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Jul 2017 · 1.4k
love starved.
NV Jul 2017
i need to tell you about a woman who's shelf life of love has no expiry date.
that sometimes i worry,
sometimes i worry,
i worry,
that she feeds it more than she eats it.
anorexic love ; when last have you slept on a full stomach.
May 2017 · 2.8k
writer's pledge.
NV May 2017
may i always write words more naked than flesh,
more stronger than bone,
more sensitive than nerve.
may i always dip my finger into rivers of ink that will never run dry.
on the days i am not an ocean or a shipwreck,
may i always become an anchor.
may i understand that somedays words are a bridge,
and others are the fire that burns them.
that sometimes i write the words,
and that sometimes the words write me.
Sep 2016 · 3.5k
*deep breathe in*
NV Sep 2016
MY GOD,
I HAVE INHALED ABANDONMENT FOR SO LONG,
THAT ANY SCENT OF LOVE IN THE AIR,
MAKES IT HARD FOR ME TO BREATHE.
PLUS,
THE TANKS OF OXYGEN ALWAYS SEEM TO BE MIXED WITH A HIGH DOSAGE OF PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY,
AND I WEAR THE MASKS SO OFTEN,
I FORGET I EVEN HAVE THEM ON.
Jul 2016 · 4.0k
(sinner apologies)
NV Jul 2016
i know only how to wear this body like an apology.
like i'm sorry i take up too much space.
like i'm sorry,
i don't feel small enough to fit into your hands.
i wear it like a sin.
like a prayer that never feels answered.
like confessions i keep trying to change.
i wear it like a broken commandment,
because i love thy neighbour,
but i hate myself.
Jul 2016 · 2.4k
\_
NV Jul 2016
\_
because all my heartbreaks hang around my neck like charms on a necklace,
i could easily turn into a noose.

and i try let these worries sit on my tongue until they become soft enough for me to swallow them whole.

but my heart,
my heart is barely beating,
like the hands of an antique clock,
someone forgot to wind.
NV Jul 2016
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES IN LIFE,
I HAVE WOKEN UP,
AND SOMEBODY WASN'T THERE.
SO MUCH SO,
THAT EVENTUALLY I STOPPED WANTING TO WAKE UP AT ALL.
SO YES,
YES I'M STILL AFRAID TO FALL ASLEEP AT NIGHT,
AND I'M AFRAID TO LOVE,
ESPECIALLY TO LOVE.
May 2016 · 8.2k
baggage
NV May 2016
and i have never really understood why i hate luggage.
why i barely own handbags,
and would much rather fit the necessities in my purse.
why school didn't seem so bad if i had less books on my back.

i had never really understood why i hated so much baggage.

until i realised that it was because i already had all of me,
to carry.
Apr 2016 · 2.5k
heads up, hands held.
NV Apr 2016
I
TOLD
YOU.

AND I AM
TELLING
YOU
AGAIN.

I AM GOING TO HOLD YOUR HEAD UP,
WHILE I HOLD YOUR HAND.
Feb 2016 · 2.1k
NV Feb 2016
What I am trying to say is,
I am well aware that it matters not whether I am with or without you;
I will keep moving,
but I much prefer your limbs with my limbs,
and I enjoy the tragedy you think makes you unable to be loved,
and I'm sorry I didn't touch you a little bit longer,
and when you're here I feel it,
and when you're not I feel it too.

by : Alexandra Crawford
Jan 2016 · 1.6k
dead reversal
NV Jan 2016
SHE HAD HEARD TOO MANY TIMES

OF HOW SHE SHOULD LIVE IN THE

MOMENT.

