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May 4 · 45
OUR BED-BLED LOVE
She tried to ****** me when I wasn't looking and a little bit when
I was. Our love for each other was so warmly affectionate and
affectionately warm that when she ordered me
to climb down off her *** I did so eagerly.
Well, of course, I'm no Dalton Trumbo, but I'll give it the old college try. Great. You'll need to limit blood-flow to the back where the nerves are clustered. Okay. What about the anterior fallopioids? Well since ๐˜ง๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ด isn't a word, I suggest that you concern yourself with the uterine tubes or oviducts. Alright already! Climb down off my ***!
The waves pushed ******* Cody and Bosie to end their forbidden love through drowning. "Cody! Quickly! Before the waves get me! Use the crate of vibrators as a raft!" Bosie ordered because he almost got into the army once. "Okay!" Cody answered as a row of brutal waves stripped him of his underpants. "My underpants are gone for good," he lamented while preparing the crate of vibrators. Later, after the waves stopped coming, each man thanked God and told God to tell Jesus who was out of town at the time.
Did you see that ***** movie a long time ago about Julia Roberts
falling in love with a ****** who inserts gerbils up his ****?
Me neither. It looks pretty good though. Maybe I'll see it
one day after I have exploratory brain surgery.
It didn't take long for Wally to fall for 2 big-*****/water-retaining
Siamese twin women with horrifying glandular problems.
"Hey, ******! Look what I got! 800 pounds of twin
lusciousness!" Later, after ****** puked
awhile, Wally ran off to Bermuda with
Clarence "Lumpy" Rutherford.
Leave It to ****** is an American television sitcom that follows the misadventures of a suburban boy, his family and his friends. It starred Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow and Jerry Mathers.

CBS first broadcast the show on October 4, 1957, but dropped it after one season. ABC picked it up and aired it for another five years, from October 2, 1958, to June 20, 1963. It proved to be a scheduling challenge for both networks, moving through four time slots (Wednesday through Saturday evenings) over the course of its run.[1] The series was produced by Gomalco Productions from 1957 to 1961, and then by Kayro Productions from 1961 to 1963. It was distributed by ***** Studios.

While Leave It to ****** never broke into the Nielsen Ratings top 30 in its six-season run, it proved to be much more popular in reruns. It also led to an unsuccessful 1997 film of the same name.

Premise
The show is built around young Theodore "******" Cleaver (Jerry Mathers) and the trouble he gets himself into while navigating an often-incomprehensible, sometimes illogical world. Supposedly, when he was a baby, his older brother Wallace "Wally" (Tony Dow) mispronounced "Theodore" as "Tweedor". Their firm-but-loving parents, Ward (Hugh Beaumont) and June Cleaver (Barbara Billingsley), felt "******" sounded better. Conversely, Mathers has said that the real reason for the name "******" is that one of the show's writers, Joe Connelly, had a shipmate named "The ******" in World War II; from that came the family's name, "Cleaver."[2]

******'s friends include the perpetually apple-munching Larry Mondello (Rusty Stevens) in the early seasons, and, later, Gilbert Bates (Stephen Talbot), as well as the old firefighter, Gus (Burt Mustin). His sweet-natured-but-no-nonsense elementary school teachers are Miss Canfield (to whom ****** declares his love in the episode entitled "******'s Crush") (Diane Brewster), Miss Landers (Sue Randall) and Mrs. Rayburn (Doris Packer), the school's principal. In the early seasons, ******'s nemesis in class is Judy Hensler (Jeri Weil).

In its first season, Wally was in eighth grade and 12 years old, while ****** was 7 and in second grade, a five-year age difference; in real life, the two actors were only three years apart. By the series' end, the boys were inexplicably only four years apart, with Wally graduating from high school and ****** graduating from grammar school. Wally is popular with both peers and adults, getting into trouble much less frequently than some of the other characters. He letters in three sports. He has little difficulty attracting girlfriends, among them Mary Ellen Rogers (Pamela Baird) and Julie Foster (Cheryl Holdridge). His pals include the awkward Clarence "Lumpy" Rutherford (Frank Bank) and smart aleck Eddie Haskell (Ken Osmond), the archetype of the two-faced wise guy, a braggart among his peers and an obsequious yes man to the adults he mocks behind their backs. Eddie often picks on the ******.

