𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆: Poems

26m · 10

The Queen of Australia

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 26m

The Queen of Australia

Are your chicken
bones legless?

No.

Why do they squawk?

I'm not telling you!

43m · 7

Let me take your aunt into my confidence and together we'll make the next pope sexier than Julie Andrews.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 43m

Let me take your aunt into my confidence and together we'll make the next pope sexier than Julie Andrews.

2h · 19

Laurie Bird

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 2h

Laurie Bird

(September 26, 1953 – June 15, 1979) was an American actress. She appeared in three films during the 1970s, two of which were directed by Monte Hellman. She was romantically involved with Hellman and Art Garfunkel, committing suicide in the latter's apartment by taking an overdose of ******.

2h · 23

ʙᴜꜱᴛᴇᴅ ꜰʟᴀᴛ ɪɴ ʙᴀᴛᴏɴ ʀᴏᴜɢᴇ

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 2h

ʙᴜꜱᴛᴇᴅ ꜰʟᴀᴛ ɪɴ ʙᴀᴛᴏɴ ʀᴏᴜɢᴇ

I was isolated and alone when I broke away from the nudist colony that loved humane nakedness more than inhumane winter jackets. It's been a long time in coming (as the expression once went). It's been everything and then some: mostly seasonal; primarily unreasonable.

Me and Bobby McGee
Song by Janis Joplin
LyricsListenArtists
ʙᴜꜱᴛᴇᴅ ꜰʟᴀᴛ ɪɴ ʙᴀᴛᴏɴ ʀᴏᴜɢᴇ, waitin' for a train
When I's feelin' near as faded as my jeans
Bobby thumbed a diesel down, just before it rained
And rode us all the way into New Orleans
I pulled my harpoon out of my ***** red bandana
I's playin' soft while Bobby sang the blues
Windshield wipers slappin' time, I's holdin' Bobby's hand in mine
We sang every song that driver knew
Freedom is just another word for nothin' left to lose
Nothin', don't mean nothin' hon' if it ain't free, no-no
And feelin' good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues
You know feelin' good was good enough for me
Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee
From the Kentucky coal mine to the California sun
There Bobby shared the secrets of my soul
Through all kinds of weather, through everything we done
Yeah, Bobby baby, kept me from the cold
One day up near Salinas, Lord, I let him slip away
He's lookin' for that home, and I hope he finds it
But, I'd trade all of my tomorrows, for one single yesterday
To be holdin' Bobby's body next to mine
Freedom is just another word for nothin' left to lose
Nothin', and that's all that Bobby left me, yeah
But feelin' good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues
That feelin' good was good enough for me, mmm-hmm
Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee
La-da-da, la-da-da-da, la-da-da-da-da-da-da
La-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, Bobby McGee, yeah
La-da-da-da-da, la-da-da-da-da
La, la-la-la-da-da- Bobby McGee, oh yeah
La-da-da, la-da-da, la, da-da, la, da-da
La-da-da, la-da-da, la-di-da
Hey now, Bobby now, now Bobby McGee, yeah
Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord, lo-da-da, na-na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na
Hey now, Bobby now, now Bobby McGee, yeah
Well, I wanna call him my lover, call him my man
I said, I call him my lover, did the best I can, come on
Hey now, Bobby now, hey now Bobby McGee, yeah
Lord, a Lord, a Lord, a Lord, a Lord, a Lord, a Lord, a Lord, oh
Hey-hey-hey, Bobby McGee, Lord
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Kris Kristofferson / Fred L Foster

3h · 37

#12 L’Enfant [𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐞 - 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭 - 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 - 𝐓𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬]

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 3h

#12 L’Enfant [𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐞 - 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭 - 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 - 𝐓𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬]

Helium
Track 4 on Superball+ EP

Sep. 19, 1995

I am an elephant
I'm an e-le-phant
I'm an elephant
You’re not an e-le-phant

You are Tintin
You are anything
You are Tintin
I'm not Tintin

You are seraphim
You are se-ra-phim
You're not seraphim
I'm not seraphim

'Cause I’m an elephant
I'm an e-le-phant
I'm an elephant
You’re not an elephant

𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐞
𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭
𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨
𝐓𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬

Four
Six
Eight
Ten
Twelve

I'm an elephant
I'm an e-le-phant
I'm an elephant
You’re not an e-le-phant

You're my lover and I'm Mathilda [?]
You're my lover and I'm Mathilda [?]

