HOW TO MOVE FROM ONE STATE TO ANOTHER [the state of stupidity to the state of idiocy or imbecility] - All one needs to do is look out any window that's intact. See the man in the fur coat? He's your friend, but you just don't know it yet. Ask him for a shoe string or a diamond ring or any other inconsequential thing and he'll give you what it takes to gas to death snakes; to drain massive lakes; to end the devastation of Earth-shaking quakes; to swallow whole cakes; to spot forgeries and fakes.

What have I learned as a gynecologist? Many things. Gynecology isn't just for dentists who like women. It's for men who enjoy big-game fishing and bowling-pin setting. It's for ex-lesbians with bullet scars on their butts.

Algebra saved me from having to use extra toilet paper. Let me explain. It's an accepted fact that 3 out of 4 bowel movements are superfluous, meaning: they are just not needed. A person can strengthen (monolithically) his **** sphincter by T.B.C. (total bowel control). For now on I will abbreviate total bowel control with T.B.C. No ****, I'll really do it and also: I'm not ******* you! It's Tuesday (a new day) and a day for the inescapable, pain-in-the ***, diurnal, daily scheduled bowel movement! You may be saying: “Good God must I?” The answer (and remember: I'm not feeding you load of ****!) is NO! People proficient in algebra **** on a 48-hour time table, and for trigonometry students it's not even that! Can you believe it? Or better: Can you relieve it? Next time I'll tell you how to ***** on target every time and how to urinate into beer bottles while you're cruising down the highway algebraically fast.