If you get near, I'll strip a gear, more out of fright than out of fear. I saw you in a bikini yesterday before I took it off to make the mail man happy. One day I'll drive a Toyota to your carnival trailer, the one that was good enough for novelist Norman Mailer, and it's there that we'll make sweet love like the queen of the Nile made to King Tut behind Cairo's only Pizza Hut.

𝗧𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝘂𝗻 & 𝗿𝗲𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴! 𝗔 𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗿-𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝘆𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗶𝗻
𝗮 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲'𝘀 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. 𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗮𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲 𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗻
𝗲𝘅𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗿. 𝗛𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 & 𝗺𝗲: 𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲
𝗽𝗶𝗲𝗰𝗲𝘀. 𝗔𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝗳𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗶𝘀
𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗱𝗼𝗺-𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲! 𝗠𝗲𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗺𝗮𝘀 𝗝𝗲𝘀𝘂𝘀! 𝗜'𝗺 𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘄!!!

FIFTY-SIX FORMS OF VIOLENCE THAT COULD INJURE A LESBIAN WITHOUT HER EVER, OR EVEN, KNOWING IT: Lesbians are just like normal people who enjoy lesbianism. 1 day, while I was walking home from a lesbian get-together, I was attacked by 13 ex-lesbians armed with tranquilizer guns. When I woke up 32 hours later 1 of the ex-lesbians had assumed my identity and was raising my children and having *** with my husband "her way." Boy, was I ever ******!

Against the window Webster heard drenched hormones gnawing and gnashing like he was in Israel again killing bad people in nursing homes. "I don't like the sound of that," young Marla moaned lasciviously as her hefty ******* ****** to and fro. "Look at me!" Clyde demanded. "Your ******* are wild and must be tamed or else we're all going to die!" No one knew what he meant by that. "Clyde, that is the weirdest thing in the world, what you said," youthful Brad Dillman muttered. "I agree," Big Nig Hopkins chimed in. "Alright, everybody CHILL! I'm going to release anti-hormone aerosols now to **** what's outside!" Doctor Hector O'Malley exclaimed while his big nuts oscillated to and fro in time with Marla's hefty *******. Finally, the drenched hormone monster was gone and everyone whipped out their ******* and ******. "I think we're going to make it!" Duke the pie stocker proclaimed authoritatively as the river rose to a critical flood stage that presented a new threat to these brave explorers.

WITH SANDWICH BAGS TO STEAL
SOUP FROM THE BUFFET...

Got any of those sack-loads of **** that are so popular everywhere these days? Yes! Just got a million sack-loads of them 10 minutes ago. May I see them? Are you a cop? No. Well I am! You're under arrest for your "sack-load of **** inquiry" which is punishable with a mandatory penectomy plus your collection of green stamp books! Oh no! Not my green stamp books?! Take my *****, just don't take my green stamps!

Cody Smith  11h
You're still up to this? Posting everyday for nobody? What's the deal?

𝑷𝒐𝒍𝒂 𝘉𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘬𝘺  9h
You're still up to this? Posting everyday for nobody? What's the deal?

Cody Smith  6h
I don't post every day. You seem to hate everyone, that ***** for you.

𝑷𝒐𝒍𝒂 𝘉𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘬𝘺  4h
I don't post every day. You seem to hate everyone, that ***** for you.

Cody Smith  5m
I know you're staring at your phone, reading this and taking the effort to highlight the text, copy and paste it into the message box to send to me.

All that effort wouldn't be worth it to someone who doesn't care. You've been here for years and you don't seem to want to communicate with anybody. Why?

Cody Smith  3m
I genuinely apologize for being rude to you. You've been rude to me before so I was being petty.