Sha la lalala
Sha la lalala
La la lalala

'Cause I’m an elephant
I'm an e-le-phant
I'm an elephant
You’re not an elephant

𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐞
𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭
𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨
𝐓𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬

Four
Six
Eight
Ten
Twelve

The Adventures of Tintin (French: Les Aventures de Tintin; [***‿avɑ̃tyʁ də tɛ̃tɛ̃]) is a series of 24 comic albums created by Belgian cartoonist Georges Remi, who wrote under the pen name Hergé. The series was one of the most popular European comics of the 20th century. By 2007, a century after Hergé's birth in 1907,[1] Tintin had been published in more than 70 languages with sales of more than 200 million copies,[2] and had been adapted for radio, television, theatre, and film.

The series first appeared in French on 10 January 1929 in Le Petit Vingtième (The Little Twentieth), a youth supplement to the Belgian newspaper Le Vingtième Siècle (The Twentieth Century). The success of the series led to serialised strips published in Belgium's leading newspaper Le Soir (The Evening) and spun into a successful Tintin magazine. In 1950, Hergé created Studios Hergé, which produced the canonical versions of ten Tintin albums. Following Hergé's death in 1983, the final instalment of the series, Tintin and Alph-Art, was released posthumously.

4h · 10

HOMOSEXUALITY AMONGST LESBIANS

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 4h

HOMOSEXUALITY AMONGST LESBIANS

is considerably higher now than it was during World War 2 in Europe and North Africa because throughout the second half of 1944 Adolf ****** was dropping bombs on lesbians constantly.

TATTOO WAR - Betty's ***-tattoo surprised John as she was so against tattoos in the past. "I didn't know you had an ***-tattoo," he mumbled. "Yes. Isn't it beautiful?" She ventured. "It doesn't go well with your ****-tattoo," he observed cruelly. "Oh yeah! Well, it' a whole lot better done than your *******-tattoo!" She exclaimed loudly. "What's wrong with my *******-tattoo?! At least it doesn't clash with my ***-crack tattoo!" He replied angrily.

6h · 22

THE SNOW IS WHITE!

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 6h

THE SNOW IS WHITE!

On the day of our wedding in the forest I want to ride on the backs of wild bears and eat rattlesnake eggs and *** on ant mounds! I want to return to nature and jump off cliffs and use boulders as pillows!

8h · 7

BETWEEN SHAMPOOS

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 8h

BETWEEN SHAMPOOS

Hello! I'm Big Mike Jackson, Senior Professor of Lesbianism at South Lesbian University in Lesbian, Florida and I'm here today to discuss lesbianism. Most non-lesbians are in the dark when it comes to lesbianism and would rather ignore the practice. I would like to tell you the story of Martha, a senior lesbian with 65 years of lesbian experience under her bath robe. When she was a teen lesbian, lesbianism was illegal and punishable by 4 years in an all-lesbian prison. Several of Martha's neighbors were lesbians and nobody knew about it (except the chief of police who was also a lesbian, so he didn't rat them out). 1 day, at the lesbian shampoo factory, a "smart" meter exploded killing 12 lesbian shampoo bottlers. What is lesbian shampoo anyway? Lesbian shampoo is an exotic blend of "pro-lesbian" ingredients that will leave your hair feeling vibrant and homosexually inclined. Don't worry though, because the feeling is only temporary. Between shampoos, use Big Frank's Lesbian Conditioner to keep your hair soft and manageable.

8h · 17

Everything is fine. Get your 4th covid booster shot. Everything is fine.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 8h

Everything is fine. Get your 4th covid booster shot. Everything is fine.

8h · 21

Don't cry for me Argentina!

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 8h

Don't cry for me Argentina!

DON'T!
I MEAN IT!

