everything feels fun and new. i mean, i'm in no way a functioning adult but some sort of weight has been lifted. i feel good. i am singing - of sorts - again. i am writing better words and smiling more. there are still spaces to be filled and a few more caverns to explore but there is no endless void or black hole. only oil-lit passageways underground where i will go when i'm low in the knowledge that i will find my way out.