Bathe me as you did
in your forgiveness
but do not
for it is not what I need.

I cannot say
Hold me like before,
before was never.

I cannot crave the past
because it was never the present -
it was, but not with you.

Digging up the doubts I buried,
always there and waiting
for open air to uncover dishonesties.

Turning my head the other way
- out the window -
locked in by ignorance.

Pretty skies and sparkling waters,
goosebumps on my arms,
pretending your reflection was pure.

Back turned on reality,
choosing to see graceful things,
picking false ideals.

You.
My ideal.
My imperfection.
Fatal flaw, Achilles heel.

They say ignorance is bliss and
I understand,
for bliss it was with you in your
unlabelled silence.
But who knew silence could make
such noise in my head?

Maybe the echo of some
humble truth.