SPANKING A SWEDISH COUSIN - Young Kyle Martin had a student loan to consider when his second cousin Ingrid appeared unexpectantly from eastern Sweden one night while he was washing his pud. "What are you doing with your pud?" She asked all innocent like. "Oh, just tidying it up a little," Kyle answered. "Here, let me help. In Sweden we use a large rag tied to a camper trailer hitch," she informed with a healthy grin as her nay-nays swayed rhythmically like they used to in Sweden when she milked reindeer for her uncle.

Jan wanted to see the ground saturated with albino tears. Without knowing whether albinos had tear ducts, she jogged to the nearest albino-only penitentiary to infiltrate the strange world of ALBINOS IN JAIL CELLS. Young Jimmy Henderson righted himself on the unicycle to impress Cindy Brady, who was entering Big Bob's Nursing Academy in the spring to study lactation. "Look at me Cindy! I'm going to injure my **** forever if I go faster!" He exclaimed righteously like he was God again. (He was God for 3 years 10 years ago, so claimed his job application with Tiny Tim's Pneumatic ***** Pumps.)

Go ahead and cry Teresa Teng look-alike in your moldy grass hut till your Taiwanese eyes swell completely shut because I'll be traveling north in the morning after the sun comes out with a bellyful of steamed brown rice and sautéed rainbow trout.