MY MOST UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT WITH AN EX- TEAMSTER - I was sitting in my sports car, eating a chicken McNugget that a chicken had to die to provide, when a monstrous killer (like Ted Bundy) approached me with a Taco Bell taco. "How much?" I asked. "I would never sell it. It belonged to my grandma who died before I was born. She loved this taco and named it Chuck, Chuck the Taco, sometimes Chucky," the killer said who could've been an ex-teamster who loved lesbians even though it amounted to nothing.

TIMMY AND THE ABANDONED MINE SHAFT - Look out Timmy! It's an abandoned mine shaft! I know. I read the title. There should be a sign saying ABANDONED MINE SHAFT but there isn't for some reason that's unknown to me at this time. Maybe someone stole it? If only we could replace the stolen sign with a shiny new one? But how? The sign store's closed, just like the underwear shop. Let's pray for a sign. Maybe Jesus will tell us what to do? Maybe. Jesus is busy, what with Christmas 6 weeks away. Yes. What about Mohammed? He's always available. Sure, we could try Him. Do you know any Mohammedans? A few of my ex-lesbian lovers worshiped Him. What are their names? Cathy with a C and Lolla with 3 L's. Contact them now while I try on these **** bikini briefs. Okay.

Tammy's *** was so big that people living on top of the Empire State Building would puke after eating noodle soup whenever they were drunk. 1 day, Tammy & her brother Earl, ate a lobster that wasn't 100% dead which triggered Tammy's puke-reflex a lot. Her **** wiggled a little bit but nobody kiled themselves. [Shut up and climb down off my ***! It's a typo! I meant killed.]

“We need 5 tons of manure!” Kyle X. Manure informed his brother
Mark. “5 tons?!” Mark groaned, as he strained with all his might to
push out the biggest **** in the history of pushing out big turds just
to please Kyle who was on a nearby toilet eating a huge hamburger.

I was sleeping in ***** when Kamala Harris came over to me with her arms outstretched. In her hands she had 4 pounds of raw dog liver. "I'm offering you raw dog liver," she said like an angel from Heaven. Another time, there was a large woman waiting for a bus in the rain when Kamala came over with a large bag of raccoon guts. "Here, eat these **** guts and be happy," she advised, and the large woman did, and she was very happy.

I heard truck drivers make the best lovers. Yes, I heard that too but it's probably not true. How about people who work at Sea World? Maybe. What about crippled people who are near death? Yes, what about them? Are they good for anything? Of course. They can be sanded and painted and last for years without rusting. Do you have an uncle in the navy? No. Me too. If I did, I'd smother him with ****** kisses till he couldn't take it any longer. So would I. I saw your cousin at the cemetery, crying. Yes, that's because they fired him.