'Born into a world, where she did not belong,
Her body was crippled, her heart was not strong.

She lay in the bed, surrounded by glass
Her struggle was instant,  but so much had been done, it could not last.

The Doctor and staff had decided to do everything to fight for her life.
Still in recovery, her  procedure was done. and no more battles with that surgical knife.

The child was sick, unlike those all around,
But the doctors were still hopeful that a cure would be found,

Illness enveloped her, she became broken and frail
Everyone held on to the faith and that their  hopes would not fail.

As the child lay lifeless in the emergency bed,
So much sorrow, hard to believe she is really dead.

She will always be remembered for the struggle she made
And on her tiny gravestone, white roses were laid.

Her mother, the addict, feels no remorse....
She will do just about anything to get high with every source.

The crackling fire spits sparks into the night sky
The atmosphere is alive with bright hues of burnt sienna
Lighting your sober face with such pure beauty, that sadness cannot thrive.
As the dawn approaches, our love is more real than anything I've known.

Your eyes, blue as the sky with a hint of a storm cloud approaching.
Your smile is genuine and so sincere, I forget every other lover I've known.
Your physique is so perfectly masculine, every part of my body throbs in anticipation of your touch...............

The first taste of the change in your standard behavior
Left a welt upon my cheek and stung like bee with an addiction to hurt.
Your bitterness eats me alive, when the change of personality occurs....
So much so, I feel buried alive within the ground, slowly suffocating by the dirt thrown into my mouth.

Perfect?  I am certainly far from Jesus and believe me, I do sin.
Its difficult to remain unscathed or without retaliation, Ping-Pong, if you will.
Separation from the pain that scars, is self defense against all I know.
Refusal to be open-minded to the chance you are mistaken stunts the lessons we are to learn from each other.

Beating me into the ground with a shovel..  
Echoes of a tormenting, repetitive thud in a rhythmic balance of treble and bass....
Shakes me from my toes, violently shuddering with anger, sometimes fear.
Sorrow aches within my body from somewhere deep within ..

And as the cycle starts again from sweet to sadistic...
Our hearts break a little more and wicked thoughts invade our purity.
As I lay here alone, I truly wonder if we will be able to withstand our cruelty to each other.

No matter what we want in this relationship of stormy seas...
We can't move on in a healthy direction without some kind of compromise.
No matter how much I love and adore you,
I can't be caged like an endangered species, with wings  that have been clipped for my own protection.

The awareness I possess of my own faults and provocative ways, can't seem to filter through
When intoxication and anger are in control of you, you seem to co-exist with a savage who slowly tortures me.
Your words are like demonic zombies running rampant in a kindergarten yard.
My flesh is being ripped apart as the blurs of a million of them scratch and claw as they furiously circle me and isolate their victim.

As I have declared many times before, I am no innocent.
I do not regard your sensitivity to my crazed, moody outbursts.
So spoiled sometimes, that I forget that my tongue can be the fork that eats you alive.
Used to getting everything I desire, before my mind comprehends the damaging violence....
My requests become demands that poison your view of me,  incinerating any growth we have worked for.

My addiction and your affliction divide us into destructive, savage... yet well-trained soldiers.
As we fight over petty subjects that truly don't need the attention we grant them...  
We both lose a battle we don't even realize is going on within ourselves.
Is it really that important to be right, if it means we are always going to be wrong?   For each other?

Now, as my pen has brought me to see what is the true reality without placing blame...
My question to you : Do you love me enough to see this through, while we both change things that hurt and cause catastrophic damage to a blessing we have been gifted with by God?
I know my love for you is stronger than any bitterness within my heart...

The hours that I have been writing this poem, as I wandered the streets aimlessly and without ever finding any peace
......But can you really truly understand that even when you aren't right by my side, my heart belongs to only you?
Can you absorb the words that coincide with my feelings of loving you, unconditionally??
Can we get through this and get to the other side ?  

I can only imagine how strong our bond will be just over the current obstacle put in our path.  
Only together seeking God's guidance and grace, while we both seek support from each other...
Will we be able to see the beautiful rainbow, God's promise given as a sign,
Patiently awaiting  our self-control, discipline and purity of heart to learn the lessons we must learn and incorporate into our lives.

