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Nig McPeters attended college to become the richest man in southwest Ohio. "One day I'll own the citizens of this part of Ohio like an ex-lesbian nurse with a large ****** owns boxes of paper face masks that don't do anything," he told his worst friend, Sheila Henderson who was so beautiful that many ex-lesbians were willing to forget everything they knew about ex-lesbianism to possess her for just 1 wild night of ex-lesbian passion.
BOB'S UNMURDERABLE LOVE FOR MARGE was evident. Everywhere they went together people saw what they saw: Bob was crazy about Marge. Often, he would spray vegetable oil on her and then add salt to make her deliciously wonderful especially when canned foods were scarce. One day, after the Olympics in Helsinki were over, Marge suffered from a horrible migraine head trauma that almost killed her. Several cops arrived to take her to Big Mike's Diseased Brain Surgery Clinic where Mike and his valiant staff of ex-perverts ate chicken with no clothes on. "I hate him!" A nearby ***** exclaimed before his brain was sloppily removed.
There was a girl of 13 who had been severely scarred emotionally. One day, while she was bowling, a man approached her with scar cream. "Here," he said, "apply this scar cream 7,000 times per day and your horrible scars will disappear." She looked at him and then she looked at the scar cream. "Okay," she said confidently, "I will do as you have instructed." 23 minutes after that her scars were completely gone. She was eaten the next day by an alligator.


Mister Bob, with the extra scoop of ice cream it'll be three dollars and sixty-seven cents. What?! Three dollars and sixty-seven cents?! That's outrageous! Prepare to die! Just kidding. Here's three hundred thousand dollars. Holy Christ Bob! I thought you were going to **** me for a minute there. Thanks for the three hundred thousand dollars. Now I can get my ****** surgically tightened.
๐“๐ก๐ซ๐ž๐ž ๐ฐ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž๐ง, ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ž๐ฑ-๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ๐›๐ข๐š๐ง๐ฌ, ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฎ๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐๐ž๐š๐ ๐œ๐จ๐ฐ๐›๐จ๐ฒ'๐ฌ ๐ง๐š๐ค๐ž๐ ๐œ๐จ๐ซ๐ฉ๐ฌ๐ž ๐ฅ๐ข๐ค๐ž ๐ฉ๐š๐ ๐š๐ง ๐š๐ง๐ข๐ฆ๐š๐ฅ๐ฌ. "๐“๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐ข๐œ๐ค๐ž๐ง๐ข๐ง๐ ," ๐จ๐ง๐ž ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฆ ๐›๐ข๐ญ๐œ๐ก๐ž๐ ๐ฐ๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐ž ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐จ ๐ž๐ง๐ ๐š๐ ๐ž๐ ๐ข๐ง ๐ฅ๐ž๐ณ๐ณ๐ฒ ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฑ ๐ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ ๐ก ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ž๐ซ๐ž๐ง'๐ญ ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐จ. "๐ˆ ๐ก๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ž๐ฑ-๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ๐›๐ข๐š๐ง๐ฌ!" ๐“๐ก๐ž ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ซ๐ ๐œ๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ข๐ง ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฅ๐ž๐š๐ ๐ž๐ฑ-๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ๐›๐ข๐š๐ง ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐œ๐ฅ๐š๐ข๐ฆ๐ž๐ ๐ข๐ง ๐š ๐ง๐š๐ฎ๐ ๐ก๐ญ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ก๐š๐ฎ๐ ๐ก๐ญ๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฒ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฆ๐š๐๐ž ๐“๐จ๐ฆ, ๐š๐ง ๐ž๐ฑ-๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ๐›๐ข๐š๐ง ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ, ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ฃ๐ž๐š๐ฅ๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ก๐ž ๐ฃ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ž๐ ๐จ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ญ๐ข๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐จ๐ฉ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐„๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ข๐ซ๐ž ๐’๐ญ๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐๐ฎ๐ข๐ฅ๐๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐š๐ฅ ๐ญ๐ข๐ฆ๐ž๐ฌ, ๐ง๐ž๐š๐ซ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ค๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ก๐ข๐ฆ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ.
As a troubled teen from a broken home, I knew what it was like to
be plagued by self-doubt. My parents were independent swingers
who enjoyed the intimacies of others because they had an open
marriage. One day, as mom was "entertaining" 3 truck drivers,
dad was in the swimming pool "waxing his carrot" and
"choking his chicken" after "bleeding his lizard" for
several *** skanks who dropped by to
"get their knuckles dusted."

