Have you ever felt like something had a hold on you that you had no control over?
Like whenever you have the hiccups?
Not really too much you can do about it.

Except maybe hold your breath and hope they'll go away.

But the thing with mental illness is once it's a part of you
it's hard to get rid of whatever has a hold on you.

With depression, you have sunny days and rainy days
which are a given
but then you get tornadoes an earthquakes and tsunamis and hailstorms all at the same time
and there's no escaping that.

With insomnia, you lose maybe a couple hours of rest
which is a given
but the next thing you know, you're on your third cup of water, downing sleep aides, shaking in your skin because you haven't slept
in three days.

With anxiety, you get those little shy moments and you try to avert everyone's eyes
which is a given
but then you're locked in the bathroom stall, crouched in a corner with tears streaming down your face while you feel yourself falling apart.

You're mental illnesses haven taken over and the person you once were questions the person you are now,
screaming into it's fearful eyes, begging for a release.

So you draw the blade across your skin.

So you swallow too many pills.

So you take one more drag, one more hit, one more shot.

Anything that keeps you numb even for a second helps.

Seconds become minutes. Minutes to hours. Hours to days. Then, before you know it, days become forever, and now you're numb...

forever.

Just..

gone.