The family lives in the fictional town of Mayfield. ****** attends Grant Ave. Grammar School and Wally attends Mayfield High School (after graduating from Grant Ave. in season one).
Just in case you want to sue let me correct failing parts of your face
with injectable botulism food poisoning & sand-based silicone glue
after I probe your ****** like an obstetrician whose patients are few
in number & big in faulty mitral valves that render normal lips blue
in number & big in prolapsed mitral valves that turn ready lips blue
on O.P.M., *****, oh *** hem, Opie stem, spiced in scale-red stew
cooked by nit-wits psychologically dim-witted by the Nancy School
way back when being that way was the way that kings chose to rule
as thrills evaporated in watery places & pushy ditzes had much pull
May 2 · 27
A GENTLE WIND
BLEW THROUGH
THE ***** HOUSE

cooling the sweaty ******. Agnes, a youthful ***** and ex-lesbian
in her fifties, counted coins on the floor while Tammy, also an ex-
lesbian, took a penicillin capsule "just in case." Business was
definitely off, probably because of the new ***** house across the
street that featured free ice cream. "We should have free ice cream,"
Agnes said to no ***** in particular. "Shut up you dumb *****,"
Tammy growled like she didn't like Agnes, not even a little bit.
Do you self-love yourself more than twice a week? Can you self-love yourself without batteries? Can an ex-lesbian enjoy the pleasures of self-love at a lesbian convention? Will you take your wig off so I can see your 666 birthmark? โ€‹โ€‹I guess your wig isn't coming off then?
May 2 · 47
THE POPE BUSINESS
And then to demonstrate humbleness and humility, the pope concludes the service by wiping the *** of a beggar. What? He finishes by wiping a beggar's ***. I don't think so. He has to. No, no, no! He doesn't wipe a beggar's ***. He washes his feet. That's dumb! I don't see how the pope shows humility by washing his own feet. Not ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต *******! The feet of a beggar! Oh?! And then after washing the beggar's feet he wipes the beggar's ***?! No! He does not wipe the beggar's ***! He only washes the feet! Honestly, I don't know where you get your info! A Catholic girl told me that the pope wipes a lot of *****, and I believe her because she wanted to become a nun and practice wiping ***** herself. She wiped mine twice for fifteen dollars. You're a ******!
Becky's 17-inch growth-spurt troubled me so last night, as she slept, I surgically removed her pituitary gland to check hormone levels. Normal. That's a relief. "Honey, I dreamed you performed surgery on me," she blurted. We both laughed, me not so convincingly. "I must tell you, I removed your pituitary gland last night," I admitted. Surprisingly, she was not surprised. "I suspected as much. Well? What did you find?" She asked sincerely. "You're normal," I reported. "Good. You know I trust you. Will you be surgically removing my other organs in the near future?" She asked between sips of tea. "Yes, but only because I deeply care about you," I replied.
Free oak firewood with bowel movement. Now performing: Frankie
Valli & the Four Bowel Movements! Cat needs good home with
bowel movement. Vote for Donald F. Bowel Movement. Only
you can prevent forest-bowel-movement fires. Tonight on
channel 4 it's ๐˜›๐˜ณ๐˜ถ๐˜ฆ ๐˜‰๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ ๐˜”๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜Ž๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ต starring John
Bowel Movement Wayne & Glen Campbell. Em-
ployees must wash hands during
bowel movement.
Which brother of the famous Osmond Brothers is the
most mentally *******? If you guessed Merrill
you would be right, followed by Jay and Alan.
I was married to a fireman for 56 years and he was very attentive. I agree Shirley, my husband was a fireman, and he always knew how to douse my womanly desires. My fireman boyfriend would grab me like a **** and make sweet love to me for hours and hours until I was totally worn out. One day, while I was eating a cookie, my fireman lover cornered me behind a dump truck and for the next 3 minutes we enjoyed the pleasures of ****** ******* together and with his brother.
May 1 · 21
THE ALASKAN MYSTERY
In northern Canada, every time a girl scout dies of old age a cookie is shot up into the sky. In Alaska nobody cares because they hate girl scouts a lot. My friend is a girl scout and while she was in Alaska a polar bear tried to eat her. Fortunately, she had a sword and cut its testicles off.
May 1 · 26
THE DAY JESUS DIED
I'll never forget the day Jesus died even if I live a long time. We were watching ๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜™๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜š๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜š๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ when reporter Eric Sevareid cut in: "Jesus has been crucified." My mother, who was very religious, cried: "I can't believe it! Who would do such a thing?!"; "I'll bet it was the Romans," Dad opined. "Me too," I said because dad was usually right about such things: political assassinations, economic issues, trade sanctions, etcetera.
WIKI: The Corwin Amendment was a proposed constitutional amendment that would have prevented the federal government from interfering with slavery in states where it already existed. Proposed by Ohio Representative Thomas Corwin in 1861, it was a last-ditch effort to avert the Civil War and preserve the Union. While passed by Congress, it was never ratified by the states.
It's a sledge-hammer, not a birth-control device Tanya! You can't pull rabbits out of a hat that weren't there to begin with! Here, take this lawn mower blade and tuck it into your bikini ******* like men in England did with swords a long time ago before lunch boxes were invented and chant: "Starsky and Hutch! Starsky and Hutch!" till your bra rots off.

