Half way through May, again, I anticipate with regularity the June month, as my colon waves in spasms, goose stepping in quick time to June. I should look up old friends, old ****-buddies if I were a homosexual (which I'm not). It seems relaxing to sit when spoken to; to speak from a seat.
โI assure you,โ the waitress said with the tight skirt.
โThat's ****,โ I said.
โWhat is?โ She asked.
โThe word 'assure' because it's got '***' in it,โ I said.
โEven better,โ she observed in a tight-*** framing way.
โTitusville, get it? Tight *** Ville?!โ
โOh yeah. Will you let me measure you against all women?โ
โSure,โ she said. โIt's the least that I could do.โ
Panic came upon me like it was 1929.
โI'd sell everything to be rid of my things.โ
โI hear you,โ she said while adjusting her hearing aid.
โIf you'll trust me just once I won't have to
buy a second pregnancy test,โ I informed.
โI will. Besides, in the end, it'll all be
worth it, the ointment โ everything.โ
I could see her better because I sat behind her from where
she stood. โI'd **** a million democrats on your say-so,โ
said I to get between her ***'s puffy parts.
โI love you,โ she whispered as I gave
her a tip, my tip, just enough to win.
โDo you miss me mucho big? Am I not too mucho
macho for you?โ I asked very Spanishly.
โYou're **** when you talk wet-back. Are you a wet-back?โ
โNo, I'm not a wet-back.โ
โThat's good. I don't mind a little grease now and again.โ
โMe too.โ
The temperature was drooping (& dropping) and
I knew that pipes froze at a low temperature.
โTake off your ****** and let me feed you a taco.โ
โI don't wear underpants.โ
โMe too.โ
That night our waitress/customer relationship
remained whole as I pulled out just enough to win.