Shipwreck

My skin is p a l e

My body c o ld

And in my chest lies a broken heart of fools gold

My re alit y I on ce knew is ha z y a nd n on exist en t

It's grown old

And I'm becoming tired of being bold

And being told right from wrong

I'm sinking softly down when I don't know how to swim

Every inch that I further lose from possibility to stay afloat is lessening my want or need for a life boat

Every breath I attempt to take fills my lungs with ugly pseudonyms and sends me down deeper into my lonesome underpopulated town inhabited only by fragments of once strong relationships that i held so close to me that I c ould n't b reat h e, the relationships that kept my entire being from sinking in the first place.

I'm drowning and I can't see what's even in front of me

I'm a ship bound by anchor to the wrong bad habits of shedding my blood willingly to bloodthirsty ravenous sharks in the sea of my minds eye

This was once a safe harbor for the ones I kept close

The ones that knew what mattered to me and the ones I cherished most

Now its a sea full of gh o sts

Of the people I trusted them the most

I trusted them to not turn on me or use me like a host

And now I'm the one dro w ning

I' m so sca re d

Now when I share my harbor it feels so

U n fa i r

They don't understand what I risk give to let them be there

It never harbors in their heart as deeply as it does mine

The possibility of even defining how hard it is to let these ships safely pass through this harbor will now and forever never be able to escape my pale numbing lips

Only silence

Everything here is just riddled with murderous crashing waves

Any relationship that enters I try so desperately to save

And in that attempt

The harbor starts to misbehave

The waves destroy every boat or anything that floats

Anything at all to help me cope with being so alone or the feeling of even remotely being at home.

My fingertips are numb and cold and starting to fold and I can't feel those things I could before

I just want all of this over

N o m o re dro w n i n g

All my life boats have sunk

Now I'm just stuck