Being married to you is like plugging drains too big to expand.
Being married to you is like paying first-class ticket prices
for economy-class flights to Disappointment Land.

What? Are you a ****** or something? Yes, I am. I'll bet you have
to stand on your toes at urinals. Yes, that's true. I'm so low to the
ground that ***** could hit me at any time. How long have you
been a ******? 14 years. That's too bad. Ever think about
taking gobfuls of growth hormones? Yes, all the time.

(actor) on Wikipedia, 5/23/18:
His ashes were flushed down the
toilet at his house in Toormakeady.
A septic tank memorial to
him was unveiled there.

“What's that on your face?”; “My nose.”

Shopping carts at Lowe's are protected by bombs. "When one of our
shopping carts goes beyond the 400-foot perimeter, it explodes. The
bomb is a quarter-stick of dynamite. There will be needless carnage
till our thieving customers wise up," owner Fred Lowe stated.