WHEN IN FACT,

NOBODY COULD TAKE ENOUGH STEPS

BACK TO SEE THAT SHE WAS DEAD

INSIDE.
Dec 2015 · 2.4k
playground visits
NV Dec 2015
i sometimes wonder why you still visit my mood swings,
left in abandoned playgrounds between my chest.
why you still visit even though the slides may only carry you down to somebody like me.
somebody difficult to love,
somebody who cannot tell the difference between crying and laughing anymore.
why you haven't left this soul,
who's bones can't seem to find enough strength to push my side of the sea saw,
who can't seem to move past three poles on the monkey bar,
simply because of the weight on top of my shoulders.
this flesh of complete brokeness that couldn't bare ringa ring rosie,
because at some point one gets tired of always falling.
i often wonder, why me.
why me, with all my chipped paint and countless dents.
why you still visit,
when this isn't the grass on other side that's greener.
because God knows,
i'd understand if you look for a park elsewhere.
a park worthy of you.
Dec 2015 · 3.5k
banged disaster
NV Dec 2015
I SLAMMED THE DOOR SO HARD, THAT IT COULD HAVE FALLEN OFF IT'S HINGES,
THE SAME WAY I COLLAPSE TO MY KNEES SOMETIMES.
I SLAMMED IT WITH THE KIND OF FORCE THAT IT  TAKES ME TO LOVE, AND GOD KNOWS I LOVE WITH THE POWER OF EARTHQUAKES AND TORNADOS COMBINED.
Dec 2015 · 2.7k
careful what you wish for
NV Dec 2015
because when she was young,

people would ask her

"what superpower,

do you wish for?"

so without any hesitation

she replied "invisibility."

and then,

and then she grew up realising

it came true.
Nov 2015 · 3.8k
left with a bang
NV Nov 2015
and
i don't know
if this is me
just overreacting,
but
the only reason it scares me
when the wind causes my bedroom door to slam shut,
is because
i'm deeply afraid
that
i'll get used to the sound of people leaving.
Oct 2015 · 2.1k
when last
NV Oct 2015
when last have i had a 3am kind of conversation,
with my star like emotions scattered all over the darkest parts of me,
mimicking the sky,
my moon like persona that always returns back to hiding me away.  
when last have i felt safe enough to let somebody in,
to not have visions of my vulnerability being tied to the bed after he locks the door behind him,
his voice like some sort of broken record that keeps on repeating that
"it's gonna be okay."
when last have i had a shoulder to cry on that isn't my own,
for my neck to stop worrying that the tear filled sea on either side won't get waves big enough to drown me.  
when last okay,
when last has it felt good to be me.
Oct 2015 · 10.6k
msg delivered
NV Oct 2015
01:52 am
have you ever asked yourself like why you so lonely?*

01:53 am
or empty?

that maybe you give too much of your essence to people and never leave any of you for yourself

01:55 am
i know i do

02:05 am
and like that's maybe why i get so attached to humans

because in them,
i find myself


02:07 am
i need to change, because things shouldn't be this way

02:10 am
but it's hard sometimes you know, when most days you don't leave the house because you feel unworthy of the space you take up

02:16 am
so you'd much rather disintegrate into soil because you've become all too familiar with people stepping over you and admiring the outcome of your beauty but never the roots of your pain

02:19 am
i spend so much effort watering people in order for them to grow and hardly get enough sun shine to feed my own soul

02:25 am*
because i don't know how to do anything else but care for everyone but myself
Sep 2015 · 2.0k
18.
NV Sep 2015
18.
it's sorta kinda my birthday today.
and i know i should be happier than i am right now.
but truth is, i'm not.
i'm pretty much depressed to be honest.
but not that it matters though.

i really just wanted to thank all you bloggers for giving me pieces of your heart,
the kindness and motivation that makes my world seem like a better place at times.
because if there's one good decision i've made in life,
it would be opening up myself to all of you.

this space has made me feel heard.
this space has made me feel wanted.
this space has made me feel loved.

