On a blind date Brunch Girl and Supper Boy toured the White House with a mutual friend called Snack Dude. Well, one thing led to another thing and S.D. (Snack Dude) and B.G. (Brunch Girl) began making out under the president's desk. "What's going on under there?" A grumpy security guard asked. "Nothing that you could handle grandpa!" S.D. exclaimed like a pushy bra salesman.

All of my snowy yesterdays will become radiation-sickness tomorrows. I hate you and so does my brother. Go away. Don't come back. You stole my dog's flea collar. Now look at him. He's more flea than dog, like that "singer" of the same name.

She was holding steady at 40 pounds per square inch at sea level, but that wasn't ideal, so I used a simple American thread adapter (rather than metric) to lift her to 45 p.s.i. Dan says he's got his granny set at 51 and she hasn't split apart or exploded so far. I'll just cross my fingers and hope for the best on this one, I guess.

A MOUNTAIN OF DREAMS - After utilizing a Russian ******* amputation kit, my ex-boyfriend Edward climbed the tallest mountain in Ohio with his ex-homosexual pal Marvin, whose testicles had been chewed off by a rabid antelope when he was 37. The weather was nice till a horrifying snow storm rolled in. "My testicles are freezing!" Ed exclaimed to the amazement of Marvin who didn't have any testicles either. Later, after consummating their mountainous friendship, God killed both of them.

Molly baited her hook of attractiveness with a tight bra that accentuated her **** *******. One day, while she was shoveling dog **** into a bucket, Lloyd appeared. "Why do you spell your name with two A's?" She asked innocently in a **** way. "It's Lloyd not Aaron you dumb *****!" Lloyd angrily replied.

are made for armless women. "I need a coat," Joan said, "but I don't need one with sleeves because I'm armless." Bob smiled a big one. "This is a good day to be armless Joan because I sell sleevelesss winter coats." Joan smiled back with her **** teeth showing off a dazzling smile. "Why'd you spell 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 with an extra S on the end?" She asked. "Don't mess with me Joan because I have arms to fight you with!" Bob exclaimed angrily.

Tanya's tiny bone structure was great for hiding between sacks of flour at her uncle's waffle restaurant. One day, while her uncle was having a convulsion, Tanya trimmed her toe nails with a waffle-cutting knife. She looked fabulous! Tony, a local wino, noticed immediately and asked Tanya what her secret was. "Total abstinence from sexlessness," she answered while large portions of her ***** tingled, along with 1 ***** (the right one was paralyzed from a yacht-racing accident when she was 19).

Florida is a death-trap! Last year a hurricane swept through killing almost everybody. The few survivors clawed their way from under piles of dead bodies to crawl to the flooded streets where alligators were waiting to eat them. One man valiantly fought back to no avail. Several days later he was excreted as alligator **** from the dank bowels of these Satanic butchering machines.

"One ****** butter and deli sandwich please," Tammy ordered at the window. "Right away," Lynn said, a moment before ripping her pet ******'s chest open with a machete. "The people who run this place are violent," John commented, just before ordering a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich. "I know that's right," young Tyrone agreed a week after escaping from jail.

Even though he was short Toby loved May, a tall woman who had a seamless cranium. Medicalists were awe-struck and dumb-struck by her skull and its permanent oneness. "Your head is a miracle," a neighbor with empyema and emphysema noted on the back of his *** with a crayon.

