THAT MADE LILY TOMLIN STAY GAY

A week before ex-lesbianism became the policy of the Civil Aeronautics Board, Lily and her "wife" Gretchen made passionate love behind Pizza Hut at the base of a dumpster. They were creaky and old and feared their joints would snap but they didn't because God was on their side and "with them" and ready to command vast armies of militarized angels fitted with ***** and scrota to spite the Saracens.

Fred lived with his mother in an abandoned Kmart, 3 miles from the furthest Dairy Queen. One day, while he was rinsing his ****** in a drinking fountain, president Jimmy Carter's ghost appeared on the back of Walter Mondale. They were 𝘉𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘔𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 like crazy: slipping 𝘪𝘵 in part way, then all the way, then dangling 𝘪𝘵, then teasing the entrance, then ramming 𝘪𝘵 in till 𝘪𝘵 felt like 𝘪𝘵 was stuck up there against the prostate. "What do you want from me?" Fred asked in a butch voice, even though the ghosts had 100% evaporated. It was pointless to tell his mother about it because she was totally crazy already.

HUNGER WILL NOT DEFEAT US because God has provided delicious field mice and gophers for us to eat. Salt and paprika bring out the deliciousness of their meat and their pelts make nice hats and **** fur-lined *******. I'm wearing several gophers now and my mouth is full of mice.