Pierce my heart so I don't have to live to see tomorrow
I just want to enter an eternal dream state where nobody can follow
I'm on thin ice surviving on a soon to be flatlined lifeline
And if I could create a new timeline I'd walk out the sunshine and sit on the sideline
I'm stagnant or maybe that's what my mental's saying
It doesn't make sense to carry on because my positivity's decaying
No motivation for the future so why bother with gifting me the present
It might be a little unpleasant but I'll soon be evanescent
I'm not heaven sent or hell bound and mentally I'm not sound
So if tomorrow ever comes I'll be nowhere to be found
You'd think this was a joke but what if tomorrow I never woke
What if I became mute and never spoke
Better yet how'd I end up in this situation ready to send in a letter of resignation
Why do I want an endless vacation at my final destination
Guess the horror of living alone scares me more than the pleasure of dreaming forever
I'm just a puppet waiting to be used for the better
Only one thing on this earth would make opening my eyes worth while
Maybe I'd shut up sprinkle a bit of hope and advertise a faint smile
I want my head to feel the soft touch of a woman's chest
With my body gripped by hers while laying on her pillow like breast
But we can't all get we want, so that just about sums
What I think would happen If Tomorrow Comes

It's a new dawn a new day a time for couples to play
But sadly it doesn't interest me in the slightest I'd say
"I'm single as a pringle, ready to mingle and jingle"
I'm single without a twinkle of hope and this sensation doesn't make me tingle
I could never see the hype behind all these tears I have to wipe
For some reason oppression is my obsession even though she's not my type
I didn't ask to be the leader she followed while I wallowed
In my own sorrow wishing to skip tomorrow so I wouldn't have to be hollow
I unconsciously suppress my emotions to the point I'm surrounded by an ocean
So I space out like pluto and leave reality so I have no devotion
To anything of this earthly plain since every cycle's the same
Wake up, try to live, hit a rough patch and find something else to blame
For my downfalls, shortcomings and my misdeeds
My faith is like a broken harvest seed, it doesn't grow it recedes
And my dull experiences only tell me I don't have many needs
So why can't I win? Is it my sins, the darkness within,
My trauma, or internal drama that has my body like needles and pins
I'll keep my thoughts short and dig deeper next time
I'm not happy but I'll move on to make another dime

Often frustrated because I get so motivated
Ya know?
Just a little elated from these ideas illustrated in my mind but never orchestrated
I get so boisterous every time I see the lines combine to make greatness
Only to escape with this imaginary ideal I created called hope
Yeah hope, not the pope
Its not something I worship but something that gives me purpose
And I was dead set on bringing it to life but I keep getting nervous
Feeling worthless because I lost my visions behind the curtains
That's why I still dig beneath the surface of my epidermis
And this is all seriousness, no games, I left that clown act at the circus
I got aspirations that reside in my inner sanctum
Stronger than Larry Lobster though smaller than Plankton
A bit ancient not extinct, still living but on the brink
Of extinction!
Well I guess that's what makes them...
So great
The feeling of obtaining success that you'll never reach
One moment its within your grasp and the next it disappears
I wish that could happen to my fears
Like my desire to never be alone even when I'm home
The only place I lock myself away from the outside
The only place I have no law to abide by
The only place I'm never safe from a drive by
Of thoughts loaded in the gun and the magazine's clipped with rounds of oppression
Not depression though it feels like that's where its headin'
But I'm not stressin'
Over these typical life lessons because I know miracles always happen
I'm not a reverend but I still preach these gospels because one day I'll be a CHAMPION!

I'm frustrated, it's a roller coaster of emotion
There's no notion for all this commotion
In the ocean of my heart, mind, body and soul
It's an explosion
But this feeling has me confused mentally misused
Lost like when Lenell Geter was wrongly accused
For a crime he didn't commit but the power was abused
But there shouldn't have been an excuse
Because I'm annoyed by the one I employed
To give me attention but not to mention how they destroyed
Me from the inside to see the outcome I wanted to avoid
So what happened to the once amazing beginning I enjoyed
It was all fun and games til they dethroned me
Saw my submissive side now like Mariah Carey I'm sad and lonely
Am I a homie, a crony or more than a friend getting played like Sony
But you know I'm only
20 soon to be 21
In a couple of months but I'm not having fun
I feel like the barrels loaded and your hands wrapped around the gun
Am I the predator or the prey, could you be the culprit or am I really just all in one?

