ENJOY A NEW MATTRESS FOR THE PRICE OF 3 DOG-TRAINING LESSONS at Hector's Mexican Mattress Shop! Hector has been making mattresses with his wife LaToya for many years, ever since their house burned down from a mattress fire. Come in now and get 40%-off!

Remember when we were young teenagers how we'd sing teenage love songs to each other till our vocal cords snapped? Remember how I used to sit on the porch and throw pieces of the porch at porchless neighbors just to show off till they went insane and had to be committed to insane asylums for years? Remember? Those were fun times back then, back when we were young teenagers discovering the importance of having a porch.

If you get near, I'll strip a gear, more out of fright than out of fear. I saw you in a bikini yesterday before I took it off to make the mail man happy. One day I'll drive a Toyota to your carnival trailer, the one that was good enough for novelist Norman Mailer, and it's there that we'll make sweet love like the queen of the Nile made to King Tut behind Cairo's only Pizza Hut.

𝗧𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝘂𝗻 & 𝗿𝗲𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴! 𝗔 𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗿-𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝘆𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗶𝗻
𝗮 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲'𝘀 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. 𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗮𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲 𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗻
𝗲𝘅𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗿. 𝗛𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 & 𝗺𝗲: 𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲
𝗽𝗶𝗲𝗰𝗲𝘀. 𝗔𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝗳𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗶𝘀
𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗱𝗼𝗺-𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲! 𝗠𝗲𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗺𝗮𝘀 𝗝𝗲𝘀𝘂𝘀! 𝗜'𝗺 𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘄!!!