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Jan 5 · 168
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𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲'𝘀 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. 𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗮𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲
𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝘅𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗿. 𝗛𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 & 𝗺𝗲: 𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗹𝘆
𝗯𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗶𝗲𝗰𝗲𝘀. 𝗔𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺
𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝗳𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗱𝗼𝗺-𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲!
Let us relate our police beatings with recollections recounted hazily
while even at 70 Barbi Benton's 32 teeth will fit in her mouth lazily
like 2 cottage-cheese thighs that in her dotage she exposes brazenly
in the company of Hugh Hefner who expends **** broads cravenly
which ain't too much unlike hairy tramps cravin' a clean-shaven me
or needs enumerated by gay coal miners in a coal-mine-cave-in plea
Because not every black lesbian is a connoisseur of elderberry wine
there is chardonnay, Merlot & Syrah for Y.W.C.A. diners who mine
𝗧𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝘂𝗻 & 𝗿𝗲𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴! 𝗔 𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗿-𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝘆𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗶𝗻
𝗮 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲'𝘀 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. 𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗮𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲 𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗻
𝗲𝘅𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗿. 𝗛𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 & 𝗺𝗲: 𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲
𝗽𝗶𝗲𝗰𝗲𝘀. 𝗔𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝗳𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗶𝘀
𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗱𝗼𝗺-𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲! 𝗠𝗲𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗺𝗮𝘀 𝗝𝗲𝘀𝘂𝘀! 𝗜'𝗺 𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘄!!!
Jan 4 · 61
🐘🐘🐘 ½
𝗣𝘂𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗽𝘂𝘀-𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽-𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗮 𝗿𝘂𝘁𝘁-
𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵! 𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗳 𝗱𝗼𝗴 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸, 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗸𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗿, 𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘆 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗽 & 𝘀𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗘𝗻𝗴𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗱, 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗶𝘇𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝗟𝗶𝘇𝘇𝘆, 𝗦𝗮𝘁𝗮𝗻'𝘀 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵.
"𝗜𝗳 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘀 𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴!" 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗮𝗿𝘅𝗶𝘀𝘁 𝗘𝗻𝗴𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗱'𝘀 𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗸
𝗾𝘂𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗯𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘀𝗰𝗲𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗮𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗴𝘂𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗻 𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝟭𝟯
𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗕𝗮𝗹𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗮𝗹, 𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗽 𝗙𝘂𝗹𝘁𝗼𝗻 𝗦𝗵𝗲𝗲𝗻.
You're sitting in a parked car in the Netherlands with a Dutch ***** near a river. She asks for your passport and throws it out the window. You demand to know why she did that and she tells a long story about the uncle who put her through college by giving up cigarettes for 3 years.
Norah was an ex-lesbian and descendant of Noah from the Bible.
She proved this by building a boat in her bath tub. For 40
days her shower ran all day till a bird appeared as a
sign that dry land was nearby. She carefully
waded ashore, confident that God would
provide for her even though she
didn't have a college
degree or anything.
Jan 4 · 38
Denis Hale Johnson
(July 1, 1949 – May 25, 2017)
was an American writer

I asked crapped-out Denis Johnson, the boozin' writer, dwarven elf,
Can't you spell Denis like everybody else? Denis Johnson, silly elf!
Start spelling Denis with 2 n's, like everybody in the world, or else!
Narelle Atkins' book Falling For the Farmer changed my outlook on farmers. I thought that they were all bloated, cow-****-stinking retardates married to toothless crones plagued with sub-clinical glandular abnormalities, syndromic mal-absorbtion complaints & chronic-fluid-retention problems. But, according to "Narelle," farmers can possess good qualities. Indeed, for any broad who'd choose to suffer with endometriosis forever rather than to roll in the hay with an analphabetic, sister-*******, tobacco-chawin' hayseed, this novel will plug (and clog) your barren ports tighter than a Cuban baseball. ¡Viva Fidel y su hermano Raúl más la revolución de Irán! Come on masons: Hurry up & bury Luciferian Billy F. Graham as I can't hold my bowels much longer! Hurry up & plant the self-professed-demon-possessed Robin F. Williams as I won't contain this bladder much longer while queers demand that the perfectly-normal commonweal of Wisconsin change its inoffensive name to Wussconsin.
"No Tasha! You know it's a lie!" Tyrone screamed in the presence of Jamaal, his twin brother. Tasha smiled because Ty was always wigging out for nothing. "Look, I'm confused by the 2 of you. Are you lovers or just students of gynecology?" Jamaal asked in a serious tone. "I'm a woman and I have the genitalia that defines the purpose of gynecological study and I think we should all just cool off in a hot tub with our clothes off," Tasha concluded. "Okay, okay, you win," Vivian whined while removing her bikini *******. Later it was revealed that Tyrone and Jamaal were in fact Siamese twins joined at the ****. "That's why neither of you have ever accepted my invitation to go bowling!" Tasha exclaimed while inserting a gerbil or a hamster up her big ****-opening.
The album "Abbey Road" by the Beatles features 2 Pauls on its
cover. The second Paul appears off in the distance between
Ringo Starr & John Lennon. His name is Paul Cole. He
died on February 13, 2008 at 96 in Pensacola, Florida.
"You'll never catch me!" Monica boasted as she self-dragged her lard *** across the street to Monica Bay. "Get her!" Police chief Wilkins yelled through the bull horn, even though it was too late because the bomb that Monica had inserted into the gerbil that Wilkins had inserted up his *** for ****** gratification was set to explode in 4 seconds. No one in town blamed Monica for the tragedy because exploding ****** gerbils were common in that part of Ohio and several Ohio police chiefs had died the week before from the same thing. "The exploding ****** gerbil problem has gotten out of hand!" Doris *** Plunge wrote on the wall of a Texaco men's room stall 13 weeks earlier but no one cared because she was from southwest Indiana where lots of ex-lesbians lived mega-quiet lives of ****** desperation.
Ken kept his used chemicals in used chemical tanks till **** Kelly showed him a better way. "Here," she motioned towards her *****, "is where the action is." Ken didn't know what to say because he thought that the first sentence coming after 𝑲𝒆𝒏 𝒌𝒆𝒑𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍 𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒔 𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒆𝒙𝒚 𝑲𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒂 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒚 would be about chemicals.
John Wayne Mixson (June 16, 1922 – July 8, 2020) served as the 12th lieutenant governor of Florida from 1979 to 1987, and as the 39th 𝗴𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗼𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗙𝗹𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗮 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 in January 1987.