𝗣𝘂𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗽𝘂𝘀-𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽-𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗮 𝗿𝘂𝘁𝘁-
𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵! 𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗳 𝗱𝗼𝗴 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸, 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗸𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗿, 𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘆 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗽 & 𝘀𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗘𝗻𝗴𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗱, 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗶𝘇𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝗟𝗶𝘇𝘇𝘆, 𝗦𝗮𝘁𝗮𝗻'𝘀 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵.
"𝗜𝗳 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘀 𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴!" 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗮𝗿𝘅𝗶𝘀𝘁 𝗘𝗻𝗴𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗱'𝘀 𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗸
𝗾𝘂𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗯𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘀𝗰𝗲𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗮𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗴𝘂𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗻 𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝟭𝟯
𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗕𝗮𝗹𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗮𝗹, 𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗽 𝗙𝘂𝗹𝘁𝗼𝗻 𝗦𝗵𝗲𝗲𝗻.
𝗖𝗿𝗮𝘇𝘆 𝗨𝗻𝗰𝗹𝗲 𝗛𝗼'𝘀 𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗯𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗩𝗹𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗿 𝗣𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻, 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗹𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗛𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗶 𝗟𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻.

I met a "married" twosome of ****-divers last week, 1 is a school
teacher (all legs & lipstick) & the other 1 sells water filtration gadgets.

Step outside onto a porch made of wood and metal! You'll be amazed by the quality workmanship as you slide into the sauna for a relaxing bubble bath in the privacy of your brain while pixies & sprites & leprechauns dance a polka on your exposed ****-hole for millions of people to ogle. "It's not me, it's the fish guts," Donald McRonald stated to several inspectors who were "out to get him."

Cody Smith  8h
You're still up to this? Posting everyday for nobody? What's the deal?

𝑷𝒐𝒍𝒂 𝘉𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘬𝘺  6h
You're still up to this? Posting everyday for nobody? What's the deal?

Cody Smith  2h
I don't post every day. You seem to hate everyone, that ***** for you.

𝑷𝒐𝒍𝒂 𝘉𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘬𝘺  1h
I don't post every day. You seem to hate everyone, that ***** for you.

"Before you were born," said my uncle, "as fun-loving, adventure-seeking children we would sing, during the bus ride home through rural Pennsylvania: 'When your ***** hit the walls like Niagara Falls, it's a rupture. It's a rupture. When you fall off a cliff and your **** hits a stick, it's a rupture. It's a rupture.'”

“You're **** when you talk wet-back. Are you a wet-back?”

“No, I'm not a wet-back.”

 “That's good. I don't mind a little grease now and again.”

 “Me too.”

Are your pans chef-tested? My what? Pans. What does that mean? Hey! Climb down off my ***! No, my pans are not tested by chefs. They are non-chef-tested. What about your spatulas? Yes, a chef came 'round yesterday and beat his boyfriend unconscious with a large spatula.

I heard that you're a hot-shot executive at Dip **** & **** Muffin? Yes, I've been with them 3 years. I married Gloria **** Muffin, the founder's daughter. We have a lovely house that came with 3 children, all mulattos. That's wonderful. Is your wife tall? Indeed! She's seven or eight feet straight up, even taller if you lay her fat-*** on a pitched pitch roof, that is: a sloped roof covered in tar. I see. What about the pickaninnies? Are they trained? Yes, one of them is 300 pounds and can swim like a ******. It sounds to me that you live an ideal life as a hot-shot executive. I surely do.

Karen's bone-bruising tightness forced Trevor to buy a barrel of petroleum jelly. "You're tighter than Richard Nixon in an apron," he observed as blood (thicker than ravioli sauce) poured from the cracked peanut butter jar. "Jesus!" Karen spat because she was a bony devil-worshiper: "I've never had my tubes re-tied by an idiot like you!"

I feel like a larger-than-average Jersey City ***** facing the sizzling tunnel of love alone now that you've left me for an ex-lesbian dental hygienist. Oh, I can't verbalize the horrifying regret & sorrow that I feel while plumbing the inner-core of my sassy neighbor's virginal womanhood like an Eskimo gynecologist from Unalaska. It will be a frigid day in Heaven when I get my outer toes removed because I need them for swimming in the Blue River of Disappointment which feeds the Green Sea of Unhappiness.