and just in case you didn't know,
every one of you,
makes a difference,
every time.
and i know i don't know you - but i love you anyways
Sep 2015 · 1.9k
company car please.
NV Sep 2015
he just sounded a bit down over the phone.
and all i really wanted to do,
was wrap my arms around his body like a ring on a finger.
to tell him about the times i get lonely too,
and how the only things that take up space is air,
and the echoes of my heartbeat.
and i swear to god,
i could have cried at the fact that technology only made it easier to love someone you aren't able to touch.
the drop in his voice deeper than any ocean i've been to.
but an ocean i don't mind swimming in,
sinking in.
it's 4:28 in the morning and i don't know if all this writing even makes sense,
or if it's just as bad as the one before.
but one day when he gets lonely again,
i just hope that i'm blessed enough to pick up the keys and drive my way into his arms.
Sep 2015 · 4.2k
NV Sep 2015
BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING PEOPLE,
THAT NO ONE WILL LOVE THEM UNTIL THEY START LOVING THEMSELVES.
YOU HAVE TO STOP PLANTING THIS IDEA IN PEOPLES BRAINS THAT THEY ARE UNWORTHY OF LOVE,
JUST BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN STRUGGLE.
Sep 2015 · 2.3k
open insecurity
NV Sep 2015
THE WAY IN WHICH INSECURITY MAKES A HOME OF MY BODY,
LEAVING HER PILES OF SELF-DOUBT AND ANXIETY LYING ON THE FLOOR.
AS I CONTINUE TO STUMBLE AWAY FROM MIRRORS,
TRYING TO FIND A REFLECTION SHE HAS NOT BECOME A PART OF,
SHE REVEALS TO ME,
THAT THE MIRROR DOES NOT HAVE TO BE CRACKED IN ORDER FOR ME TO LOOK BROKEN.
I ASK HER WHY SHE HAS NOT MOVED OUT ALREADY,
AND SHE SAYS IT IS NOT HER FAULT THAT I ALWAYS LEAVE THE DOORS OPEN.
I TELL HER OF HOW I MISPLACED THE KEYS IN THE HANDS OF PEOPLE WHO COULD NOT LOVE ALL THAT I AM.
AND WITHOUT HESITATION,
SHE ASKS ME WHY I HAVE NOT YET CHANGED THE LOCKS.
Aug 2015 · 1.9k
Time.
NV Aug 2015
And though I may not mention it,
I need you to remain and sit in place within my life.
I'm home, I don't mind a few renovations but you can't move out.
Change the furniture, change the setting, change the colours of this love, but don't pack up.
Don't relocate, because I can't leave with you, hence I live with you.
Continue to settle, continue to speak your plans to my walls, we'll breathe life into them.
And may the building of this love never feel the clocks run forward.

by Dvniel Jones
Aug 2015 · 1.5k
hole °°
NV Aug 2015
MOST DAYS,
I FEEL LIKE A HOLE,*
*TRYING TO FIND A PLACE THAT WON'T **** ANYBODY ELSE INTO THIS EMPTINESS.
Aug 2015 · 1.2k
3:58
NV Aug 2015
IT'S 3:58 IN THE MORNING.
AND GOD, I HATE HOW MUCH I MISS YOU.

ACTUALLY, NO.
I LIE.

I HATE HOW MUCH YOU DON'T DESERVE IT.
Jul 2015 · 1.5k
kill pill.
NV Jul 2015
pain killer after pain killer.

oh baby girl, you know better than that.

pain killer after pain killer.

*oh baby girl, you know the sadness never dies out.
Jul 2015 · 1.9k
money where your mouth is.
NV Jul 2015
YEAR 3085*

TALK IS EXPENSIVE;
THE RICH HAVE BOUGHT THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH,
OPINIONS ARE CRIMES,
*MIDDLE CLASS FOLK CAN'T AFFORD
4 LETTER WORDS.
Jun 2015 · 2.2k
broken unity.
NV Jun 2015
COME ON.
LET THE WRITERS BREAK THEIR WRISTS AND BLEED THEIR FINGERS DRY OVER SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T GIVE A **** ABOUT THEM
Jun 2015 · 2.7k
relocation /
NV Jun 2015
NO WAIT, BUT BUT, WHERE ARE YOU MOVING TO?*

WELL SEE, I AM GOING TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT.
-
**ARE YOU COMING?
Jun 2015 · 2.3k
sick health
NV Jun 2015
SWEETHEART,

FOR SOME,
LOVE IS THE CURE.

AND

FOR SOME,
LOVE IS THE DISEASE.
Jun 2015 · 2.8k
slam.
NV Jun 2015
I'M
JUST
ANOTHER
BIRD
THAT
DIED
-
TRYING
TO
FLY
INTO
YOUR
BEDROOM
WINDOW.
Jun 2015 · 2.5k
"fine"
NV Jun 2015
BECAUSE. THIS ENTIRE TIME I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR WAYS TO TELL YOU THAT I AM NOT OKAY WITHOUT YOU HERE. BUT GOD, IT ALWAYS COMES OUT LIKE
"I'M FINE".
May 2015 · 1.6k
- - but - -
NV May 2015
the girl who's wrists shoutout appreciation to her sleeves, never quite knows what to say when they fall down her arms.