Donna wanted to look more like Darrell Waltrip than she already did so she rafted to Alaska to take ๐˜๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฌ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜‹๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ž๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ฑ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ด. Her doctor examined her in a dismissive way. "Miss Jones, it's going to take months for me to make you look more like Darrell Waltrip than you currently do." Donna was devastated by the prognosis. "Doctor, exactly how would you make me look more like Darrell Waltrip than I currently do?" The doctor looked out the window at Negroes ransacking Target. "That's easy enough. I'd simply remove the sections of your face that don't look like Darrell Waltrip." Six months later Donna rafted back to California to a surprise birthday party hosted by Darrell Waltrip who was secretly in love with her. "Oh Darrel," Donna cooed when they were having ****** ******* in bed together, "I don't know where your body ends and mine begins because we look so much alike." Darrell smiled, exposing 5 rotten teeth up front. "I'm not really Darrell Waltrip. I'm a hobo who just pretends to be." Donna smirked. "My name's not Donna Jones. I'm really Daryl Hannah from the movie ๐˜š๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฉ and you're under arrest for impersonating a race car driver!"
Cork is a tree, but pickles don't start off that way. A lover lost in an avalanche is a horrible mess unless it's God's Will. God didn't invent avalanches. They're just the result of snow or **** reaching a tipping point as did the coal spoil tip in Aberfan, Wales that toppled on 10/21/66, killing 116 children.
WIKI: The Aberfan disaster was the catastrophic collapse of a colliery spoil tip on 21 October 1966. The tip had been created on a mountain ***** above the Welsh village of Aberfan, near Merthyr Tydfil, and overlaid a natural spring. Heavy rain led to a build-up of water within the tip which caused it to suddenly slide downhill as a slurry, killing 116 children and 28 adults as it engulfed Pantglas Junior School and a row of houses. The tip was the responsibility of the National Coal Board (NCB), and the subsequent inquiry placed the blame for the disaster on the organisation and nine named employees.

There were seven spoil tips on the hills above Aberfan; Tip 7โ€”the one that slipped onto the villageโ€”was started in 1958 and, at the time of the disaster, was 111 feet (34 m) high. In contravention of the NCB's procedures, the tip was partly based on ground from which springs emerged. After three weeks of heavy rain the tip was saturated and approximately 140,000 cubic yards (110,000 m3) of spoil slipped down the side of the hill and onto the Pantglas area of the village. The main building hit was the local junior school, where lessons had just begun; 5 teachers and 109 children were killed.
๐—–๐—น๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐—ฎ ๐—น๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—น๐˜† ๐˜„๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐˜„๐—ต๐—ผ'๐—ฑ ๐˜„๐—ผ๐—ป ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿด ๐—ฏ๐—ถ๐—น๐—น๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐—ฑ๐—ผ๐—น๐—น๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ด๐—ป ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜‚๐˜๐˜† ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜๐˜€. ๐—›๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐˜€๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜† ๐—ณ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐—ฎ๐—ฏ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—น๐˜‚๐˜๐—ฒ๐—น๐˜† ๐—ณ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜„๐—น๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜€ ๐—ฒ๐˜…๐—ฐ๐—ฒ๐—ฝ๐˜ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐Ÿต๐Ÿฌ ๐˜๐˜‚๐—บ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜€ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜๐˜€ (๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜๐˜† ๐˜๐˜‚๐—บ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐˜€), ๐˜€๐—ผ ๐˜€๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ฎ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜€๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—บ. โ€œ๐—ช๐—ถ๐—น๐—น ๐—ถ๐˜ ๐—ต๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐˜?โ€ ๐—ฆ๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ธ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ. โ€œ๐—œ๐˜ ๐˜€๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐—น๐—น!โ€ ๐—›๐—ฒ ๐˜€๐—ฎ๐—ถ๐—ฑ. ๐—–๐—น๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜† ๐—ฒ๐˜…๐—ฐ๐—ถ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜„๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฏ๐—ถ๐—ด ๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐˜† ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฏ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐˜€. โ€œ๐—ช๐—ถ๐—น๐—น ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ ๐Ÿต๐Ÿฌ ๐˜€๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜€? ๐Ÿญ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ต ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜?โ€ ๐—ฆ๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ธ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ง๐—ถ๐—บ, ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐—ฝ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜๐—ถ๐—ฐ ๐˜€๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐—ผ๐—ป. โ€œ๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐˜€๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐—น๐—น ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ!โ€ ๐—›๐—ฒ ๐˜€๐—ฎ๐—ถ๐—ฑ.
๐—œ๐˜ ๐˜„๐—ผ๐—ป'๐˜ ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐˜๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ฏ๐˜† ๐—”๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—น ๐˜„๐—ต๐—ผ ๐—น๐—ถ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐—ฃ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜‚ ๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐—ฎ ๐—ฃ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜‚๐˜ƒ๐—ถ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐˜‚๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ฒ
๐˜„๐—ถ๐—น๐—น ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ธ๐—ฒ ๐—ช๐—ฎ๐—ณ๐—ณ๐—น๐—ฒ ๐—›๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—ณ๐—ณ๐—น๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐—ฎ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜-
๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ธ๐—ฒ ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ฐ๐—ธ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐—ฎ ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐—ฎ ๐—ด๐—ถ๐—ด๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜๐—ถ๐—ฐ ๐—ฃ๐—ผ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐˜†๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—–๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ฐ๐—ธ๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ.
As I rowed my dinghy down the mysterious Diarrhea River several
dog-hungry Haitians swam towards me. Fortuitously for them I
was loaded low in the water with 148 pounds of rancid dog
liver and bowels. They were happier than pigs in crap-rich
mud as I lobbed heaping gobs of gooey intestines at them.

Don't ignore me like that. I'm not a *****. I'm a Baptist and I worship Jesus more than you ever will, even if you live to be ninety-six like my grandma who was eaten by cannibal Pygmies after crashing her helicopter in a woody place that was heavily heavy with giant cannibal Pygmies who had a grungy appetite for women in their nineties. Grandma seemingly lived her death in a dream and she said: "Tina, I dreamed that I was eaten by cannibal Pygmies after crashing my helicopter."; "Jesus H. Christ!" I exclaimed. "Who's Tina?!"
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