expressed an early interest in breast pumps while working at Dairy Queen. "My mother had ******* and she wasn't afraid to eat raw seafood. This tradition runs through my family like gonorrhea." Before fame hit, Keith, and his brother Pedro, spent nights chasing homosexuals into Texaco men's rooms and playing dominoes with their 400-pound uncle Hector. "Hector was not able to wipe thoroughly due to a lower-**** injury," Pedro recalled. "We had to hire Norwegian breast pump distributors on several occasions." Later, after Hector was killed by a Frisbee with a razor blade taped to it, the Urban brothers moved to Italy: a country where women are hairy but friendly.

It's Madonna! I can see her ***! Where?! Behind her! Oh yeah! I see it too! Her boyfriend says that she washes it every day with soap. What kind? Expensive soap from Turkey. They make it just for her ***. It has special ***-beautifying ingredients. Like what? Gerbil ***-hormones from Richard Gere's company. Wow! I wish I was Richard Gere! I'd be inserting a gerbil up my **** right now! Me too!

But Holmes, I'm afraid that we'll never get to the palace fast enough in this cab. Ah, fear not Watson for I have dropped tiny explosive bombs down the cabby's trousers; as each bomb detonates the cabby will be compelled to whip the horses with more vigor, thereby increasing the wagon's speed. Brilliant Holmes, brilliant.