𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲

𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 Feb 16

My brakes squeaked each time I used them so I threw them at my neighbor who suffers from a violent temper.

𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 Feb 16

DON'T JUST DON'T! Our romance was like an apple tree in an avalanche with artificial monkeys in it. We kissed too soon at your mother's funeral when everyone was watching us. That's why I can never look at a dead crone again with the same lust and desire.

𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 Feb 16

January 14th is Brothers' Day, a day to celebrate brotherhood with your brother, but since I only have a half-brother (same mother, different father) we can only celebrate for 12 hours.

𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 Feb 16

“𝗬𝗲𝘀 𝗞𝗮𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗮, 𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚-𝙖-𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙩 𝙙𝙖𝙮 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝘁 𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗱𝗮𝘆,” 𝗾𝘂𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗝𝗼𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗞𝗮𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗮'𝘀 𝗳𝗶𝗹𝗲 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝟭𝟬𝟬% 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗹𝗲.

𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 Feb 15

A uranalysis pregnancy test detects the cancer hormone in men and women.

𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 Feb 15

I KILLED THE AFTERNOON

𝘴𝘩𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘫𝘪𝘷𝘦 with several ghetto Negroes after 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴
to an ex-lesbian lover. It was like visiting China Town or Slick City
or some other burg where radishes are always in-season.

𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 Feb 15

I PUT ON WEIGHT and then I bought a scale and then I stole a raffle ticket and then I won a scale and now I have two scales that allow me to cut my weight in half by standing with one foot on each scale at the same time.