14h · 15

Michael Jackson was killed in an avalanche yet no fan was told and Tito sobbed when he found out that Janet had stolen Michael's gold.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 14h

Michael Jackson was killed in an avalanche yet no fan was told and Tito sobbed when he found out that Janet had stolen Michael's gold.

1d · 26

Now look at you: all mixed up in murder plans; eating tuna fish with a plastic spoon.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 1d

Now look at you: all mixed up in ****** plans; eating tuna fish with a plastic spoon.

1d · 28

I was terribly in love with you forever when we were very romantic teens together 1 year ago in France when you wore work-pants with no pockets because of 6 knee-defects that ruined your 2 leg sockets.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 1d

I was terribly in love with you forever when we were very romantic teens together 1 year ago in France when you wore work-pants with no pockets because of 6 knee-defects that ruined your 2 leg sockets.

1d · 25

You touched me sweetly like a pretty mountain climber would on a very dangerous cliff in the Grand Canyon after eating a large lunch.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 1d

You touched me sweetly like a pretty mountain climber would on a very dangerous cliff in the Grand Canyon after eating a large lunch.

1d · 16

What I'll say when I finally become pope: "Finally I've become pope!" And when I grow 10 times stronger than the previous pope: "Look out, I'm 10 times stronger than the previous pope!"

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 1d

What I'll say when I finally become pope: "Finally I've become pope!" And when I grow 10 times stronger than the previous pope: "Look out, I'm 10 times stronger than the previous pope!"

1d · 24

ONE DAY we'll move to Katsina City and make a baby called Karl with a K and then we'll start a church and spell Christian with a K and then we'll mourn the demise of Kmart that's already spelled with a K.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 1d

ONE DAY we'll move to Katsina City and make a baby called Karl with a K and then we'll start a church and spell Christian with a K and then we'll mourn the demise of Kmart that's already spelled with a K.

1d · 17

𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘈𝘨𝘦𝘴 & 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘓𝘪𝘧𝘦

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 1d

𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘈𝘨𝘦𝘴 & 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘓𝘪𝘧𝘦

“Autism rates in the U.S. went from 0.1% (1 in 1,000) in the early 1990s to 0.9% (1 in 110) between 1999 and 2006, to 1.5% (1 in 68) in 2014, to 2.8% (1 in 36) in 2023.” ― Paul Thomas, 𝘝𝘢𝘹 𝘍𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘴: 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘉𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘝𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘈𝘨𝘦𝘴 & 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘓𝘪𝘧𝘦

1d · 15

Did you see that whore movie a long time ago

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 1d

Did you see that ***** movie a long time ago

about Julia Roberts falling in love with a ****** who
inserts gerbils up his ****? Me neither. It looks
pretty good though. Maybe I'll see it one day
after I have exploratory brain surgery.

1d · 17

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ 𝑰 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝑰 𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒅𝒐, 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒓𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒖𝒓𝒆. ♥

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 1d

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ 𝑰 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝑰 𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒅𝒐, 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒓𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒖𝒓𝒆. ♥

1d · 17

THE WORST MORNING

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 1d

THE WORST MORNING

AFTER A HORRIFYING DREAM

I woke up feeling like a ***-crazed ****** in love with cranky business women! What can be done? My toes curled around each other and my two fallopian tubes connected to each other like they used to be connected to each other without help from ex-gynecologists. It was a trillion times bloodier than a million billionaires in a knife-fight with a billion millionaires!

1d · 23

PRAYING TO A SILVER SUN

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 1d

PRAYING TO A SILVER SUN

I feel more typically girly than I typically do, must be the concentrated rat manure. It's better folded back unless you have diminished hearing in your right ear. How's that? Better. Don't bend it that way. I learned that you should never bend it that way in gynecology college. I can't because it sticks to the roof of my mouth like peanut butter. But even so: it's a great time to be a homosexual.

