My mouth is shut but my heart
Is screaming i am almost
Losing my strength
From all the shouting and wailing
The cry of my heart is
Do you see me?

Sometimes she hides in the carefully constructed sentences and perfectly manicured nails. Sometimes she comes right out rugged, fuller figure from all the eat 'til you get a food coma moments that keep happening "this is the last time" too often.

She has read the books and watched the documentaries and knows what to do but there is this weight on her shoulders that just won't budge no matter how many days she sleeps in, I mean taking time to recharge is productive too..right? So... no sunshine. Darkness and her bed her most trusted, most consistent, most enabling "friends".

"I should get out more."

"I should see people more."

"I should..."

People:

"You have gained so much weight! Oh hi!"

YOU SEE MY DILEMMA?

Passions
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                                    Sessions
Rhythmically repeating  

Choices made out of haste

Eluding my very own taste

                                                       How could i have been so careless
                                                       All in the name of being fearless
                                                       Emotions running wild
                                                       Each time i promise

"I will keep it filed"

Filed up
Stored up
Never to open again
Only to come back
To the same mess
Rivers of tears flow
As i realize
What i really am
A slave to my own untamed nature


                                                      **­ Really Needing a Saviour

Today it’s so hard to forget you
Yesterday pushing you away was so easy
Anger and disappointment had clouded my judgement
Insecurity and salvation methods my first haven
Yesterday the memory of you was unclear
Deep in my heart i am sure
That better than a good man
I had been found
A Queen in my own right
Lost and found and lost but got found
But now it seems i am lost again
Look at me
See me
Know me
My heart has not changed
So many words to say to you but
I am silenced
Chase me
Find me again
I want to be found by you
My one month, distant dream Knight
I am in still love with you

I wish i was perfect but then i don't. For perfect means rigid, unlearned, inexperienced. Perfect people don't live life, they float though it. NO adventures. NO mistakes. Oh really? No. The biggest mistake is to float through life with no sense of purpose. For NO Battle scars. NO Rewards.
There is a haven i crawl to and lie prostrate at. It is like wonderland. When i get there with all my imperfections, worn out from the days battles. My form changes. I get renewed, and yes i am  made perfect. This perfection supersedes the first one by infinity and more. And i choose it. I choose to be washed and cleansed to perfection by the spotless blood of the lamb. My good works i so strive to do daily are filthy rags i am tired of wearing. Emptiness. Condemnation. Guilt. Competition. Are no ways to live. Shackles or perfection? ******* or freedom? I choose to be free. Peace of mind. Genuine love. Joy unspeakable. Rest. I choose to be ME in YOU. The imperfect chosen by a perfect creator.

The wind too has a story
Blowing from east to west
North to South
Seen it all but still blows all the same
Clearing the streets
Messing the streets

Cursed, Blessed
But it never stops blowing because
That's what its meant to do
Blow us happy
Blow us hysterical

Oh! How i could blow with the wind
Find you in your hiding
Blow you up happy
Blow you up crazy for me again

I'd refresh you with my cool breeze
Make a deal with the sun and the clouds
Blow you up cool on a hot day
blow you up warm on a cold day
Whatever the cost make you smile

If i were the wind
I'd clear all your cares and burdens
All your regrets
Mess you up with my pure love for you
Blow you you up content, restful, joyous

Just if i were the wind i would whistle in the chimney tops
Asong of mine true love
Lost but found
Make the whole world know
i am no ordinary wind
I am a freshly found breeze
In this climatic change heat
A wind of hope and love again
I am the wind