As they rested on their front porch rocking chairs the farmer sarcastically said to his wife of 60 years, while pointing at her sagging *******: "If those things worked I wouldn't need a cow."; "Yes," the farmer's wife conceded, "and If that thing worked," said she while pointing at his crotch, "I wouldn't need your brother."

The problems of liberals/Marxists stem from childhood. Their feigned failure to recognize the differences betwixt heterosex and ******* makes them forces to be reckoned with; to be feared amongst pre-pubescent youth.

30 statute miles = 600' of Earth curvature,
and yet THERE IS NO CURVATURE!!!

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To be vibrant eat plenty of large meals & drink red beer & do everything that Burt Reynolds would do. Don't apologize to bus drivers except when they're pointing guns at you for nothing. Always remember World War 2 in your prayers. I'm not looking to give Karen Carpenter a fat lip here! I'm an honest man who lies to women. Don't give me none of your hand-outs. I want what's in your purse! Stop resisting! = Stop defending yourself! [Self-preservation is the strongest of inborn traits.] Reality is theater in our celebrity/medical priest-worshiping culture as substantially half gay David Bowie is approximating his pathetical death. He's America's chief transplanted alien wreckage. My dog's hammered heartbeat beats like a beat hammer & tongs. What's going on? What is happening & what's it all about? Who are you & where have you been? English is good if that's all you got. Urinating is tough when your prostate is gigantical, titanical & other words meaning huge. My nostrils ain't of equal size. The moon, she is hung big! Love is important when imported. A poem that took 43 seconds to write is always worth wasting 52 seconds to read. Society is turned around on the matter of fire applied to breast tissue. ******* I singe make me cringe. Concerned ******* for Spare Change ask: "Is Hillary Lesbian a Clinton?"

HOW TO TURN ABANDONED WOMEN INTO TOP-NOTCH BROOM JOCKEYS [1 December on December first] - Women come in all colors except purple, orange, green, and a few others, but 1 thing is for sure: women are here to stay. Most women stretch out at 5 feet tall (or even taller when swinging from a chin-up bar). Women are trainable, that's been proven by renowned professors of course from important colleges in Europe. Never push a woman off the observation deck of the Empire State Building or off a Grand Canyon cliff ledge that's in excess of 200 feet high because God wouldn't approve because He made women for normal people and lesbians to pal around with. Do you think North & South Dakota will become 1 Dakota? "I don't need a money order or a personal check because I got Jesus, and if you don't like that you can go straight to hell!" Jimmy Swaggart warned Donnie, whose irresponsible spending ******* tons of feather-light people bound for Heaven.  I read about a liver doctor murdering a kidney doctor over their love for a foot doctor. Jimmy Swaggart and Judd Hirsch were born March 15, 1935. They'll probably not die on the same day.

Marushka Anya the pull along the thighs brings the space into view
of the maternal honeycomb where-from, your Mother, emerged you
in '98, upon no-man's Patagonian land that skirts Chile & Argentina
where no Java maids milk foal ******* at coal tipples in Micronesia

I'm forced to live in the woods & eat moles 'cause I really do love it
and I'd never ***** that I am too royal toward it, or very far above it
or *****-***** to ream & **** it, even when I'm 768 miles from it
Unlike you, with your greyish bumps, I ain't scarfed corn dogs with
stinkin' garbage men, in garbage trucks, speeding to garbage dumps
My ditzy ***** went crazy from a street drug so, like they did with
father Grigorii Rasputin, I shot her twice, then wrapped her in a rug
While I'm swingin' an ax in an abortuary to unsettle my calm bones
I find quiet consolation listening to near-dead, half-deaf Tom Jones
who dreams of Earth minus lesbians grooming dads as mom clones