1d · 43

EVIL EXPOSED

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 1d

EVIL EXPOSED

The excess of deaths during these early post-vaccination periods was statistically significant. A review of the medical literature substantiates a link between vaccines and sudden unexplained infant deaths. PMID: 34258234

2d · 91

𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻'𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗸𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗳 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘂𝘁 𝗯𝘂𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿. 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗼: 𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝗮 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗮 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗼𝘀𝗲𝘅𝘂𝗮𝗹. 🐻

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 2d

𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻'𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗸𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗳 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘂𝘁 𝗯𝘂𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿. 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗼: 𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝗮 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗮 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗼𝘀𝗲𝘅𝘂𝗮𝗹. 🐻

2d · 28

𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘂𝗻𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗱 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗲𝗮𝗿. 𝗛𝗼𝘄'𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁? 𝗕𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿. 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘆. 𝗜 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗴𝘆𝗻𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗴𝗲.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 2d

𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘂𝗻𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗱 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗲𝗮𝗿. 𝗛𝗼𝘄'𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁? 𝗕𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿. 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘆. 𝗜 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗴𝘆𝗻𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗴𝗲.

2d · 37

𝙄 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝘽𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙈𝙪𝙧𝙧𝙖𝙮 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙨𝙡𝙪𝙧𝙥 𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙧𝙖𝙩 𝙧𝙖𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙤𝙪𝙥 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙛𝙞𝙡𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙚𝙨 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙩 𝙆𝙤𝙤𝙥.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 2d

𝙄 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝘽𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙈𝙪𝙧𝙧𝙖𝙮 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙨𝙡𝙪𝙧𝙥 𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙧𝙖𝙩 𝙧𝙖𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙤𝙪𝙥 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙛𝙞𝙡𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙚𝙨 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙩 𝙆𝙤𝙤𝙥.

2d · 35

"We're All Grown Up"

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 2d

"We're All Grown Up"

Words & Music: Hazel O'Connor

Ah come on
Let's go
Let's all play mums and dads, come on
Where do babies come from, mum?
Shut up you naughty boy
And put your clothes back on

[Chorus:]
Mucky pup, cover up
Strip it down, cover round
***** muck, cover up
Look at us we got cover plus
'Cos we're all grown up, we're all grown up
Peel off black nylon in the red light
Silly old men leer through their gun sights
Naughty girl turn round
I'll show you what's right

[Chorus]
***** muck, cover up
Strip it down cover round
***** muck, cover up
Strip it down cover round
***** muck, cover up
Strip it down cover round
Mucky pup cover up
Look at us got cover plus, look at us got cover plus
We're all grown up, we're all grown up
Why don't you go and fix your face, up good
Why not buy some paint and hide your wood worm good
But let the children play the way they feel and should
***** muck, cover up
Strip it down, cover round
Mucky pup, cover up
Look at us got cover plus
***** muck, cover up
Look at us we got cover plus
'Cos we're all grown up, all grown up
All grown up [Repeat to Fade]

2d · 21

LIVING WITH SEXY FRENCH MAIDS - One 𝘔𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘯 can't stop the German army! Obviously, you all have deeply ingrained "daddy issues." Muslim inbreeding must stop! Muslims must stop marrying first cousins!

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 2d

LIVING WITH **** FRENCH MAIDS - One 𝘔𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘯 can't stop the German army! Obviously, you all have deeply ingrained "daddy issues." Muslim inbreeding must stop! Muslims must stop marrying first cousins!

2d · 32

POPE ANDREWS

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 2d

POPE ANDREWS

Will this shampoo make my beard softer than deer ****-hair? It sure will. It's been tested on unemployed assistant zoo administrators. What about my aunt? She has medical problems that have baffled ex-gynecologists for years. Don't fret. Let me take your aunt into my confidence and together we'll make the next pope sexier than Julie Andrews.

2d · 37

THE TOPLESS ZOO ADMINISTRATOR

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 2d

THE ******* ZOO ADMINISTRATOR

had a medical certificate that allowed her to be bare-breasted while administering the affairs of the zoo. Nobody questioned that but 1 day, while she was scrubbing her ******* with anti-chafing ointment, the zoo's assistant administrator Nig McJohnson suddenly fell in love with her and a few short minutes later they were locked in romantic embrace. "Oh Nig, how I've longed for your manly touch," Ann, the administrator cooed. Nig smiled at her passionately. "Your gold teeth are so precious," Ann continued, while Nig unleashed the mega-sensual powers of an assistant administrator.