๏ฝ‚๏ฝ…๏ฝƒ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ…ใ€€๏ฝƒ๏ฝˆ๏ฝ‰๏ฝŒ๏ฝ„๏ฝ’๏ฝ…๏ฝŽใ€€๏ฝ๏ฝ†ใ€€๏ผง๏ฝ๏ฝ„๏ผŒใ€€
๏ผฉ๏ผ‡๏ฝŒ๏ฝŒใ€€๏ฝˆ๏ฝ๏ฝ–๏ฝ…ใ€€๏ฝ๏ฝ™ใ€€๏ฝ•๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ…๏ฝ’ใ€€
๏ฝ”๏ฝ…๏ฝ…๏ฝ”๏ฝˆใ€€๏ฝ†๏ฝ‰๏ฝ˜๏ฝ…๏ฝ„๏ผŽ
Apr 30 · 26
OPRAH SHAVES HERSELF
WHERE EX-LESBIANS
CAN SEE HER!

It was a hot day, and Oprah was ******-out after a long squawk.
Her front legs were numb from kicking Haitians in the *** for
three hours, the ones who got in her way. Finally, it was
time to go on television and lie like an eyewitness.
"Here's my book of the month!" She pro-
claimed, a book that was ham
sandwich-shaped so
she could eat
it later.
What a pig!
She'll eat
anything!
Apr 30 · 49
IN REMEMBRANCE
OF THE RIVER THAT FLOWS
UNDER PITTSBURGHย ย 

Pedro loved Paco but Paco was an ex-homosexual. "Why are you
no longer a homosexual?" Pedro begged to know but Paco
wouldn't say because he didn't speak English. "Answer
me!" Pedro demanded because he was an entitled
border-jumper, but still Paco said nothing.
Finally, after 34 months of asking the
same question, Pedro learned
Spanish in a hurry,
but it didn't
do any
good
because
Paco quickly
went completely
deaf and his **** *****
fell off because it was fake.
Each time Mary would bend over in black
bikini ******* Dan would smile because
he knew that after his promotion he'd
have enough money to buy black
bikini ******* for himself, so he
wouldn't have to waste valuable
time looking at her anymore.
Apr 30 · 40
Among the Haitians...
WHY DID JOHN LENNON HATE JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES SO MUCH? John Lennon was a complex man who enjoyed Japanese women and writing catchy songs for the Beatles. One day, in 1977, a young Jehovah's Witness approached him with a bag of money. Lennon grabbed the money and ran off into the night, never to be seen again. Three years later Yoko Ono (his wife) found him in Afghanistan living in a van down by the river. John was adamant about remaining where he was and threw raw carp at Yoko until she was covered by so many that her tail fins became inflamed. Emergency carp-woman surgery was performed, and her back legs were shortened. After 3 weeks she was in the water again, swimming with several dozen Japanese carp sisters. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, young Julian F. Lennon, Junior was infecting himself with genital ****** for some reason. Yoko blamed prime war minister Hideki Tojo, and everyone kissed everyone till they fell asleep, only to awaken 56 hours later in the future with no clothes on, on a beach somewhere in Haiti among many pocket-picking Negroes.
Apr 30 · 30
A TOILET TOO FAR AWAY
made messing up the floor probable (even likely). "It can't be done," youthful cadet Jimmy Carter said a hundred years before crapping-out because he was insane. Nobody doubts that, not even people who usually would; people who eat dirt cookies in Haiti and rinse their calf muscles with white gas (also known as Coleman fuel). ******* pagans! Saying bad stuff about Jesus! They ought to be ashamed! Hanged upside down on a cross and set ablaze!
Apr 30 · 29
HOLLOW CRUNCH LAND
HOW TO STRAIGHTEN CROOKED TEETH ON YOUR OWN (1) Firmly grasp the offending tooth with pliers and gently twist it till it's in perfect alignment. (2) Tap nearby teeth with a wooden mallet to "encourage" them to return to a position that would please God. (3) Inform a fat woman that gluttony is sinful.

