BETWEEN SHAMPOOS - Hello! I'm Big Mike Jackson, Senior Professor of Lesbianism at South Lesbian University in Lesbian, Florida and I'm here today to discuss lesbianism. Most non-lesbians are in the dark when it comes to lesbianism and would rather ignore the practice. I would like to tell you the story of Martha, a senior lesbian with 65 years of lesbian experience under her bath robe. When she was a teen lesbian, lesbianism was illegal and punishable by 4 years in an all-lesbian prison. Several of Martha's neighbors were lesbians and nobody knew about it (except the chief of police who was also a lesbian, so he didn't rat them out). 1 day at the shampoo factory a "smart" meter exploded killing 12 lesbian shampoo bottlers. What is lesbian shampoo anyway? Lesbian shampoo is an exotic blend of "pro-lesbian" ingredients that will leave your hair feeling vibrant and homosexually inclined. Don't worry though, because the feeling is only temporary. Between shampoos, use Big Frank's Lesbian Conditioner. It will make your hair soft and manageable.

My cow's hep up on steroids so I get milk by the gallon twice per day. Mine too. I got her so juiced that I don't know what to do next. Maybe I'll have a convulsion or go to Wyoming or some other stupid place? Sounds righteous, like something Jesus would do if the Romans hadn't wasted Him way back when. Yeah, it was rough.

I remember the good times when we lived like dogs on top of a mountain of meat: never straying far, always ******* each other while never getting stuck. I'll never forget (unless my head gets crushed under a fat woman on a horse) the love we shared for climbing trees and eating monkeys. A love like ours will never die unless I get smashed like a bug by an elephant.

History scares me: Mary Lincoln's boils; the ***** wars that killed
so many bull ***** since A.D. 1826; injecting ****** with toxoids
to deliberately make them turn tricks; praisin' ****** bands like Kiss
& Styx & having to choose in the Rolling Stones between 2 Micks.

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Wed, Apr 23, 10:26 AM (3 days ago)
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How do you live on seven dollars a month? Easy, through careful budgeting. But seven dollars is twenty-three cents per day. Yes, I know. Take birth control pills, for example. I buy them in bulk to rack up tremendous savings, the same goes for jet-fuel additive. But still? Seven dollars? You don't understand. I eat very little and I only **** on Wednesdays. These facts allow me to spend nearly zero. Yesterday I treated myself to a delicious meal at Burger King. I had 4 Whoppers and several orders of fish. I'll bet that cost a pretty penny. Exactly! I used my budget to plan for it. If my mother was alive and not dead, she would be rolling over in her grave right now a lot.

I must **** trees, miss fleas, kiss cheese & hiss bees like nervously-
nervous nut cases with a neurotic, nerve-racking, miss-ease disease
I will **** trees, miss fleas, hiss bees & kiss cheeses like nervously-
nervous nut jobs with neurotical, nerve-racking, miss-ease diseases
Halfway up from the bottom down, left of center, tilted backwards,
is the contorted stance that cripples contortionists lunging forwards

that was too often among us we sought lasting love like God
gives popes from high above when they're too lonely
and poor to make papal love to Babylon's *****.

Walmart offers everyday low prices, much like a ***** offers everyday *** prices. I was at Walmart, punishing myself, trying on shoes that will never fit me, when several Negroes began fighting in aisle 15. I felt frightened and alone till I looked around to see 87 people. That's what Walmart is good at: providing eyewitnesses.

Joan enjoyed her time as a garden department manager at Walmart before the big promotion. Steve, an ex-lover, contacted her to say that he was a woman and had always been one, despite everything. Joan smiled at that as she couldn't help but to remember Steve's *****-pride, how he'd balance things on it and test the temperature of soup with it.  One day when their jeep got stuck in deep mud Steve tied one end of a rope to the bumper and the other end to his stiff...well, anyway...

EATING PEOPLE WHO OPPOSE CANNIBALISM - John Lennon represented youth, muscular youth, the kind of youth that could **** a person. Yes, yes. But what about unemployment? And joblessness? I agree. These are 2 horrifying dilemmas, but we shouldn't let our swollen ***** stop us. Well, mine does. I can barely get off the toilet from a seated position. Me too. The other day I was stuck for 2 weeks and I nearly died. If a neighbor woman hadn't stolen my wallet, I'd be unemployed right now. Yes, me too.