3d · 21

myocarditis/pericarditis

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 3d

myocarditis/pericarditis

Conclusions: This population-based study of 3 million residents in Italy suggested that mRNA vaccines were associated with myocarditis/pericarditis in the population younger than 40 years. According to our results, increased risk of myocarditis/pericarditis was associated with the second dose of BNT162b2 and both doses of mRNA-1273. [PMCID: PMC9333264]

3d · 31

My boyfriend's testicles were bitten off by a camel recently. Should I marry him when he wakes up from his coma or marry his identical twin brother whose testicles are in pretty good shape?

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 3d

My boyfriend's testicles were bitten off by a camel recently. Should I marry him when he wakes up from his coma or marry his identical twin brother whose testicles are in pretty good shape?

A mi novio le arrancó los testículos un camello hace poco. ¿Debería casarme con él cuando despierte del coma o con su hermano gemelo, cuyos testículos están en muy buen estado?

3d · 27

My white boyfriend lost a testicle in a chain saw accident & my black boyfriend donated his testicle to help out even though it's too big for my white boyfriend's scrotum. Which man should I marry?

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 3d

My white boyfriend lost a ******* in a chain saw accident & my black boyfriend donated his ******* to help out even though it's too big for my white boyfriend's *******. Which man should I marry?

3d · 27

Joan and Carol

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 3d

Joan and Carol

My Review of 𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝑾𝒂𝒓 𝑻𝒘𝒐 𝑳𝒆𝒔𝒃𝒊𝒂𝒏𝒔 (1953) - The movie's pretty good. There are lots of battle action scenes that don't involve lesbians. I was disappointed that the main lesbian was very short and hard to see when the ship dipped below a wave. I liked the pillow fight scene between Joan and Carol, even though they didn't have lezzy *** or anything.

TWIN SISTER ARSONISTS - I had a microscopic girlfriend, no bigger than a germ who had large feet that were small and firm. Her twin sister was larger than her, twice the size of Raymond Burr. I loved them both as often as I could, even after they set fire to Kennywood.

3d · 35

YOU MAKE MY ASS MORE TIRED

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 3d

YOU MAKE MY *** MORE TIRED

THAN JOHNSON & JOHNSON!

I don't buy copies of record albums when record albums
are available. Me too. I bought one the other day
when nobody was manning the cash register.
Some sticklers call it shoplifting.

3d · 26

LIFE IN WYOMING

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 3d

LIFE IN WYOMING

Tina was stacked up like a mountain since her lower back developed a crack. "Stand up!" Pete demanded when nobody was looking directly at him for some reason. "I can't!" Tina protested even though her **** was perfectly normal. "How's your ****?" Vicky asked like she was a nurse, which she wasn't. "It looks good from here," Donna butted in while her big **** took up half the couch. Carl smiled. His big teeth were so fake that everybody wanted to **** him. "I'm going to Wendy's for a rat burger," Fred T. Jenkins informed the group, even though they were partially deaf in one or two ears.

3d · 22

POOL BAND PUKE (not 𝘊𝘰𝘰𝘭 𝘏𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘶𝘬𝘦) The winter was lip-cracking cold and tit-sucking bold when our pet bear stirred from hibernation like a canal coon made into a hat for Daniel Boone.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 3d

POOL BAND PUKE (not 𝘊𝘰𝘰𝘭 𝘏𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘶𝘬𝘦) The winter was lip-cracking cold and ***-******* bold when our pet bear stirred from hibernation like a canal **** made into a hat for Daniel Boone.

3d · 30

Don't need no tough muff! Don't need no nothin'! Don't need no pigs climbin' up and down my butt! Don't need no dog-attack! Call me when supper's done. I'll be on top of my yacht, fishin' for shrimp.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 3d

Don't need no tough ****! Don't need no nothin'! Don't need no pigs climbin' up and down my ****! Don't need no dog-attack! Call me when supper's done. I'll be on top of my yacht, fishin' for shrimp.

3d · 25

MONEY is metal. Paper is a receipt for metal.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 3d

MONEY is metal. Paper is a receipt for metal.

THE RABID NEIGHBOR - Tammy stood firm to block Kirk, whose animal lust made him Pittsburgh's number one stud muffin. "I'm not moving till you grease my drive shaft!" He exclaimed defiantly as Tammy unhitched her Winnebagos in front of Agnes, her best friend's neighbor with rabies. "Back up!" Kirk warned. "That crazy ***** has rabies!"