HOW TO ADMIT TO YOURSELF THAT YOU DON'T LOVE WOMEN AS MUCH AS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE THEM - Women are not like you and me: they're really tall (over 9 feet) and have extra molecules that allow them to stay underwater for months on end. Some women have developed mind-reading techniques that force them to memorize the Bible in 3 minutes with no mistakes. Other women from Mongol territories are strong enough to lift dozens of midgets over their heads like they're Arnold Stallone or Sylvester Schwarzenegger or something.
makes me wanna die like a fruit fly on fly-blown paper. She's got a **** that won't stop shaking when she's making fake love with my dumb cousin whose foul mouth's forever cussin.' Oh, delicious Abba woman, I'll love you till you crap-out in God's sweet kingdom of Sweden, three miles east of Eden.
"ษช สŸษชแด‹แด‡ แด›แด แดกแด€x แดส แด„แด€ส€ส€แดแด› ส™ส แดส๊œฑแด‡สŸ๊œฐ แดกสœแด‡ษด ษดแดส™แดแด…ส'๊œฑ แด›แด€แด‹ษชษดษข แด˜ษชแด„แด›แดœส€แด‡๊œฑ แด๊œฐ แดแด‡!"
แด‹สสŸแด‡ ๊œฑษดแด€แด˜แด˜แด‡แด… แด€ษดษขส€ษชสŸส แด€แด› สœษช๊œฑ ๊œฑแด‡แด„แดษดแด… แด„แดแดœ๊œฑษชษด ษชษดษขส€ษชแด… แดกสœแด แด‡ษดแดŠแดสแด‡แด… ๊œฐแด€แดษชสŸส-
ส€แด‡แดœษดษชแดษด แด˜ษชแด„ษดษชแด„๊œฑ, แด„แดแด‹แด‡ แดษชxแด‡แด… แดกษชแด›สœ แด˜แด‡แด˜๊œฑษช, แด€ษดแด… แดแด€ส€ษชแด›แด€สŸ แด€แด…แด ษชแด„แด‡ ๊œฐส€แดแด แด„แดแดแดษชแด‡๊œฑ.
"แด€สŸส€ษชษขสœแด›! แด€สŸส€ษชษขสœแด›! แด„สŸษชแดส™ แด…แดแดกษด แด๊œฐ๊œฐ แดส ๊œฐส€แด‡แด„แด‹สŸแด‡แด… ส™แดœแด แด„สœแด‡แด‡แด‹๊œฑ!" ๊œฑสœแด‡ ๊œฑษดแด€แด˜แด˜แด‡แด…
ส™แด€แด„แด‹ สŸษชแด‹แด‡ ๊œฑสœแด‡ แดกแด€๊œฑ แด›สœแด‡ สแดแดœษดษขแด‡ส€ ๊œฑษช๊œฑแด›แด‡ส€ แด๊œฐ แด›สœแด€แด› ส™สŸแดษดแด…แด‡ แด„สœษชแด„แด‹ ๊œฐส€แดแด แด€ส™ส™แด€.
My grandfather chose cremation, and he regretted it for the rest of
his life. He said: "The guy from the cremation company was so
persuasive that I signed up for cremation without questioning
him. It was awful! I still have a scar on my left food from a
ghastly burn. I don't advocate cremation for anyone."
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