but.

but.

but.

just tell me you're not just a little bit proud to wear your scars like badges displayed on the surface of your skin.
May 2015 · 1.7k
finance.
NV May 2015
I SAID LOVE IS THE WORST LOAN IN TERMS OF DEBT.*

*I SAID I AM STILL PAYING THE PRICE FOR IT.
May 2015 · 1.7k
Untitled
NV May 2015
why, what's wrong?*

sometimes everything, sometimes nothing, sometimes i don't even know.  

depression shows up uninvited and makes a home in my chest.
May 2015 · 2.5k
boy meets girl.
NV May 2015
girl, all drenched in bathroom floors, 3 o'clock in the morning and mascara stained face, smelling of liquor bottles and boys who will never remember her name.

boy, all drenched in bed sheet linen, 3 o'clock in the afternoon and lipstick stained t-shirt, smelling of air from empty pockets and girls who will never forget his name.
May 2015 · 2.1k
[block]
NV May 2015
THE EXCUSE USED WAS THAT I HAD
WRITER'S BLOCK.

UNTIL I STARTED BEING HONEST
WITH MYSELF,

AND ADMITTED I WAS TERRIFIED
OF CREATING SOMETHING THAT
PEOPLE WOULDN'T LIKE.

I WAS TERRIFIED OF NOT BEING ENOUGH,

EVEN FOR MYSELF.
May 2015 · 2.1k
ever since.
NV May 2015
within a prison-like classroom.
i learnt the writer used
"i "
to express his or her's feeling of unimportance.


i promise you.
i've been texting my i's in lowercase letters ever since.
Apr 2015 · 1.7k
error 404: poem not found
NV Apr 2015
this is not a poem
          
          

                       *just a mere


image
consisting of

                                         straight lines
and curves
Apr 2015 · 1.4k
Untitled
NV Apr 2015
i did the best i could,
for who i was,
at the time.
something somebody said during an episode of MTV cribs.

ironic how much it just hit home.
Apr 2015 · 1.4k
tell them #1
NV Apr 2015
TELL THEM HOW CLOSELY YOU WOULD WATCH YOUR BATTERY DIE, TELL THEM HOW YOUR HEART WORKS THE SAME WAY, TELL THEM YOU ARE SO TIRED OF BEING USED, TELL THEM YOU ARE DEAD.
Apr 2015 · 1.4k
end call.
NV Apr 2015
3 AM type of girl expecting something more from a boy who barely makes it past midnight.

I KEEP TELLING YOU EXPECTATIONS ARE THE DEVIL, AND DISAPPOINTMENT WILL BURN WITH FIRE AT YOUR CHEST, DARLING.

"just go to bed because i'm basically talking to myself" she says.

*YOU SO TIRED OF PEOPLE BEING THERE, BUT NOT REALLY BEING THERE, SO YOU HANG UP, OKAY.
Apr 2015 · 1.7k
bags.
NV Apr 2015
BUT BABY,

I'M AFRAID TO TELL YOU WHAT'S IN

THE BAGS UNDER MY EYES.

AND YOU SO CURIOUS.

YOU SO CURIOUS BECAUSE YOU CAN

SEE THE HEAVINESS.
and you can shop the store for sorrow and despair.
loneliness is found on the shelf in the fitting room.
if you cry, you pay.
Apr 2015 · 1.7k
J 'n W interview
NV Apr 2015
I’m curious about your experience of time. Do you feel like life is moving really quickly? Is your music one way to sort of turn it over and reflect on it?

WILLOW SMITH: I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that’s how I know it doesn’t exist.

JADEN SMITH: It’s proven that how time moves for you depends on where you are in the universe. It’s relative to beings and other places. But on the level of being here on earth, if you are aware in a moment, one second can last a year. And if you are unaware, your whole childhood, your whole life can pass by in six seconds. But it’s also such a thing that you can get lost in.

How have you gotten better?

WILLOW SMITH: Caring less what everybody else thinks, but also caring less and less about what your own mind thinks, because what your own mind thinks, sometimes, is the thing that makes you sad.

