Fred Pittsburgh (Pittsburgh's founder) removed the bandage with a mighty tug that nearly drove Valerie, an ex-lesbian, back into the hairy arms of a gym teacher. "Sorry 'bout that," Fred whispered as the Korean army led by Mao Tse-Tung wandered by with large medical boxes full of ****** pamphlets written to convince no one.

Nig McPeters attended college to become the richest man in southwest Ohio. "One day I'll own the citizens of this part of Ohio like an ex-lesbian nurse with a large ****** owns boxes of paper face masks that don't do anything," he told his worst friend, Sheila Henderson who was so beautiful that many ex-lesbians were willing to forget everything they knew about ex-lesbianism to possess her for just 1 wild night of ex-lesbian passion.

(͡๏̯͡๏)(͡๏̯͡๏)(͡๏̯͡๏)(͡๏̯͡๏)(͡๏̯͡๏)
Your thighs are chubby
& your fingers are stubby
You sprained your neck
in a recent car wreck
You suffer angina
down to your ******
On your breast sits
2 cherry-red *******

Todd Lunt asks: "What's the easiest way for me to find out if my last name rhymes with ****?" Answer: "Well Todd, the easiest way to find out if your last name rhymes with **** is to ask a college professor who has a degree in language studies."

to the woman you love: a big snake tattoo on her *** and a big *** tattoo on her face...and then jump off a tall building after taking a long squawk on a short ship cruise while removing gerbils from your neighbor's **** after drinking a giant milk shake with no clothes on for fun and excitement.

What's this? A bullet-proof bikini. Really? Yes. Let's say someone wants to target-practice on your ******* and gets off 2 rounds and BINGO! Your **** are hit yet saved with bullet-proofing technology! What about **** protection? That too, and also lard *** protection. Amazing!

OUR MEMORIES of being together are like small sandwich bags with lasagna in them suspended by fishing lines high above the Washington Monument somehow.  I'm so tired of counting money! I think it would be less tiring to weigh it and divide by six! I've been hearing a lot of good things about cremation lately. I like ice cream, but I don't eat it often. Yes, I think I will try cremation. Teeth are tough and hard to clean. It's important not to make beautiful jewelry out of them. After a tooth falls out beg Satan for a new one. Be nice. You attract more flies with honey than vinegar. I held your **** body against mine until the firemen came and then I pushed you away and grabbed a **** fireman. For Pete's sake Jake Blake! I can't shake and bake a fake snake or make a drake cake on Corn Crake Lake!

OUR DANGEROUS LOVE CAN'T BE KILLED - I knew I had it till I lost it and found it before having a hemorrhagic stroke that could've killed an ordinary woman like nothing. Thank Jehovah or Jesus that I had a Bible tucked under my bra to stop the ex-Kmart manager's small caliber bullet. Things couldn't be rougher for certain people; certain people with mental problems that are easily remedied with a guillotine.

are of the belief that Man is supreme and has the intellect to know all. The reality of course is the opposite. "Science," which is a synonym for "knowledge" {acquired by no particular means}, must remain analytical. Scientists make lousy pastors.

I saw you in a raft sleeping while I was awake on Fake Snake Lake.
I saw you sleeping when I was awake in a boat on Snake Egg Lake.
I saw you napping when I was awake in a ship on Earthquake Lake.
I saw that you were deep asleep when I was wide awake in a ******
boat motoring across the wildest sections of East Rattlesnake Lake.

If you had killed John Lennon, that could be a starting point for all conversations: “That reminds me of the time that I killed John Lennon!” Or: “Since I killed John Lennon, how the world's changed.” Or even: “I swear the cost of owning a high-performance car is significantly more than when I killed John Lennon, I can tell you.”; “I'll never forget that Tuesday, it was the one just before I killed John Lennon.”; “Hand me my gun...the one next to the one that I killed John Lennon with.”