Jack was a crippled alcoholic whose mother was in the Mafia.
One day there was a crippling explosion at the artificial-
leg factory. Several able-bodied men lost their legs.
Fortunately for them they had fake legs at home, so
it didn't matter. Jack's mother ordered her Mafia
pals to help. Many people were executed,
execution-style. It was a bad
day to be a homosexual.

ɪ ꜱᴀɪᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴍᴏɴᴋᴇʏ.

----------------------------------

PEACE AMONGST MONKEYS - In A.D. 1876: A CANNIBALISTIC TRIBE OF VICIOUS EX-LESBIANS invaded the palace of the Canadian queen and her pock-marked boyfriend. Their demands were simple: (1) submit to the local ex-lesbian code of conduct (2) forfeit all pseudo- and quasi-lesbian activities for ninety days (3) repent before the altar of pope Saint Joan. THE OUTCOME: The queen refused and was cooked over an open flame. Her freckle-free flesh was described as "tasting like Cornish game hen..."

Where the tees are like jays and the kays are like ems and the
zees look like esses, I will topple kingdoms & dynasties
before correcting a trillion Catholic school messes.

♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿
Red is so great! It reminds me of pink as it is reminiscent of orange
the off-red color. I killed my sister because she married my brother,
if not for love, then it must have been for some stupid reason other.
♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿
♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿♿

Whitney Houston could've saved oodles of ******* money wasted on
skin bleach by dropping the N letter and becoming Whitey Houston.

ᵂᴴᴱᴿᴱ ᴳᴼᴰ ᴬᵀᵀᴬᶜᴴᴱᴰ Bₒₜₕ ᴷᴺᴱᴱˢ

I felt a neighbor's loving embrace after winning the
marathonic marathon race. It was just like last
week again: 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘯 with a neighborly friend.

Dec. 6, 2014 – She was just three years old when she walked onto the S.S. Eastland and into Chicago history. She survived the capsizing on the Chicago River, between Clark and LaSalle Streets, that claimed 844 lives and she went on to live another 99 years.

Marion A. Eichholz was the last known survivor of the 1915 Eastland disaster. She died on November 24 at age 102.

On July 24, 1915, Marion and her parents were on the upper deck of the Eastland when it listed, causing her to fall against a railing. Her mother, Anna, pulled her back and as passengers started to panic, Marion’s father, Fred, picked her up, stepped onto the railing and jumped into the river. Holding Marion in one arm, he swam to a nearby tugboat.

When the Eastland rolled over, her mother floated into the water and was rescued when someone threw her a rope.

strange bio-chemical alterations caused her to order two airplane
seats. Every 500 miles her blubber folded over and required
kneading. Once that was finished, spongy tuna-can-shaped
pustules formed on fellow passengers till the aircraft
tilted dangerously upwards forcing outer space travel.

(𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝘂𝗻𝗰𝘁 𝗧.𝗩. 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝙈𝙮 𝙏𝙝𝙧𝙚𝙚 𝙎𝙤𝙣𝙨)

“Chip!” Ernie bellowed.; “What do you want you stupid, *******?!” Chip answered; “Who are you calling a stupid, *******?! You're the real stupid, *******, not me!” Ernie exclaimed.; “Oh yeah?!” Chip questioned.; “I'm not half the stupid, ******* that you are!” Ernie informed.; “Yes, you are!” Chip retorted.; “No, I'm not!” Ernie indignantly replied.; “I say you are!” Chip boldly proclaimed.; “No way am I a stupid, *******!” Ern, as he was hardly ever called, reasoned.; “Listen,” Chip began in earnest, “it's no secret around here, and you can ask Uncle Charley, that you are the dumbest and the stupidest ******* ever!”; Ernie stood up and faced Chip. “Well,” he began frankly, “Uncle Charley is senile so he's not able to judge who's the stupidest ******* here!”
   Just then Rob, played by Don Grady, came in. “Hey Chip. Hey Ernie.”; “Hey Robbie,” Chip muttered. “Who's the stupidest *******: me or stupid, ******* Ernie?”; Rob put down the shoe box that he was carrying. “I guess Ernie is.”; “Thanks, Robbie,” Chip thanked Rob, thoroughly relieved because the issue of who is the stupidest of dumb *****, he or Ernie, was settled once and for all even though one must use stupider as the comparative (comparing 2) & stupidest as a superlative (comparing 3 or more); even though stupider & stupidest ain't even proper words.

COCOA PUFFS SPRIGHTLY,
**** THE URGE NIGHTLY
Down at the river under a bridge
I fell in love with governor Tommy Ridge
His anals were cold, off-putting & tragical
unlike his knobs that were Walter Disney magical
We fell in deep love and we couldn't look back
because his knees were out-swollen by his old scrotal sac
One day we'll conceive 19 children when hoes ain't hooking
in the kitchen of hot loving where we enjoy ****** cooking
with Pinays from Cebu who are better-than-average looking

In northern Canada, every time a girl scout dies of old age a cookie is shot up into the sky. In Alaska nobody cares because they hate girl scouts a lot. My friend is a girl scout and while she was in Alaska a polar bear tried to eat her. Fortunately, she had a sword and cut its testicles off.