You’re a bi-****** as a oneself & you’re able to impregnate yourself
without humpin’ your 2-ton mommy or her **** we all call Tommy
whose crucifixion complex could toss Jesus off His divine golf cart
before the Holy Ghost from our Trinity’s Godhead decides to depart
so as to be a ****** Cairo, Egypt Great Pyramid lab-mouse *******
who ain’t scared to hack off his nose to live as a big-mouth breather
Regardin’ some people, you can tune a guitar but you can’t tuna fish
with Bob Stack’s hay stack needle tugged from the *** of Lilly Gish
moments before she received her Hershey Highway back-door wish
without the hot dog bun, horse radish cream sauce & chutney relish
Michael Robinson’s ***** is intact after cosmetical lifts quite shady,
to become Michelle Obama: the 1st guy to be America’s First Lady,
with 2 breast implants, an inflamed Adam’s apple & a *** prostate
that Barry Soetoro strokes for Hillary Clinton, ex-Secretary of State
who scissors Huma ****** early, to munch Abedin’s fur-burger late
in the rockin’-chair posture that for this gay muffler sits automatical
like environmental pneumonia that is treated as non-opportunistical
When your head’s cold & painful hourly it’s blue lid con blah clock,
the first time large sodomites pork you as that new kid on the block
while your ** pigs out on ham sandwiches like lard-*** Mama Cass
you feel the bed-******’ urge to yell “Shut up ***** it’s Christ Mass!”
Slow down in slight places, you O.J. Hertz Rent a Car lobby jogger
because no hobbyest, steady at wobbling, loves a star hobby hogger
when pine knobs in the drain will work as a bad-*** knobby clogger
*** **** chemists are doing it though they claim it’s not food-grade
the vanilla extract synthesized from cow **** that cools in the shade
No you can’t use them big checks & debit cards before you are paid
while syphilitic trauma rots cortical bark for a butler & his fat maid
whose camaraderie is a syndicated-business-share differential inlaid
After the dog pound gassed my small cats, Jehovah sent me big rats
to tragedize the tragical rat-poisoning deaths of Newkirk belfry bats
in a hamlet what cares not for boys or girls or old women or men or
surgeons who cut Bruce Jenner’s ball vas to make him a loose tenor
All I want for Xmas is my ***** stomped like ***** Cooley’s wife,
till there ain’t no ***** dope-dealin’ left in my *****’s doped-up life
for burn-unit help in cooling the cauterization of pyrophorical strife
that’s more back-stabbin’ friendly than a big sike-a-**** with a knife
I have been critically wounded very mortally by Cupid’s lone arrow
that has cut my ulna arm bone right through its stupid bone marrow
like it broke for ****** sike-a-dikes Bonnie Parker & Clyde Barrow
under the Tommy guns of monkey-****-eating **** Clarence Darrow
who made the widest lanes on the streets of logic illogically narrow
to constrict the spastic free-will of free-wheelin’-sassy Cissy Spacek
with the wish of recreatin’ a Forest Lawn-spazzy Missy encasement

In 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘎𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴, the acclaimed 1985 television comedy series created by Susan Harris, Rose and Blanche are friends. In 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘞𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘑𝘦𝘸, the acclaimed 1844 novel written by Eugène Sue, Rose and Blanche are twins.

Eric wanted to be chest-deep in Tina's personal problems and so he begged her to tell all. "Well," she began, "it started when my mother was a German prisoner during the war in Siberia. She was a ***** lass with a gutsy *** and an iron will that was unconquerable. One day, as pigeons were roasting quietly in a barrel, mom pulled out a hand grenade from her bikini briefs. Her jailors were shocked because they were peeing on an electric fence, which negated the need to blow their ***** to hell. This was her opportunity to escape, to make her way north to whatever's north of Siberia which is probably nothing. Days slid by like tuna fish casserole through the intestines of Haitian Negroes till finally she found herself in Alaska sipping rancid wine with Adolf ******'s ex-neighbor's fifth cousin." Eric yawned and keeled over. It was the vaccine. His heart had swollen to thrice its size which is twice plus one. "Darling! Are you alright?!" Tina exclaimed while absent-mindedly removing the money from his wallet. Later it was revealed that "Eric" was a robot, a robot programmed to spread lies about vaccines. Tina laughed when she found out and had to be sedated by a yacht salesman who used to be a ***** and a homosexual.

McDonald's doesn't say *******! and throw your food out the window. They treat you like a valued member of their Big Mac family even though they hate your guts. Like a ****** with no clothes on, your shortness of ***** alarmed the fire chief whose love for micro-level men made Bill Cosby seem unfunnier than he used to be. Oprah bathes in Big Gulp cups, slips right in, since she lost 500 pounds and went from fat to thin. For sure, I'll never dig a hole deep enough to get back from Singapore before world war four shakes the wobbly globe Earth hoax to its fake molten core.

that got swallowed up by the fog, young Tracy Wilkins knew cousin Tim's left nut was abnormally round, after all they had lived together, sharing rat droppings, snoozing in laundry chutes, smacking bruised lips together like hyenas on ******.

HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY FROM NEW JERSEY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GREEN SARGASSO SEA where nobody is, except people in ships, Karen married her ex-lesbian lover Shirley in a civil ceremony by a mermaid dressed as a bishop. Later, after they consummated their marriage with passionate ex-lesbian ***, they threw each other overboard and were never seen again above water because they're now, presumably, living fifty miles below the surface in the Great Underwater Mermaid Kingdom of Ex-Lesbians that's just like Atlantis except with a full ex-lesbian government.