I'm forced to live in the woods & eat moles 'cause I really do love it
and I'd never ***** that I am too royal toward it, or very far above it
or *****-***** to ream & **** it, even when I'm 768 miles from it
Unlike you, with your greyish bumps, I ain't scarfed corn dogs with
stinkin' garbage men, in garbage trucks, speeding to garbage dumps
My ditzy ***** went crazy from a street drug so, like they did with
father Grigorii Rasputin, I shot her twice, then wrapped her in a rug
While I'm swingin' an ax in an abortuary to unsettle my calm bones
I find quiet consolation listening to near-dead, half-deaf Tom Jones
who dreams of Earth minus lesbians grooming dads as mom clones
Sharing my lunch with an out-of-work ****** makes me feel larger,
just like after my big ****'s been slammed in the jamb of a car door
The snow Christened Christ, freezing hot after-birth iced. His Mum
was a ****** who had babies, while Daddy bit a dog that had rabies.
Hey you *******, I am ***-high in the Jakarta Turbine project
so I got no time for them or Lloyd Bridges & his hemorrhoid ridges
as my tick-bit chihuahua'd sooner *** on what is left of Bruno Leon
With dour Vince Edwards it was a horror to power-rinse head warts
I inhale the stench of birds being cared for in the privacy of a closet
where fruits ripen after paying a homosexual closet security deposit
In the future all good people will act like Donny Osmond a little bit
when they're comfortably seated on a heated toilet seat taking a ****
The ****** nurse in fancy nurse uniform, through which I saw ****
fur, led me to the hospital bed so that I could have my way with her
like the fakes who were John Forsythe, Sam Jaffe & Raymond Burr
could, if they had not died as rabid dogs like Allāh said they should
as the eternal souls of those who are bad shall be shredded for good
“Listen Missy,” I said, “I could spend many nights ******* you raw
or brushin' my curly **** bush on my million-dollar yacht instead!”
My thumb's numb where a dog bit me, just after I ****** his *****
in Satan's kitschy church for a mass that was less camp than witchy
among Hillary's ****-suckin' pigs who're no less shaky than twitchy

My pineapple's gone & large toe nail file & old rancid purple grape
whilst ½ a guy can crush a ¼ guy who's in better-than-normal shape
save contusion, sun blister, wrist sprain, ****** nose & knee scrape
suffered at the hands of North Carolinians who fear the windy cape
along a jetty where the sea recedes adjacent to the neck of the nape,
'cause it's Jane Curtin's funereal dress that over her corpse we drape
to please videographers who've run out of dead bodies to videotape

Across the Malaysian nation the brown people of Manila pray eat a
squirrel of nice size, but don't grow a tail as Manilans are very wise

Firemen have gone to jail for arson. Ted Bundy worked as an operator on a suicide-prevention line. Ted Bundy, who murdered a 100 young women, saved a child from drowning. George W. Bush swore an oath to the Constitution yet he still waged illegal war against Iraq. Spun-glass insulation proves that insulation need not be stationary.
   Karen mashed her *** into the mattress. "Carlos, we must flee Kibera tonight because our lives are in danger. Carlos!"
   "What? I was someplace else in my brain."
  "Get with the program you grease-ball and see the indentations that I've made in this mattress with my ***!"
   "Is it that serious?"
   "You betcha! This mattress will never bounce back."

I was washing my **** & whistling a ****-washing tune about ****-
washing in 1782 with my ****-washing bub, the **** Daniel Boone

DEAR MISTER ED ASNER (deceased): My pet pig's lost lots of blood to aid in the application of linoleum flooring. Should I date outside my race or continue to throw pop bottles at trains? Sincerely, Mary Tyler Moore (deceased) - Dear Mare: You had ******* for a whitey. I don't have a pig because I'm deceased. Love, Eddy Baby!

Fred Gizzard and his mother lived secluded lives on top of an abandoned Dairy Queen roof even though they were desperately impoverished because of a 100% lack of money. "I'll have a deluxe D.Q. sundae *****!" Fred demanded and somehow (maybe through Jesus) the dessert appeared. One day he ordered a ******* called Kandee and she showed up and together they went onto the roof of another abandoned Dairy Queen and made sweet love for 2 minutes until she finally confessed to Fred that her name wasn't Kandee because she was a royal princess of a popular country and only ****** in her free time when she wasn't on her billion-dollar yacht eating expensive seafood and having her gold-plated bikini altered. Fred gasped and grabbed her ******* enraptured with joyfulness. "Praise Jesus!" He exclaimed in a happy way that made the princess want to have additional *** with him. Later, the two of them climbed onto the roof of the first Dairy Queen to live with Fred's mother under a tarp for 2 years.

knew she couldn't be buried in a Jewish cemetery because of her snake tattoo. "I'll die unburied!" She whined to her ex-lesbian lover who was in the Mafia. "Don't worry Sybil (not her real name) because I have an ex-lesbian neighbor who's a rabbi and she'll make sure you're planted in a prime plot near several other tattooed ex-lesbians."