Are you scared? Horrified, terrified and mummified? Are your shoulder sockets loose? Do your feet turn too far back? Is the front of your *** impossible to find? If so, you may be eligible for 50%-off imported products that are guaranteed to change your life! Stop boiling ***** and throwing it out the window! Stop listening to George Strait because he's more gaily festive than a Key West picnic basket! Start loving yourself, but not at Burger King because they got cameras everywhere!

See **** for Brains starring Gavin McSuckcock as F. Junior Harrison and Melody Cuntlock in a dual role as the Menstrual Sisters: ****** & Vaginalie. Can man defeat God? Maybe. If Jesus jumps ship, God hasn't got a chance. "Take my hand child," the hand surgeon said 5 minutes before the first hand-swap in medical history.

How would you like to live underwater with my brother? Don't take your bra off yet! It's not easy to live there. My brother is deaf but still enjoys swimming when sharks are eating his feet. Don't be afraid of that. You can throw rocks at them.

"White Mice" by the Mo-Dettes
Track 17 on "The Story So Far" {1981)

Smile so sweetly, so completely, dazzle everyone
A smile like yours should be on show, oh gosh it's such good fun
And there's a lot of other things about you that I like
The only thing that's lacking is a thousand c.c. bike

Don't be stupid, don't be limp
No girl likes to love a wimp
Dance and make fun, nicely done
Come and be my number one

Your **** is tight and moves alright, your eyes are big and blue
𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗳 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹 𝗜'𝗱 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂
But I'm naughty, sweet and haughty, forward with it too
So come and visit then kiss it, like only lovers do!

Don't be stupid, don't be limp
No girl likes to love a wimp
Dance and make fun, nicely done
Come and be my number one

I'm not dumb, I'm on the run for someone sweet and tasty
Young men always turn my head and can't help acting hasty
Now it's said, it's straight to bed, no need to make it harder
I believe in plenty of nice things to stock my larder

Don't be stupid, don't be limp
No girl likes to love a wimp
Dance and make fun, nicely done
Come and be my number one
Don't be stupid, don't be limp
No girl likes to love a wimp
Dance and make fun, nicely done
Come and be my number one

IS CRACKED AND STAINED and older than my dog Pokey who's 16. It all began 23 years ago when my grandmother and me were camping high above the Grand Canyon in Arizona on a rainy night. We had just said our nightly prayers, removed our dentures and were ready to sleep when a gang of mountain lions came out of nowhere (just like motorcyclists) and jumped on our tent, collapsing it instantly. In the darkness I grabbed grandma as a meat-offering because these cats were hungry. "Shut up! I have another grandmother!" I exclaimed during the excitement to calm granny down which didn't work anyway.

“**** it Paula! We are lesbians and we have to stick together!”
“I know and I'm sorry, but sometimes I forget that we're lesbians. Sometimes I think that maybe, just maybe, we're more than lesbians!”
“More than lesbians? What do you mean?”
“Paula, don't you ever wonder about what men are like? How big are their vaginas? What it feels like to feel a man's naked *******?”
“No, I never have. I suppose that a man's ***** is no different than a woman's. Anyway, we're lesbians, so we can't think of such things.”
“Paula, do you suppose that there are 2 homosexual men having this conversation right now?”
“Yes, after all men & women are no different from each other. We all have desires & menstrual cycles. It's just a terrible fact of life.”
“Good night Katrina.”
“I'm low on protection.”
“Better get some, first thing in the morning. I don't want either, or both of us, to get pregnant.”
“Me too.”

Diphtheria.

Yes, okay, diphtheria.

Just in case you want to sue let me correct failing parts of your face
with injectable botulism food poisoning & sand-based silicone glue
after I probe your ****** like an obstetrician whose patients are few
in number & big in faulty mitral valves that render normal lips blue
in number & big in prolapsed mitral valves that turn ready lips blue