimping my ** *******,
telling lies about Hillary, Honduran flag abuse, hobbling & limping
because I am incapacitated & loyal, after burnin' out #12 heater coil

My passions are: 10 daily epilepic seizures, pimping my ** *******,
telling lies about Hillary, Honduran flag abuse, hobbling & limping
because I am incapacitated & loyal, after burnin' out #12 heater coil

My passions are: 10 daily epileptic seizures, pimping my ** *******, telling lies about Hillary, Honduran flag abuse, hobbling & limping, because I am incapacitated & loyal, after burnin' out #12 heater coil

My passions are: 10 daily epileptic seizures, pimping my ** *******,
telling lies about Hillary, Honduran flag abuse, hobbling & limping
because I am incapacitated & loyal, after burnin' out #12 heater coil

There are women who are so good-looking that you wouldn't boot them out of bed for eating crackers, nor for uncontrollable bouts of vomiting, diarrhea & hemorrhaging, nor would you summon an ambulance. Let's not be hasty. An ambulance trip is $700. I'm looking for a room to rent in your house. About me: My first love is downing tranquilizers & speed with hard liquor. My second is smoking ****. I will have the rent money for the first week. I won't have the money for the weeks that follow. I have no fear of filth & disease.

Burps augmented by atomic farts make Dairy Queen really thrilling
when you got ****** jazz in your toes & muddy paws on the ceiling
made by man-**** Dan Boone on 1 afternoon at 2 on 24 June 1782
durin' Alvin Toffler's 2nd wave, before the putrid jab for Peking flu

I saw a bright light. I moved into it. It bathed me in a warm, hetero-normal glow. Suddenly I craved a woman *** partner a lot. Suddenly I was violently pulled back into my homosexual partner's bed. I felt betrayed by God big time.

Nobody has too many barrels, especially barrel jumpers. Playing the victim grants currency.

Is it safe to shower without a bikini on with an ex-lesbian? Yes, ex-lesbians are not interested in the **** bodies of luscious women in their late teens and early twenties. How can I be 100% sure that an ex-lesbian is not a lesbian anymore? There are many ways to do this that are inexpensive. Ask to see her ex-lesbian promise card (make sure the most recent month is "punched"). Can an ex-lesbian be trusted with my bank card code and extra car keys? Yes, ex-lesbians are trustworthy. My cousin is an ex-lesbian, and I don't trust her because she poaches alligator eggs and smuggles counterfeit Flintstone vitamins. I understand.

Hurricane Donny Osmond bore down on the Halifax Humane Society as 56 kittens were endangered by the rising water. The humane attendant acted quickly and decompressed the 56 kittens just in time.

Your sweet face is like a cloud in the night sky beclouded by other clouds. Your sweet ****** is like a small motorcycle zipping through the narrow alleys of an Italian city. Your **** is like a pocketful of love that was forgotten by angels a million years ago.

Your sweet face is like a cloud in the night sky beclouded by other clouds. Your sweet ****** is like a small motorcycle zipping through the narrow alleys of an Italian city. Your **** is like a pocketful of love that was forgotten by angels a million years ago.

American women discard 898 trillion metric tons of plastic I.U.D.'s
every 4 seconds because they like to. There ain't no talking sense to
these raging, I.U.D.-discarding ****** no matter what you ever do.