3d · 27

300 other words

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 3d

300 other words

I DREAMED THAT I LIVED IN AN APARTMENT HIGH ABOVE LAKE MICHIGAN and each morning I'd look out my big window and see nothing but Lake Michigan. The lake filled my window. One morning though this wasn't the case. It was Tuesday and I was working the second shift in homicide division. Anyway, I rose from bed and looked out the window and JESUS!!! Lake Michigan was gone!!! I asked my neighbors about it and they didn't know what happened, some of them hadn't even heard of Lake Michigan. I was very confused and baffled and puzzled and 300 other words that mean the same thing.

3d · 39

𝘎𝘰𝘥 𝘚𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘉𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘈𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘴

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 3d

𝘎𝘰𝘥 𝘚𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘉𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘈𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘴

MY PREDICTIONS (1) Candy made of raw cabbage and boiled beets will replace chocolate as the world's favorite treat. (2) Women with extra toes will replace women with too few toes in Armenia's national guard. (3) Long penises will be ignored as gay French pornographers focus entirely on ****-width. (4) Pepsi will become indistinguishable from Coke.

4d · 31

🆂🅸🅻🆅🅰🅽🆄🆂

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 4d

🆂🅸🅻🆅🅰🅽🆄🆂

ANY HAIR PROBLEM that isn't as bad as my diseased baboon's ****-
hair means nothing to me and my baboon, as we're a baboon family,
living in the forest, eating stray cats and worshiping forest
god Silvanus (the **** deity with 𝘢𝘯𝘶𝘴 in his name).

4d · 19

My late grandpa fought in the Korean war and not just because he had a wild passion for killing Koreans, as he was just as wildly passionate about killing Singaporeans & Sumatrans.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 4d

My late grandpa fought in the Korean war and not just because he had a wild passion for killing Koreans, as he was just as wildly passionate about killing Singaporeans & Sumatrans.

4d · 24

INGRID'S FRECKLED BUM CHEEKS

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 4d

INGRID'S FRECKLED *** CHEEKS

"I like to wax my carrot by myself when nobody's taking pictures of me!" Kyle snapped angrily at his second cousin Ingrid who enjoyed family-reunion picnics, Coke mixed with Pepsi, and marital advice from commies. "Alright! Alright! Climb down off my freckled *** cheeks!" She snapped back like she was the younger sister of that blonde chick from Abba.

ꜱᴘᴀɴᴋɪɴɢ ᴀ ꜱᴡᴇᴅɪꜱʜ ᴄᴏᴜꜱɪɴ
ʏᴏᴜɴɢ ᴋʏʟᴇ ᴍᴀʀᴛɪɴ ʜᴀᴅ ᴀ ꜱᴛᴜᴅᴇɴᴛ ʟᴏᴀɴ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏɴꜱɪᴅᴇʀ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʜɪꜱ ꜱᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ ᴄᴏᴜꜱɪɴ ɪɴɢʀɪᴅ ᴀᴘᴘᴇᴀʀᴇᴅ ᴜɴᴇxᴘᴇᴄᴛᴀɴᴛʟʏ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇᴀꜱᴛᴇʀɴ ꜱᴡᴇᴅᴇɴ ᴏɴᴇ ɴɪɢʜᴛ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ʜᴇ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴡᴀꜱʜɪɴɢ ʜɪꜱ ᴘᴜᴅ. "ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘᴜᴅ?" ꜱʜᴇ ᴀꜱᴋᴇᴅ ᴀʟʟ ɪɴɴᴏᴄᴇɴᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ. "ᴏʜ, ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴛɪᴅʏɪɴɢ ɪᴛ ᴜᴘ ᴀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ," ᴋʏʟᴇ ᴀɴꜱᴡᴇʀᴇᴅ. "ʜᴇʀᴇ, ʟᴇᴛ ᴍᴇ ʜᴇʟᴘ. ɪɴ ꜱᴡᴇᴅᴇɴ ᴡᴇ ᴜꜱᴇ ᴀ ʟᴀʀɢᴇ ʀᴀɢ ᴛɪᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴀ ᴄᴀᴍᴘᴇʀ ᴛʀᴀɪʟᴇʀ ʜɪᴛᴄʜ," ꜱʜᴇ ɪɴꜰᴏʀᴍᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ʜᴇᴀʟᴛʜʏ ɢʀɪɴ ᴀꜱ ʜᴇʀ ɴᴀʏ-ɴᴀʏꜱ ꜱᴡᴀʏᴇᴅ ʀʜʏᴛʜᴍɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴜꜱᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ɪɴ ꜱᴡᴇᴅᴇɴ ᴡʜᴇɴ ꜱʜᴇ ᴍɪʟᴋᴇᴅ ʀᴇɪɴᴅᴇᴇʀ ꜰᴏʀ ʜᴇʀ ᴜɴᴄʟᴇ.

