ERNEST BORGNINE'S LEGACY [I shall out-love everybody until there's nobody left.] For 38 years Becky wanted to smell like someone else when finally the opportunity came for her to smell like Ernest Borgnine's wife by using an excitingly-new perfume. One evening at an elegant dinner party several wealthy women complimented Becky's scent. "Darling, I know the Borgnines and you smell like one of them!" Becky was so proud that she wrote to Ernest: "Dear Ernest: Smelling like you or your wife has elevated me in various social circles. I can now mingle freely with others who have chosen (without coercion) to carry the scent of your family and for that I'm immeasurably grateful. Lovingly yours, your smell-alike amiga Becky." 2 weeks later Becky received the Borgnine family reply from Ernie: "Becky, I wish that I could smell you but alas I'm in Hollywood starring in an important movie about World War 2. Please accept this 1-gallon jug of Ernest Borgnine's Midnight Seduction Perfume. Your friend, Ernie." Becky was elated. Her prayer request to smell like a Hollywood movie star (or his wife) had been granted. Now she could attend Catholic mass like a real woman, one who smelled important; one whose scent bespoke of triumph & recognition. From that day until her tragic death in a gator-feeding mishap, Becky held firmly to her convictions which served her financially. Becky's Tuba Polish became the standard tuba polish for every Moslem woman over 50 in Sumatra, Indonesia.
Enraged by smallish Negroes with large butts that betrayed God's original design, Ernie Borgnine applied copious amounts of perfume to his groin and other "problem" areas. "That ought to make England's queen take note," he muttered to Jeff Higgins, his trusted homosexual lover & Boy Scout big-wig. "Let's go Jeff!" Ernie barked because there was 500 miles of rough road to cross before Russia would be in view. "Jeff, take my *****," Ernie whispered moments after they entered the ***** house which was in shambles from World War 2 activities. "Hello, I'm Ernesto Borgino and I'm here for a *******. Do you have one with red hair?" Suddenly, like a huge **** from a swollen ******, there was an explosive disruption from the *** Room. "Jesus Winston Churchill! What was that?!" Jeff begged to find out. "Nothing to be concerned about Jeffy! Now give me back my *****!" Ernie exclaimed.