Kenneth Hood "Buddy" MacKay, Jr. (March 22, 1933 – December 31, 2024) served as the 42nd 𝗴𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗼𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗙𝗹𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗮 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗗𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟭𝟮, 𝟭𝟵𝟵𝟴, 𝘁𝗼 𝗝𝗮𝗻𝘂𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝟱, 𝟭𝟵𝟵𝟵, upon the death of Lawton Chiles.

John Milton (April 20, 1807 – April 1, 1865) was governor of Florida through most of the American Civil War. In his final message to the state legislature as the war was ending, he declared that death would be preferable to reunion with the North. 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, his son Jefferson Davis Milton was a toddler.
Jan 3 · 27
THE CIRCUS
Tammy's classical beauty made Tina & Tanya so jealous that each of them had several cosmetic surgeries to uplift their jowls and nether regions and *****. "I can't see the man getting hit by the cannon ball!" Tanya exclaimed in a panic at the circus that was being held to raise money to fight crippled children. "Your labial lips have been lifted too high," Tina replied.
𝗜 𝗽𝗶𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂
𝘀𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗲
𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗮 𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗹𝗲𝘀
𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗳𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘀 𝗺𝘆 𝟯𝟲 𝗻𝗲𝗰𝗸-𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗲𝘀
Jan 3 · 36
(-_-)
We shared something,
something special!
Diphtheria.
Yes, okay,
diphtheria.
Jan 3 · 52
KING CHARLES
AND HIS REGAL GLAND

Every man wants to have a prostate examination with King
Charles. Imagine the thrill of it all! Sitting there with a
dumb, ****** look on your face as a doctor slips on
gloves to probe your pimply ***. Fantastic!
Jan 3 · 71
3 men at a picnic
See 𝙉𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙀𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙏𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙨𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘽𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙡 𝙈𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 starring Fred Bowel Movement as Max Shield, with Julian Lennon, Junior as Wick Henderson. Trouble is a 4-letter word for Max as he barely learns how to understand "a real woman" (played by Link O. Ventilator). "Do you know what it's like to love 3 men at a picnic after the baked beans are gone?" Miss V asks Max, who's practically dead by this time. "I loved the movie, especially the brief parts with Julian Lennon, Junior." - Coal Fixture (art critic)
Let God lengthen and straighten it (before it's too late)! Of what benefit is this curvature that allows you to point to Mexico when you're facing Canada? Does it make peeing around corners easier? Does it push mosquitos off their flight paths? Pray for divine intervention.
Jan 2 · 52
w҉r҉o҉n҉g҉e҉r҉
“If you'll trust me just once I won't have to
buy a second pregnancy test,” I informed.
   “I will. Besides, in the end, it'll all be
worth it, the ointment – everything.”
𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐄 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐓: Walking around all day with their
big ***** hanging out! It's like they're crazy or something! Some-
thing awkward, something in the night that's gone wrong,
𝒘𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 than normal, more normal
than what's wrongful.
Jan 2 · 67
[at the same time]
The government: a baby is a baby sometimes. A man is a woman and a woman is a man or both or neither or today but not tomorrow...or at the same time which is simultaneously and concurrently in an indirectly direct way or vicky-verky.
"vicky-verky" is a British slang for "vice versa"
My uncle was unemployed for 5 weeks before he became jobless.
Where is he now? Dead. Dead drunk. He's a dipsomaniac who
loves lesbian dance class. Why is he like this? I don't know.
I've taken him to every gas station in the
county and still he won't stop.
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