Ocean tides ebb as my moon drifts away
The sun stops shining before dawn when thunderclouds roll on like all dogs going to heaven even the stray
I'm trapped and caged like cell in hell by nightfall, I'm Goku riding the nimbus by day
I don't get paid for the hell that raised my downfall, and I'm not a superhero but I'm shooting sky high in the heavens no royal pain
I'm stuck in purgatory trying to get seven minutes in heaven
Like no weapon formed against me shall prosper then the devil steps in
My biggest fear is to see myself having dreams where I'm not peacefully restin'
But I'm destined, to keep myself from going six feet under so I plunder happiness without a question
When I close my eyes I see red seas on the left and white seas on the right
I see two planes but I don't know if I'm getting on the one that crashes or takes flight
It's like I'm awake but the bed bugs still bite while its shining bright in the daylight
I get enticed by my most recent worldly desires, but I'm trying to extinguish the fire before it ignites
You ever built a wooden building with no foundation but it managed to compete with concrete?
You ever been so down to earth you flew higher than you own creed?
It's like when I live backwards I only see evil, and when I look at how I lived back then I see the devil
So I rebel and rebuke for a revelation so I can stem up from the ground like I'm budding to see a petal
This battle turned me into Malcolm now that I'm stuck in the middle of defeat and victory
I see the Godly aspects physically and spiritually while the devil's mental attacks are nothing short of trickery
So where was I meant to be? Feeling the scorching heat or under his wing working in the industry
But I'm not feeling this chemistry, so is this the end of me? Am I another zombie following a false Deuteronomy
My mind became so apocalyptic just thinking about a picture so vivid
And my insidious beliefs might cause me to croak when I ribbit
One moment I'm ascending to heaven but a dark aura creeps up and sends me descending
I always heard the wide path was trending but why is this treacherous nightmare so never ending
With a body as skinny as mine you'd think I drove on a narrow path
But when you're not steering even your wheel won't align when you feel the wrath

My energy drains itself even though I'm solar powered
My smile shines brighter than the sun to cover up my darkest hours
I'm not depressed I'm just spaced out with all these planets in my orbit
I can see my future going nowhere for eons and my body floating through an endless timeline so morbid
So why am I still here? Thought by now I would've been deleted
I'm like Naruto when all of his chakra's been depleted
Only difference is I only have one source of energy
Eating away at all my hopes and dreams and memories
I think my existence has to do with one divine entity
Someone who's been watching over me before I came into the 21st century
And he's been a better friend than anyone's ever been to me
Even when I felt like I was the Judas Iscariot to his Jesus
Even when I was losing my faith and thought I was one of his least favorite believers
But who'd guess that there'd be a paradise beyond the clouds called heaven
Something I lived in almost fourteen years ago when I was seven
But not to mention, I'll be legal in less than a month in other places
Yet I've been holding this application and didn't sign up for any races
It's a little complicated but I'm no good with explanations
So I say good things come to those who wait and have patience
Just a daily thought nonetheless, a sermon who's message stays on repeat
It helped me build a foundation, a platform stronger than concrete
I was depleted one time too many now I'm no longer obsolete
I can hare my Energizer charge up now my energy will never deplete

I'm tired of my insecurities even if I think they're gone they still reappear
I already have social anxiety and even though I beat most of my depression this still isn't fair
I'm not as confident as the other guys, I'm too shy to speak up
Even writing this poem right now is just a little too much
It's always hard to address what's on my mind but nobody really gets it
I have a really big fear of being left alone and a feeling that sometimes I may not be accepted
I love my friends, they make me feel at home, but I can't let them know everything I think about
I often feel if I open my mouth and let the truth come out my life will turn into a blackout
And don't let me get started on talking to a girl I like, that's almost dang near impossible
I can barely do it behind a screen and my speech turns into my eyesight when I'm wearing an eye patch and a monocle
I can see out one eye but I can never make out the image because of the next
Meaning I can prepare my words ahead of time but my mouth pins up like arms coming short on a T-Rex
This is just a sample of the issue I deal with though it is my greatest burden
But I hope to be like Arthur some day accepting advice from Merlin