4d · 18

MY TRIPLE MURDER TRIAL

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 4d

MY TRIPLE ****** TRIAL

I want to be a semi-invalid and eat peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches a lot. I want to climb to the top of the Empire State Building with no clothes on and then put lots of clothes on and then push three people off the roof and then plead insanity at my triple ****** trial.

4d · 27

SCRAPING TOGETHER TWO BUCKS

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 4d

SCRAPING TOGETHER TWO BUCKS

You know Byron, it's a great time to be a homosexual. I know, but not as great as it used to be, especially 5 years ago when homos were flying high, higher than blimps. I had a hernia back then so I couldn't enjoy being a homosexual as much as you did. I know that's right. My uncle was alive then. Was he a homosexual too? What do you mean: 𝘵𝘰𝘰? Oh nothing. I celebrate your homosexual denial. It's like having rabies and lupus at the same time. That's true.

4d · 33

𝗣𝗮𝗰𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝗶𝘅 𝗠𝗲𝘅𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗻𝗮𝘇𝘇𝘆 𝘆𝗮𝗰𝗵𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀: 𝙅𝙤𝙚 𝙈𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙭, 𝙇𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙃𝙤𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙭𝙪𝙖𝙡.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 4d

𝗣𝗮𝗰𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝗶𝘅 𝗠𝗲𝘅𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗻𝗮𝘇𝘇𝘆 𝘆𝗮𝗰𝗵𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀: 𝙅𝙤𝙚 𝙈𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙭, 𝙇𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙃𝙤𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙭𝙪𝙖𝙡.

4d · 24

Immune challenges during early development, including those vaccine-induced, can lead to permanent detrimental alterations of the brain and immune function. PMID: 22235057 DOI: 10.1177/0961203311430221

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 4d

Immune challenges during early development, including those vaccine-induced, can lead to permanent detrimental alterations of the brain and immune function. PMID: 22235057 DOI: 10.1177/0961203311430221

4d · 37

Aluminum is an experimentally demonstrated neurotoxin and the most commonly used vaccine adjuvant.

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 4d

Aluminum is an experimentally demonstrated neurotoxin and the most commonly used vaccine adjuvant.

Despite almost 90 years of widespread use of aluminum adjuvants, medical science's understanding about their mechanisms of action is still remarkably poor. PMID: 21568886 DOI: 10.2174/092986711795933740

5d · 33

ONE DAY

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 5d

ONE DAY

it became obvious (even apparent) to me that I MUST hypnotize my **** neighbor to make her into my obedient love-slave. Hey neighbor! Hey! Come here and see my new hypnotizing kit from Kmart. Kmart? Didn't they go belly up? Yeah, but I got it just before they did. Oh. Now, look deeply into my eyes. Hey, wait a minute! Are you going to make me your love-slave through hypnosis? Yes. Okay.

5d · 29

THE DAY I NEARLY DIED FROM A MONKEY-BITE

𝗦𝘂𝘇𝘆 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗸𝘆 5d

THE DAY I NEARLY DIED FROM A MONKEY-BITE

I was petting my monkey lovingly like I always do when a hurricane hit suddenly. Wisely, I pushed him away but not quickly enough. Out of total simian fear he bit me on the ankle so I killed him and sold his carcass to local monkey butchers.