Forgiveness is key, for I know the blame game is too often, played.
I'm not willing to give up.....
            I've felt the bond between us and I know how rare it is.
We can learn so much if we don't let outside influences win and say goodbye.

I'm tired of running in circles,
Aren't you tired of sleeping in your clothes?
Can we muster the strength to truly begin anew without fear of anger and loss?
Or does it matter to you what the peace and love will have conquered or will you only think of what it has cost?

Shear, pointed razor sharp claws
Digging into me like a fish hook caught on my lip.
....Intentionally, crushing my jaw and my ability to speak.

Always and forever, I will hold on to you like a life raft.
Why?  When your words stab me like a dagger in my heart.
Your tongue like a serpent, seeking revenge and harm to me.

Brilliant, you once were.
Severely handsome and crafty, like a gentleman not of this age.
Now your smile makes me sick.

But here I am and here you are.  
Seemingly stuck without a way out.
You want to get rid of me, and I can't imagine life without you.

I can't even leave the house without some type of consequence.
How can that be right?
I'm not perfect either, but let's be realistic.

It's just a matter of time
Before your memory fades away
It's just a matter of moments,

.....................................Until I'm gone to stay.

I just woke up in the middle of the night
With tremors of a nightmare I can't shake off.
I lived in a western town before technology and before I existed.
I met an indian woman with the gift of sight.
This dream kept me up for the rest of the night.

She had a vision of the grim reaper, which was me.
She said she saw my ashes in the doorway.
She was repulsed by my touch.
Is this truly my destiny?  
Terrified, I think she could really see.

I lay naked and bared my soul.
He laughed, because he couldn't help it.
I cried because it damaged me to the point of weeping.
Is this what love is supposed to be?
I cried and cried because he wouldn't see.

I know my errors and mistakes, I've made.
I know that God is reaching out to me.
I know this poem is repetitive and drone.
But, sometimes when I write, I'm not alone.
And when your past never ends, you turn to stone.

Brilliant light shining among the dark
He holds my hand, he holds my heart.
Walk with me far away from here
I need you close, I want you here.
Tadpoles dance to the moonlight serenade
Watching life evolve, while stars dance and play.
How awesome is his name!
Never wanting our guilt and shame.
Seeking advancement in my spiritual place,
I close my eyes and see your face.
Engulfed within a sea of freedom and grace,
Feeling surreal, eternally grateful for every good memory that stays.
Evil things are no match for peace.
Making all the nightmares cease.
Brilliant diamonds in the sky
Enjoying today instead of asking why.
Treasures in heaven await for me
And in his time, we will finally see.

Tomorrow is today is tomorrow
A never ending saga of emotional turbulence
Breaking through the cloud of judgement and whispers

My feet are aching and in pain me so.
My heart is shattering as we speak.
My love is almost nonexistent.

He looks at me through intoxicated, glazed eyes
Angry again, yelling at me for something I did or didn't do.
I go to my happy place, my self-destructive shelter.

Why?  Why do I do this to myself?
What makes me stay a prisoner within these walls...?
When I am a free spirit that wants to fly with the eagles.

So I did something to myself,
That only I can do.
I hurt myself today to see if I still feel.

I had to use that line from a song about pain.
That's my reality today, tomorrow and yesterday.
Forcing my mouth to form words I simply don't mean anymore.

You fell for my tricks and devices.
You were a mark, but it's all turned around.
Now I'm the one in shackles and peering through the window.

Not able to breathe fresh air and make decisions for myself.
The shackles around my feet have cut into my flesh, dripping fresh crimson blood;.
My beautiful smile has been replaced with an angry scowl of sorrow.

I'm crumbling into a million pieces
That will never again fit together.
Something marred and broken, ugly on the inside.

Can't anyone see the signs?
The emotional abuse that causes me to run to danger.
Because it's better than the surreal cause of all my anger.

Lick my wounds,
Salty sweat burning the fresh scars, you have caused.
One day, I keep saying, but it will have to be tomorrow.