Ball-twisting fun can be yours for 23%-off or no money down. Just pay 45 easy payments of $57 per week for 72 weeks or $99 per day for 3 years and you'll be sitting pretty in the most comfortable chair ever made! Built by dangerous Pygmy cannibals on an island somewhere, this chair features a built-in meat grinder and sinew stripper! You'll be eating people raw in no time with no questions asked, so hurry now or go to bed alone with an ex-lesbian with short fingers.

Take a moment out of your day to EXPERIENCE WHAT IT'S LIKE! Are you a woman or a man? Do you have insomnia? Are your nose hairs too long? Are you scared of the Empire State Building? Me too. Let's find Jesus together! He's out there, filling the hearst (I mean hearts) of people who are scared of the Empire State Building with joy and tranquility.

Are you experiencing unwanted ******* pain? Do your teeth fall out when you're experiencing unwanted ******* pain? Have you ever been sedated during surgery only to wake up in the recovery room with unwanted ******* pain? Unwanted ******* pain is no joke and it's even worse now since a man is defined as anyone who identifies as one. For example: "Sister! What's wrong?!" - "I'm experiencing unwanted ******* pain!"

THE BALCONY-CLIMBER - How are you making a living? You aren't still "balcony-climbing" are you? What's wrong with that? Nothing unless you lose your grip. Listen, I've fallen billions of times. The secret to not getting hurt is to fall on fat women. They'll break your fall better than any air mattress will. It still seems iffy to me. Watch me tomorrow. If I fall it'll be from 70 feet. I've got 2 fat ***** in the parking lot. I can't miss. I'll hit 'em squarely. One'll be killed instantly but I'll be fine. Okay, if you say so. Got any bread? Sure, bottom drawer. Thanks. My sister was a **** till a "balcony-climber" smashed her flat. Yes that was me.