JADEN SMITH: Exactly. Because your mind has a duality to it. So when one thought goes into your mind, it’s not just one thought, it has to bounce off both hemispheres of the brain. When you’re thinking about something happy, you’re thinking about something sad. When you think about an apple, you also think about the opposite of an apple. It’s a tool for understanding mathematics and things with two separate realities. But for creativity: That comes from a place of oneness. That’s not a duality consciousness. And you can’t listen to your mind in those times — it’ll tell you what you think and also what other people think.

WILLOW SMITH: And then you think about what you think, which is very dangerous.

Do you think of your new music as a continuation of your past work?

JADEN SMITH: That’s another thing: What’s your job, what’s your career? Nah, I am. I’m going to imprint myself on everything in this world.

What are the things worth having?

WILLOW SMITH: A canvas. Paint. A microphone.

JADEN SMITH: Anything that you can shock somebody with. The only way to change something is to shock it. If you want your muscles to grow, you have to shock them. If you want society to change, you have to shock them.

WILLOW SMITH: That’s what art is, shocking people. Sometimes shocking yourself.

So is the hardest education the unlearning of things?*

WILLOW SMITH: Yes, basically, but the crazy thing is it doesn’t have to be like that.

JADEN SMITH: Here’s the deal: School is not authentic because it ends. It’s not true, it’s not real. Our learning will never end. The school that we go to every single morning, we will continue to go to.

WILLOW SMITH: Forever, ‘til the day that we’re in our bed.

JADEN SMITH: Kids who go to normal school are so teenagery, so angsty.

WILLOW SMITH: They never want to do anything, they’re so tired.

WILLOW SMITH: I went to school for one year. It was the best experience but the worst experience. The best experience because I was, like, “Oh, now I know why kids are so depressed.” But it was the worst experience because I was depressed.
only bits and pieces 'cause the interview was quite long.

but somebody very cool and special to me, sent me this interview today, and i can't remember the last time i felt so lifted.
haven't been feeling too okay and i've been finding myself in bad spaces more often.
and he/this made such a difference.
thank you.
Apr 2015 · 2.6k
Untitled
NV Apr 2015
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU HOW SCARED SHE IS. WHAT IF I TOLD YOU HOW SHE WATCHES THE WAY SHE WALKS, BECAUSE THE LAST TIME SHE FELL IN LOVE, SHE HIT THE GROUND. AND SHE WOULD OFFER HIM HER HEART BUT IT'S BEEN EATEN AT AND STORED IN A DOGGY BAG AROUND A CORNER WITHIN HER CHEST - AND SHE CANNOT HELP BUT ALWAYS FEEL LEFTOVER. WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT SHE'S SCARED OF FEELING.
BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FEEL HER BACK.
Apr 2015 · 2.3k
Untitled
NV Apr 2015
but how sad the rain must be.

an entire lifetime spent just falling.
Mar 2015 · 2.5k
911.
NV Mar 2015
"911 what's your emergency?"

"SHE'S DEAD! SHE'S DEAD! I CAN SEE IT IN HER EYES. HER HEART BROKE AND I EVEN CUT MY FOOT ON THE SHARDS."

"I'm going to need you to slow down ma'm. Now tell me, who is it that's dead?"*

"ME!"

(hangs up the phone)

*"Ma'm. Ma'm, is anybody there?"
Mar 2015 · 1.3k
Untitled
NV Mar 2015
BUT NOBODY TOLD ME THE FUNERAL NEVER ENDS.

IT'S BEEN ELEVEN YEARS NOW, AND THE CASKET'S STILL LOWERING.

*
"LEAVE ME HERE MOM. LEAVE ME HERE. I'M DEAD TOO."
Mar 2015 · 1.5k
Untitled
NV Mar 2015
and i guess i'm just asking,
if all the things you said to yourself, appeared on your body,
would you still be beautiful?
Mar 2015 · 650
Untitled
NV Mar 2015
do you always find it this hard to love yourself?
yes. yes i do.
Mar 2015 · 1.2k
go on.
NV Mar 2015
go on.

starve yourself.

as if you're not already hungry for something your flesh cannot touch.

go on.

starve yourself.

as if you have not already lost enough.

go on.

starve yourself.

as if your ego is more important than your soul.
Mar 2015 · 27.7k
cloud suicide.
NV Mar 2015
i'm telling you.
the clouds were meant for the ground.
but they hung themselves.
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