"Are you **** Pleasureman's wife, Sandy?" A **** Pleasureman fan begged to know. "Yes, I am," Sandy replied automatically, if not robotically. "I've just read 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘈𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘞𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘎𝘰𝘵 𝘙𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘍𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘗𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘯 and it was great!" The fan proclaimed fanatically. "You're very kind," Sandy replied warmly. "**** will be pleased." Later that day Sandy met **** at the bowling alley for lunch even though neither of them bowled except when forced to at gun-point by international terrorists.

CALLING ALL MOCKERS AND DREAMERS AND CAULKERS AND REAMERS! Driven by untamed desires, young Richard Burton bled his last rat and ran from the coal mine like a Gypsy with a head wound. His brothers chased after him, slinging ***** nuts & shoe inserts till they grew more tiredly useless than a fly swatter lost in ice water. "I'll marry a fat woman, fatter than Liz Taylor before crapping out at 58!" Richard exclaimed like he was totally deluded.

Prostitutional services are going up in price because of free trade agreements and many mothers are bending to the decrease in gainfully-employed Johns. One ****, known as Jamaal "McNig" Jackson, Junior said: "My poor hoes is sufferin'!"

It was May, again, and Henry wanted to go bowling because he liked it. "No bowling for you!" His father exclaimed out of anti-bowling meanness. "Why?!" Henry protested. "Because it's unnatural. If I had been bowling before you were born, I could've met a beautiful woman who owns a bowling alley and ran off to Yugoslavia with her. And then where would you be? Unconceived that's where!"

DON'T JUST DON'T! Our romance was like an apple tree in an avalanche with artificial monkeys in it. We kissed too soon at your mother's funeral when everyone was watching us. That's why I can never look at a dead crone again with the same lust and desire.

I'll never ever forget the times I spent with important people; people whose wealth & prominence made them the talk of society. I had the distinct honor of sharing intimacies with everyone who mattered to anyone. 1 day, when Queen Liz was sponge-bathing me, there was an important telegraph from the emperor of Argentina urging me to visit the palace right away. I swatted Liz on the *** playfully. “Fetch my Volkswagen!” I ordered. “I'm going to the capital city of Argentina right now!”

Using 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 for 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘵 and 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘵 for 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 -That night the snow fell on my log cabin by the ton, fortunately I had a thick grandmother to cover up with. Later, I tossed my grandmother into the washing machine and cooked breakfast for my blanket.

The large shed out back provides ample storage space for stuff you bought and for stuff you shoplifted. The bathroom has a toilet for quiet nights of pooping alone or with your neighbor. You'll find a small kitchen near the door where people can be cooked if you're like Jeffrey Dahmer and eat people. There's no garage but you can park your car under a big oak tree that's been struck by lightning and's about to fall over and smash any car under it. There's a nest of rats under the porch but don't worry because the snakes will get them.

The mouthful of marbles made Tina's mouth bulge. Kenny saw it and tried to **** her. "You don't have to **** me because I got marbles in my mouth!" She exclaimed after spitting them out. A month later the ****** Clinic on Pine Boulevard offered free breast reduction surgery to all Mexicans over 50.

at the transition station: cars were charging, ex-lesbians were "girling it up" like Jesus was flying in in an hour. "How does my hair look?" Faye asked Donna. "Pretty," she said, even though she was lying out her ***.

and found several mistakes. On page seven you wrote that Bosie's death was from a 𝘤𝘢𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘩 instead of a 𝘤𝘢𝘳 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘩, and on page fifty you spelled 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘱 in 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘱-𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘬𝘢𝘯𝘬 with a K, and on the last page you wrote 𝘴𝘦𝘹 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺-𝘩𝘰𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴 instead of 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴.

PREPARING FOR THE INEVITABLE! What to do if the pope dies in your double-wide trailer: (1) Remain calm. Panicking will not help. (2) Place the corpse on the floor and cover it with a rug or blanket. Do not use one that's grey! (3) Contact a local priest or bishop (if available) and inform him in English that the pope has crapped-out in your trailer (give him the trailer court's Vatican code). (4) Do not remove jewelry (or snip off a wee bit of the pope's toe, finger, earlobe, nose-tip or *****) as a souvenir or keep-sake! (5) Place a Bible under the cadaver's head instead of a pillow.

I feel more typically girly than I typically do, must be the concentrated rat manure. It's better folded back unless you have diminished hearing in your right ear. How's that? Better. Don't bend it that way. I learned that you should never bend it that way in gynecology college. I can't because it sticks to the roof of my mouth like peanut butter. But even so: it's a great time to be a homosexual.

while the surgeon sewed it back on. Mary was sedated, of course, and didn't feel a thing because she was an unfeeling idiot who hated everybody. Later, after the hand was functional, she became a nun and prayed constantly to Jesus, especially at night when He was all ears.

Toby on 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘍𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘦 won so much money that Vanna White ovulated. "Holy God!" A nearby pope exclaimed like he was possessed by a Mormon. "I'm going to participate in polygamy a lot!" Later that year he married Siamese twin cousins who were so well connected that they frightened the Mafia.

Long before tires became radial, women without common sense roamed the land: tumbling down steep embankments, eating noodles in the ****. One day, sixty and a half trillion centuries ago (or thereabouts), a youthful woman (no older than 31) took a swim in the Amazon River alone, without her friend Tina. Tina was a plump gal with long blonde arms and a small philtrum that made men want to have lunch with her till she puked. "Tina!" Mona called, concerned but not frantic. "I have a lovely bunch of Mexican men for you, 50% drug dealers, 34% junkies!" Later, after Tina washed her ******, she walked off a cliff and was okay because it wasn't very high up and the ground was soft because several ponies just took a gooey **** there.

did not fly out of his body causing death, nor did his left kidney. People who believe this stuff about his internal organs escaping suddenly through his skin are stupid.

I want to be buried in a grave after I die, not three months before I die and then I want to smoke Mexican cigarettes with a gang of Cuban Negroes for a few days during my next unpaid vacation and then I want to go swimmin' with their crack *** women.

Anne wriggled up close to Duncan to remove her skin-tight bikini *******. "What are you doing?" He asked timidly. "You're the gynecologist so you tell me," she moaned luridly. "I'm a Walmart cashier," he informed. "Then Walmart me," she said to surprise Duncan by using 𝘞𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘵 as a verb. Later, Dusty & Tulip were caught by a security guard making uninhibited love behind Pizza Hut near where the old fryer oil's kept.

Mary? What are your memories of your great grandfather? None because he died 26 years before I was born. And your third cousin Marvin? Never heard of him. Do you like ice cream? Yes. And puppies? Yes. And ice cream with puppies in it? No. Have you been pregnant? No. Why? Because I have no womb, only ******. Where? Several inches below my hips. May I see? No. I'll give you ice cream with puppies in it! You've got a deal!