Our love was like a large can of tomato paste
at Papa John's, neglected, red like Papa John's
**** warts

We had it all, the paste, the will to live like
pin worms that squirmed over Papa John's
**** warts


Nancy and her first ****** period

“Is this your first ****** period?” Nancy's fake-in-it-for-the-money-English-foster-mother asked.
“Yes, in junior high school the day is divided into ****** periods,” Nancy replied.

I was so fortunate to have known you before you became a homosexual.
You were kind & caring
You acted normally.
You didn't have A.I.D.S.
You weren't crying.
And then you became queer.
Now, you're a mess.
Get it together!
Why don't you just go back to being sane?

You'll have to eat your chocolate wet.
Why?
Because I dropped it on the toilet.

What can I do? It happened to me too.

Whispers in the dark

You whispered in the dark and I couldn't make it out.
"Turn on the light so I can hear what you're saying!" I demanded.


Thanks Krystal, I feel that 1 day Hawaii will be at peace.


Nature films & ***** films are both recorded on the same stock. I'm rabidly anti-corporatism. 
There are many talented people ambulatory & otherwise who were invisible in the 
dark, pre-Internet years. All's coming out now, all will be revealed. You're here. People 
read your poems. That's more important than what the gate keepers choose to tell us.

While others are rushed to the hospital, Elvis was leisurely driven.



Why do you poison my food? Why do you ***, while standing on 1 foot? Why do you throw pies at me? Why is your mother Chinese? Why? You beat me with bull ropes. You whack me with oak planks. You love me. That's all that matters.

Why do you poison my food? Why do you ***, while standing on 1 foot? Why do you throw pies at me? Why is your mother Chinese? Why? You beat me with bull ropes. You whack me with oak planks. You love me. That's all that matters.

when my great-great grandfather was a child he would go to a hundred banks a week and apply for home-equity loans for fun and the bankers would laugh and throw up on him and give bags of money to him till his legs hurt and then he'd go to the ******-moistening clinic to taunt dry ***** and then he'd take a vacation on the Titanic and drown.

Are your ears low on wax? Mine are. I've tried everything: elephant *****, monkey-*** mites, and still my wax-levels remain dangerously low. I could die from ear wax fever if I don't do something right away! So yesterday I contacted doctor Clem Butter-**** whose work in ear wax replenishment is known in lots of places. He suggested that I jump off the observation platform of the Empire State Building with no clothes on. I asked how that would remedy my wax-deficit, and he said it wouldn't but he'd be there to photograph the entire fall for his new book: 𝙁𝙞𝙡𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙎𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝘿𝙪𝙢𝙗 𝘾𝙪𝙣𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙉𝙤 𝙀𝙖𝙧 𝙒𝙖𝙭 𝙇𝙚𝙖𝙥 𝙤𝙛𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙀𝙢𝙥𝙞𝙧𝙚 𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝘽𝙪𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜.

I'll not ever totally understand why you went so insanely mad when
I took your slender left hand for stitchin' onto my wrist-bone stump

I will dig cow manure as I am so mature & ****** blistered for sure
like Eva Gabor on tour, sleeping with the Rolling Stones who snore
all night till they are dead, prostrate on the chunky, puke-slick floor

Crapped-out **** Christ' Hitchens enjoyed 2 things immensely, (1) ******* *******, (2) ******* more *******. Paddy Upchucker was an Irish hurler who distinguished himself fighting children in the Iraqi war on behalf of The Fish Valley & Tuna Bay Gynecological Research Hospital. Death releases us for a moment from torment. See, we think alike because our brains are big, bigger than monkey brains, mucho bigger...Some folks never learn. That's why we have drive-through liquor stores. My chihuahua bites me because he respects me. I missed the point, purpose, target & mark. Zero, I've tallied, for trying. Nothing could Richard Burton do to soften Liz Taylor's hard ***.

English is good if that's all you got. Urinating is tough when your prostate is gigantical, titanical & other words meaning huge.

I was dreaming about making it with my cousin
when a knock on the door woke me up.

“Who is it?”

“It's your cousin!”

“All right!!!”

I was dreaming about making it with my cousin when a knock on the door woke me up.

“Who is it?”

“It's your cousin!”

“All right!!!”

I was dreaming about making it with my cousin when a knock on the door woke me up. “Who is it?”; “It's your cousin!”; “All right!!!”

I was dreaming about making it with my cousin
when a knock on the door woke me up.

“Who is it?”

“It's your cousin!”

“All right!!!”